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Examples of custody arrangements

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:31 AM
  • 29 Replies

My stbx and I can't agree on a visitation schedule. He says he doesn't want to be a weekend dad (I think its really about limiting CS). I feel our kids should be home with me on school nights since I'm better at keeping a consistent evening routine. I also make sure my DS completes his homework. 

I work Mon-Thurs 8a-5p. Stbx is a firefighter and does shift work...7a-7a then off for 72 hours. The days he works changes from week to week, month to month. He wants 2 overnights per week that will always change, sometimes it will be a Sun & Mon or Wed & Thurs nights, whenever...no consistency. I want him to have 3 weekends per month or EOWE. My DS is 6 and DD is 4. Right now, stbx randomly picks them up from aftercare before I get there and will keep them for 1 or 2 nights. Sometimes he informs by email the day before or the day of that he's going to get them. So I'll get to my DS's school to pick her up and she's not there. I don't have the kind of job where I can leave early and I don't want to play this game...who can get to the kids first. 

Obviously, we don't have a temporary custody agreement. We have a scheduling conference next month to meet with a mediator and to determine our divorce court date. We both have lawyers and we just can't agree on anything...custody, property, etc.

Any suggestions on an arrangement that could work for young children? What is your visitation like? I want my kids to know where they will be on a daily basis. 

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
strngenough
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm all for the 50/50. Our agreement right now is just that. That includes splitting up the weekdays. It's pretty great he wants to see his kids so much and they will enjoy having both parents in their life. I don't see why a judge would say no to him, so it could get expensive.
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mommyecr3
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:07 AM

If I'm hearing this right, he always has Tuesdays and Fridays off? If so, how about Friday overnight until Sat night bedtime-ish and then every Tuesday he picks them up from school for dinner until close to bedtime? He probably can't overnight on Saturdays due to any 7AM Sunday shift? Or be open to some changes? He must get SOME advance notice of how his schedule will be? Best I've got for ya. Sorry.

LauraMH
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:40 AM
You need to have your lawyer file for an emergency (temp) custody arrangements so he can stop going to get them without you knowledge or permission. My custody arrangements sucks so I won't even suggest that to you, but he will most likely get EOW and one over night a week. My ex wanted to do rotating days of the week to. I said absolutely not, the kids need some kind if structure and the judge agreed. So with the week nigjt is the same, but he will het one. If he wants 2 nights and you want none, then offer to meet in the middle with one overnight week night. It will prove you are willing to compromise and let him be a dad too.
sthflachk
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:42 AM
Nooooo....set days are a must to start. After that you can be flexible. You deserve to know exactly when he will have them so you can plan your life too.
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kngarber
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:44 AM
2 moms liked this
You can't penalize him for being a firefighter ... And you know what shift he works and can plan out his visitation for the year. Come on.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:12 PM
This sounds reasonable. If he's a good dad why not let the kids be with him

Quoting mommyecr3:

If I'm hearing this right, he always has Tuesdays and Fridays off? If so, how about Friday overnight until Sat night bedtime-ish and then every Tuesday he picks them up from school for dinner until close to bedtime? He probably can't overnight on Saturdays due to any 7AM Sunday shift? Or be open to some changes? He must get SOME advance notice of how his schedule will be? Best I've got for ya. Sorry.

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Robsessed98
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:40 PM

I think every other weekend and one day during the week is fair. You need to be  as lenient and fair as possible with him without letting him run over  you. Take it  day by day until your mediation, the mediator will hopefully help you come to a schedule that works for everyone.

Sunshyn1838
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:52 PM


Quoting strngenough:

I'm all for the 50/50. Our agreement right now is just that. That includes splitting up the weekdays. It's pretty great he wants to see his kids so much and they will enjoy having both parents in their life. I don't see why a judge would say no to him, so it could get expensive.

He loves his kids but the overnights didn't increase until I filed for divorce. He's trying to decrease the possible child support. 

Sunshyn1838
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:53 PM


Quoting mommyecr3:

If I'm hearing this right, he always has Tuesdays and Fridays off? If so, how about Friday overnight until Sat night bedtime-ish and then every Tuesday he picks them up from school for dinner until close to bedtime? He probably can't overnight on Saturdays due to any 7AM Sunday shift? Or be open to some changes? He must get SOME advance notice of how his schedule will be? Best I've got for ya. Sorry.

His schedule is set for the year as a firefighter but his working days change every week. 

Sunshyn1838
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:57 PM


Quoting LauraMH:

You need to have your lawyer file for an emergency (temp) custody arrangements so he can stop going to get them without you knowledge or permission. My custody arrangements sucks so I won't even suggest that to you, but he will most likely get EOW and one over night a week. My ex wanted to do rotating days of the week to. I said absolutely not, the kids need some kind if structure and the judge agreed. So with the week nigjt is the same, but he will het one. If he wants 2 nights and you want none, then offer to meet in the middle with one overnight week night. It will prove you are willing to compromise and let him be a dad too.

I did, I've asked my lawyer to that a few times. I'm putting my foot down this time. If my lawyer doesn't file then I'm getting a new one. I'll think about compromising with the one night a week. 

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