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Single Moms Single Moms

YOU are what they need

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:13 PM
  • 11 Replies
3 moms liked this

This is something I wrote to another mama who asked about dad no longer being around and I thought I'd share:

"Let your son know that you and him are a family and that you don't know why his dad isn't there but that YOU will ALWAYS love him and NEVER leave. I would always kiss my son and tell him, "Nothing in the world will ever stop me from loving you and not matter what mommy will NEVER leave you."

There is nothing you can do about the dad sadly, but just show him that he has you and that you are never going away. He needs that security. Also something I think a lot of single moms have trouble doing, which is at the detriment of many children, is let them know that just them and mom IS a family. They aren't missing out, they aren't any less loved than any other kid. I have a tattoo for my son that says, "Me and You, Just Us Two." I always let him know WE were a team, any one else in our lives was just extra but all that mattered was that we had each other."

I see ao many single moms that all they're wrapped up in is finding another man. SLOW DOWN! Your kid doesn't need another dad, or a half assed dad, what they do need though is a 100% mom. You CAN be all they need, but you have to feel that yourself. You have to have that confidence so that they can have confidence in you.

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Hezzy1228
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Amen sista, *high fives*
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Amen!!!! My son and I for a long time have been saying were a team. When he told me for the first time he didn't have a daddy I said he has a father that wasn't ready to be a daddy but you and mama are our own special family and he has so many people that love him and listed them all off he accepted that and hasn't mentioned it again
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lydi
by Lydi on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this

 exactly. my dd knows she is my life but she is also very loved by my family members and friends.  i think your words were a perfect way to explain this to a child.

Mommy2OneBoy621
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you sooo much for this! I have a 6 month old son. He is my whole world. His conception was less than honorable, due to a one night stand (Not the best representation of my character, and definitely not my finest hour) however, I can honestly say I don't regret for one single second that I decided to have my baby. No matter how it happened, he is here for a reason. 

That being said, the entire time I was pregnant I worried and cried and stressed over how I was going to answer his questions later on. Even though his father didn't knowingly turn his back on him, I still identify. I have prayed and talked to friends and family, trying to figure out how to answer the questions I know will be coming... 

I feel like I stumbled on this by design. Maybe to help ease my fears. I just hope he understands some day, and doesn't end up hating me.
I have said since the day I found out I was pregnant that I could do this on my own and I didn't need to have someone to take care of me and my baby. I haven't, and never will date purely to "find a father" for my son. No matter who walks in or out of our lives, He will ALWAYS be my number one man. No one will EVER come before my son.

Thank you again for posting this... 

Sorry this kinda turned into a slight rant/vent lol

       Darbi
aka
<3 Hunter's Mommy <3

Cenedra64
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Amen sister
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Robsessed98
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:52 PM

Yep. Very well said.

MissTuree
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:59 PM

Your rant/vent is no problem!

I too beat myself up with the same questions. Then I realized how much I loved him and how much love he had around him from so many people. That's when I knew there was nothing wrong with our situation, he wasn't at a loss, he had a darn good life! I also looked around at grandparents, aunts, uncles, adoptive parents raising different peoples children. Those children aren't 'disadvantaged'. They're surrounded by people that love them unconditionally, and that love and stability is what a child needs.

Whenever my son would ask about our 'different' family dynamic I would explain to him that families come in different sizes and different ways but that they were no less or more a family than any others. We're all different and have different families and that's OKAY! He is 8 now, and although my so and him are completely bonded as father and son my son has never felt down or acted as if there was something wrong with it just being us. He accepted it because I did. I was happy with him and so he was happy with me. :)

Sure questions will come up, but as long as you show your lo that you are a perfect family just the two of you he will be okay. :)

Quoting Mommy2OneBoy621:

Thank you sooo much for this! I have a 6 month old son. He is my whole world. His conception was less than honorable, due to a one night stand (Not the best representation of my character, and definitely not my finest hour) however, I can honestly say I don't regret for one single second that I decided to have my baby. No matter how it happened, he is here for a reason. 

That being said, the entire time I was pregnant I worried and cried and stressed over how I was going to answer his questions later on. Even though his father didn't knowingly turn his back on him, I still identify. I have prayed and talked to friends and family, trying to figure out how to answer the questions I know will be coming... 

I feel like I stumbled on this by design. Maybe to help ease my fears. I just hope he understands some day, and doesn't end up hating me.
I have said since the day I found out I was pregnant that I could do this on my own and I didn't need to have someone to take care of me and my baby. I haven't, and never will date purely to "find a father" for my son. No matter who walks in or out of our lives, He will ALWAYS be my number one man. No one will EVER come before my son.

Thank you again for posting this... 

Sorry this kinda turned into a slight rant/vent lol


MissTuree
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:02 PM

It's amazing how simple life can be for children! If you show them that everything is okay they will accept it because they have that trust in you! Sometimes I am thankful I was able to experience raising my son alone, it showed me a strength I may have never knew I had and even more so show me how much strength and trust my son had in me as well.

Quoting LifeCafe42:

Amen!!!! My son and I for a long time have been saying were a team. When he told me for the first time he didn't have a daddy I said he has a father that wasn't ready to be a daddy but you and mama are our own special family and he has so many people that love him and listed them all off he accepted that and hasn't mentioned it again


Mommy2OneBoy621
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this

You are so amazing! You brought tears to my eyes for the second time today! 
Its such a scary thing making the decision, or at least owning the situation and being a single mom!  I can honestly say it is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, and now I'm embarking on the Second hardest by starting College on Monday. Never in a million years would I have imagined this for myself but I wouldn't change it for the world. 
I know things will work out, and I will find a way to answer his questions and I will do my best to show him, and teach him that Family is what you make it. Family doesn't have to have a set formula. 

