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How do I explain it to him?

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:28 PM
  • 8 Replies

Whenever I take DS to a birthday party or a play date where the kids' father is involved he always brings up his dad and now DD is starting to talk about daddy, but I think it is just the word I don't believe she gets the whole dad thing. They haven't heard from him in over a year and it is better that way. I have explained to DS before that his dad is chosing not to be in his life and that he knows how to contact us if he ever wants to, but that I don't have a way to contact his dad, which is true. Even if his dad deleted my number his mom has it and she has my e-mail. 

After we go to a play date or birthday party DS will start talking about his dad and when ever we see an ambulance he says "I think my Daddy is dead." I don't want him to grow up believing in a lie, I want him to know the truth, which is that his dad is chosing not to see him. He even told Santa that his dad didn't want to see him. Broke my heart. He is going to be 5 on monday, on his fourth birthday and DD's 1st I was told not to invite them to their parties. I don't know what to tell him or how to help him. 

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:28 PM
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Replies (1-8):
kngarber
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I think honesty (as kid friendly as possible) is your best option. Talk it out with him. Sorry :(
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momma1708
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:52 PM

I feel like that is what I have been doing and I don't mind when he talks about him, I have even given him pictures of his dad, I have some set aside for DD when she starts asking. I am just worried about him trying to believe that he is dead or something a long those lines. He is trying to come up with a reason, other than the truth, as to why his dad wont see him? I don't want him to feel unloved and unworthy. I worry that he feels this way because when he can't do certain things he calls himself useless. I don't like him saying this and I explain to him that is not useless and that he and his sister are the most important people in my life and so on. I don't know what to do. He never listens to me when I tell him he isn't useless, he just gets more upset and says "yes I am." 

Quoting kngarber:

I think honesty (as kid friendly as possible) is your best option. Talk it out with him. Sorry :(


kngarber
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:02 PM

 Awwww.  I am so sorry.  That has to just rip your heart apart.  All you can do is be there for him like you are.  One day he will understand.  I know that doesn't make it easier in the mean time. 

Quoting momma1708:

I feel like that is what I have been doing and I don't mind when he talks about him, I have even given him pictures of his dad, I have some set aside for DD when she starts asking. I am just worried about him trying to believe that he is dead or something a long those lines. He is trying to come up with a reason, other than the truth, as to why his dad wont see him? I don't want him to feel unloved and unworthy. I worry that he feels this way because when he can't do certain things he calls himself useless. I don't like him saying this and I explain to him that is not useless and that he and his sister are the most important people in my life and so on. I don't know what to do. He never listens to me when I tell him he isn't useless, he just gets more upset and says "yes I am." 

Quoting kngarber:

I think honesty (as kid friendly as possible) is your best option. Talk it out with him. Sorry :(

 

 

Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:20 PM
That is very sad that a 5 yr old thinks he is useless! :( It sounds like you've been trying to talk it out with him but it's not working. Can you take him to a counselor?
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Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:20 PM
That is very sad that a 5 yr old thinks he is useless! :( It sounds like you've been trying to talk it out with him but it's not working. Can you take him to a counselor?
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momma1708
by Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 12:09 AM
1 mom liked this

I think that is what I am going to do. I am going to see if I can get him into the place that I go to, I belive they work with kids. 

Quoting Ridingsolo:

That is very sad that a 5 yr old thinks he is useless! :( It sounds like you've been trying to talk it out with him but it's not working. Can you take him to a counselor?


Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 12:27 AM


Quoting momma1708:

I think that is what I am going to do. I am going to see if I can get him into the place that I go to, I belive they work with kids. 

Quoting Ridingsolo:

That is very sad that a 5 yr old thinks he is useless! :( It sounds like you've been trying to talk it out with him but it's not working. Can you take him to a counselor?

 


Good luck!!  Sounds like you are on track to helping him.  I used to think very morbid things about myself as well, that I was useless and no one liked me.  I remember thinking that from a very young age, and it really affected my ability to socialize and grow as a person.  I wish I had had the opportunity to have those negative thoughts redirected!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:55 AM
I tell my son that he's not able to be around and I don't know where he is. Which is true. I plan on putting him in counseling when he gets to school
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