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conflicting thoughts/feelings on ex losing interest

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My son's father has been the bane of my existance for 5 years of my life.  After one year (my son was then 15mths old) he (driven my his crazy mother) sought out access every other weekend with my son and won. ick.

It was a hellish traumatic ride of fighting, abuse, crazy making and manipulation.  I fought hard to put an end to it unsuccessfully.  Eventually the school called CAS because of things my son was saying.

Fast forward a year, and my son refused to go saying "I don't feel safe there"  CAS decided no more visits, supervised only.

That worked exactly 2x.  The 3rd visit ex was escorted off CAS property by police, and CAS refused to try anymore.  

Thing is, no one heard from ex ever again!  That was a year ago.  I guess is was (as he often said) "too much hassle"  In fact, his ENTIRE paternal family has dropped him like a hot potato.  Aunt, grandfather, grandmother.  ALL of them.

Enter mom guilt.

I am ecstatic that this abuser is out out out of my life! Even happier his psychotic mother is gone!  My son however, is miserable.  He cries, why doesn't my dad love me anymore? Why did everyone go away?  He went through a phase where he thought it was his fault.  He went through a phase where he thought it was my fault. 

Right before Christmas he had to be told he wouldn't be going to see his dad at his grandparents like he always had before.  He was crushed.  He thought he would (I don't know why).

I feel terrible for his hurt, I feel terrible I am happy the ex and his family are gone.  I wish he had family, I wish he had a father.  I am glad his father is gone.  I am glad his family is gone.  I'm scared they will change their mind and come back, I feel bad for feeling that.

Am I nuts???

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:53 PM
Replies (11-11):
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:30 PM

You are certainly not nuts.  You have feelings and are a decent human being.  Your ex is just like mine....a deadbeat father.  I never thought that my ex would turn out the way he eventually did.  There were plenty of red flags (leaving his parent's house when he was 16, marrying someone he got pregnant when he was 21.  Divorcing by the time he was 24.  Walking out on his first born's life (she was three at the time).  My ex was the bane of my existance for 26 years until he told me of his disgusting affair.  Now it's just me and my DD to face the world.  There have been many talks with my DD about what my ex did.  I let her open up to me.  Express herself and come to her own conclusions on how she views her father.  He did all the damage and she's clearly seen him for what he truly is - a loser. 

Hug your son.  Tell him you love him and will always be there for him no matter what.  You have to be the parent and the adult in the room.  Like me, you will make a great mom and always be there for your child.  Forget about the ex.  Make a family between you and your son.  Get him into therapy if you need to.  He's young and can work things out as he gets older.  Welcome to the group!

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