I can honestly say I feel like I am the most blessed mother in the world... I truly couldn't have ever imagined or asked for a better baby. Some days I wonder how on earth I got so lucky to get to be this amazing little guy's Mom! 

Quoting MissTuree:

Your rant/vent is no problem!

I too beat myself up with the same questions. Then I realized how much I loved him and how much love he had around him from so many people. That's when I knew there was nothing wrong with our situation, he wasn't at a loss, he had a darn good life! I also looked around at grandparents, aunts, uncles, adoptive parents raising different peoples children. Those children aren't 'disadvantaged'. They're surrounded by people that love them unconditionally, and that love and stability is what a child needs.

Whenever my son would ask about our 'different' family dynamic I would explain to him that families come in different sizes and different ways but that they were no less or more a family than any others. We're all different and have different families and that's OKAY! He is 8 now, and although my so and him are completely bonded as father and son my son has never felt down or acted as if there was something wrong with it just being us. He accepted it because I did. I was happy with him and so he was happy with me. :)

Sure questions will come up, but as long as you show your lo that you are a perfect family just the two of you he will be okay. :)

Quoting Mommy2OneBoy621:

Thank you sooo much for this! I have a 6 month old son. He is my whole world. His conception was less than honorable, due to a one night stand (Not the best representation of my character, and definitely not my finest hour) however, I can honestly say I don't regret for one single second that I decided to have my baby. No matter how it happened, he is here for a reason. 

That being said, the entire time I was pregnant I worried and cried and stressed over how I was going to answer his questions later on. Even though his father didn't knowingly turn his back on him, I still identify. I have prayed and talked to friends and family, trying to figure out how to answer the questions I know will be coming... 

I feel like I stumbled on this by design. Maybe to help ease my fears. I just hope he understands some day, and doesn't end up hating me.
I have said since the day I found out I was pregnant that I could do this on my own and I didn't need to have someone to take care of me and my baby. I haven't, and never will date purely to "find a father" for my son. No matter who walks in or out of our lives, He will ALWAYS be my number one man. No one will EVER come before my son.

Thank you again for posting this... 

Sorry this kinda turned into a slight rant/vent lol



       Darbi
aka
<3 Hunter's Mommy <3

MissTuree
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:24 PM

Aw! Thank you! Your son is very lucky to have a mom that has such a good head on her shoulders and loves him so much! I know it will be hard, but you guys will be just fine. :)

Quoting Mommy2OneBoy621:

You are so amazing! You brought tears to my eyes for the second time today! 
Its such a scary thing making the decision, or at least owning the situation and being a single mom!  I can honestly say it is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, and now I'm embarking on the Second hardest by starting College on Monday. Never in a million years would I have imagined this for myself but I wouldn't change it for the world. 
I know things will work out, and I will find a way to answer his questions and I will do my best to show him, and teach him that Family is what you make it. Family doesn't have to have a set formula. 

I can honestly say I feel like I am the most blessed mother in the world... I truly couldn't have ever imagined or asked for a better baby. Some days I wonder how on earth I got so lucky to get to be this amazing little guy's Mom! 

Quoting MissTuree:

Your rant/vent is no problem!

I too beat myself up with the same questions. Then I realized how much I loved him and how much love he had around him from so many people. That's when I knew there was nothing wrong with our situation, he wasn't at a loss, he had a darn good life! I also looked around at grandparents, aunts, uncles, adoptive parents raising different peoples children. Those children aren't 'disadvantaged'. They're surrounded by people that love them unconditionally, and that love and stability is what a child needs.

Whenever my son would ask about our 'different' family dynamic I would explain to him that families come in different sizes and different ways but that they were no less or more a family than any others. We're all different and have different families and that's OKAY! He is 8 now, and although my so and him are completely bonded as father and son my son has never felt down or acted as if there was something wrong with it just being us. He accepted it because I did. I was happy with him and so he was happy with me. :)

Sure questions will come up, but as long as you show your lo that you are a perfect family just the two of you he will be okay. :)

Quoting Mommy2OneBoy621:

Thank you sooo much for this! I have a 6 month old son. He is my whole world. His conception was less than honorable, due to a one night stand (Not the best representation of my character, and definitely not my finest hour) however, I can honestly say I don't regret for one single second that I decided to have my baby. No matter how it happened, he is here for a reason. 

That being said, the entire time I was pregnant I worried and cried and stressed over how I was going to answer his questions later on. Even though his father didn't knowingly turn his back on him, I still identify. I have prayed and talked to friends and family, trying to figure out how to answer the questions I know will be coming... 

I feel like I stumbled on this by design. Maybe to help ease my fears. I just hope he understands some day, and doesn't end up hating me.
I have said since the day I found out I was pregnant that I could do this on my own and I didn't need to have someone to take care of me and my baby. I haven't, and never will date purely to "find a father" for my son. No matter who walks in or out of our lives, He will ALWAYS be my number one man. No one will EVER come before my son.

Thank you again for posting this... 

Sorry this kinda turned into a slight rant/vent lol

 



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