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He will not run my life!

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:03 PM
  • 21 Replies
4 moms liked this

Today is DS's 5th birthday. We are having such a good day! He got lots of stuff already and his party isn't till saturday. 

Well I got thinking when I had a moment alone while cooking dinner I started wondering if his dad was even acknowledging the day. We haven't heard from him in a year and I wouldn't expect him to even remember. I have a friend who has him on facebook and my first was to grab the phone, call her and see if she saw anything. Then I stopped myself. Why should I torture myself like that? What does it matter if he makes a note of it or not? It doesn't because he is gone. He isn't in our lives and he probably never will be again. Why should I bother caring about what his thoughts are about my kids? I shouldn't. It doesn't change anything for my children or myself. The only thing it does it adds stress and give me even more reason to be angry with him. I know I would get upset over him not saying anything or him saying something. I don't want to keep putting myself through that. I am trying to let go of stress and anger. 

so here is to me, my son and my daughter and our lives, our family. Here is to their dad's family, his new baby, his new family. I hope that they are as happy with him as we are without him. 

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:04 PM
Aw, that's a great way to look at it! You would be sad if you heard from him too...Either way it's sad. At least, that's how I feel and I have a similar situation. Kudos on not stalking his fb. Happy bday to your ds!!
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strongerwtime
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:53 PM

 yeah those what if's will have your head spinning...not worth it.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:47 PM

I know exactly how you feel.  My ex walked out on me because he had an affair with a co-worker.  He has two kids with her.  I used to want to know what his life was like with 'her'.  I no longer care.  I cured myself simply by realizing that the pain I (and my DD) went through with the ex when were a family was simply pure hell.  Money, his temper and the way he constantly treated me and my DD made our heads spin.  I no longer have worry about working all that out with the ex.  He's in dire need of mental help.  Now he's 'her' problem.  I can check out 'her' FB anytime I want.  I would only end up hurting myself by seeing what's going on her and my ex's pathetic life.  That's the horrible thing about FB.  It's so public to everyone. 

My ex's last communication to my DD was a text message to her just after his 53rd b-day.  He simply said this "Hope you have a nice Christmas holiday".  He never gave her anything for Christmas.  In fact, he never gave her anything for her 18th b-day nor for her HS graduation.  He's a lousy father and always will be.  He even walked out on his first born - a girl - who is 6 years his new wife's junior.  What a mess, huh? 

My DD and I are a family and always will be.  IF my ex wants to be a decent father he knows how to be.  He certainly hasn't shown our DD he is in years.  She actually found out that she has an older sister just shortly after I separated from her father.  He truly is scum.

Good for you in looking at your life so positively.  Your kids are much better off without their father in their lives and so are you. 

Diamond2010
by Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this

It's sad that some people's exes [including mines] forget about their kids. Just because you moved on from your previous relationship, doesn't mean you have to move on from your children as well. Your post was beautifully said and amen to it.

meranda20
by Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:11 PM

i'm dealing with my kids not having their fathers day by day. I can't sit here and lie and say It doesn't bother because it does, that's probably where alot of my stress is coming from. Both my girls dads are absent, didn't gat a call for Christmas New Years nothing, I just wish I could just not let it bother me that it's better without either of them you know.

jacobsmom0110
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:27 PM

I wish I was at the point where I could stop myself from thinking about him and the what ifs...it has been three years and I should be but unfortunately I am not. My sons birthday was this past Sunday and I spent the entire day looking at my phone wondering if he was going to call him even though I knew that he wouldnt just like he didnt call on Christmas

ms.sophsmom
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:38 PM
Awww that is sad in a way.. But your kids are lucky to have you still. Happy Belated Birthday to your little man :))
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momma1708
by Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 10:09 PM

It still bothers and I hate it that my kids have to go through this, but I am just really starting to let go of bringing stress on to myself. I was worried around Christmas that he would call asking to see them, but I knew deep down that he wouldn't because he hadn't called that entire year. Last year I was told, by his mom, not to invite them to the kids' birthday parties. It was DD's first brithday and DS's 4th. I guess I should say last year but in 2011. 

I don't think it will ever stop bothering me because I know that my kids are hurting emotionally from it, I just hope that I can help them through it as much as possible and in order for me to do that, i can't keep looking for a reason to be mad at him all the time. 

Quoting meranda20:

i'm dealing with my kids not having their fathers day by day. I can't sit here and lie and say It doesn't bother because it does, that's probably where alot of my stress is coming from. Both my girls dads are absent, didn't gat a call for Christmas New Years nothing, I just wish I could just not let it bother me that it's better without either of them you know.


momma1708
by Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 10:19 PM

I still think about him. I dont think I will ever stop. I just think about him less and in different way. Where I used to wonder about all the what ifs I started thinking that I honestly and truly hope that he and his new family are happy. I hope they stay away and one day, when my kids are older if they want to find him, I will be there. I will be right by their sides. I used to think that I wouldn't be able to be apart of that but I can be. 

I know it is hard but sitting around waiting for something that isn't going to happen will only hurt you and your son. I feel like us stressing about all these things that their absent parents aren't doing for them makes it worse for them. I have noticed a difference with my son. He doesn't ask about his dad nearly as much and he seems a lot happier now. We still have our moments where he gets upset. Just the other day we were going out to eat and an ambulance drove past with the sirens on and he said "I think my daddy is dead." I told him that he wasn't and that if he was, we would know. He said something along the lines of "Oh.... he doesn't want to see me." It breaks my heart everytime he says things like this. I didn't realize till this moment that I don't get angry any more. I hurt. It breaks my heart. 

I will not lie to you, one of the things thats helping me is that I have been seeking therapy and I am taking a mood stablizer, not just because of all of this but other things in my life. It really helps. 

Quoting jacobsmom0110:

I wish I was at the point where I could stop myself from thinking about him and the what ifs...it has been three years and I should be but unfortunately I am not. My sons birthday was this past Sunday and I spent the entire day looking at my phone wondering if he was going to call him even though I knew that he wouldnt just like he didnt call on Christmas


Lurion
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 10:25 PM

Cheers! 


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