Today is DS's 5th birthday. We are having such a good day! He got lots of stuff already and his party isn't till saturday.
Well I got thinking when I had a moment alone while cooking dinner I started wondering if his dad was even acknowledging the day. We haven't heard from him in a year and I wouldn't expect him to even remember. I have a friend who has him on facebook and my first was to grab the phone, call her and see if she saw anything. Then I stopped myself. Why should I torture myself like that? What does it matter if he makes a note of it or not? It doesn't because he is gone. He isn't in our lives and he probably never will be again. Why should I bother caring about what his thoughts are about my kids? I shouldn't. It doesn't change anything for my children or myself. The only thing it does it adds stress and give me even more reason to be angry with him. I know I would get upset over him not saying anything or him saying something. I don't want to keep putting myself through that. I am trying to let go of stress and anger.
so here is to me, my son and my daughter and our lives, our family. Here is to their dad's family, his new baby, his new family. I hope that they are as happy with him as we are without him.