Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

How do you cope???

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:54 PM
  • 19 Replies

 My dd is 6 months old; her father and I split up when I was 10 weeks pregnant. We are in the middle of a custody battle and I'm finding it really difficult to cope with possible outcomes. I live in CO and this state favors shared custody which would be fine with me if my dd was older... a lot older. My ex just this month started paying child support because the Enforcement office is having it deducted from his pay; he is fighting all the back child support he owes. I have two other dds and have sole legal custody of them; they're 6 and 3. I am just having a extremely difficult time wrapping my head around 50/50 custody involving a 6 month old baby. Especially when I have been her sole provider since she was born; he sees her Tues, Thurs, and every other Saturday but doesn't get overnights because I EBF and there have been numerous occasions where he has chosen something else over her. Now that we have the courts involved I am at their mercy; I'm scared that they won't take into account that he has chosen personal things over his dd's needs and continues to be nasty even though I have been very reasonable. I just need advice.. sorry if this is rambling on I've just got a lot on my mind and worry a lot.

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:54 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Robsessed98
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 6:10 PM

Just give your attorney as much dirt on him as you can dig up. Has he tried to get a Guardian Ad Litem (someone unbiased to research and represent the baby's best interest in court) appointed? All you can do is trust in your attorney and be prepared to accept the judge's decision. If he does get 50/50, keep detailed records of everything pertaining to him and the baby so if he doesn't follow the rules you will have proof and can take him back to court.

babycakes041903
by Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 6:40 PM
Quoting Robsessed98:

Just give your attorney as much dirt on him as you can dig up. Has he tried to get a Guardian Ad Litem (someone unbiased to research and represent the baby's best interest in court) appointed? All you can do is trust in your attorney and be prepared to accept the judge's decision. If he does get 50/50, keep detailed records of everything pertaining to him and the baby so if he doesn't follow the rules you will have proof and can take him back to court.




He just got served the papers today; I filed in November but the timing was really bad with the holidays and his mom coming to visit. Things between were also really rough and I was scared. I only communicate with him through text (except in passing) so I have records of most things. I'm just nervous. He continuously threatens to go for full custody and it scares me; I know he won't get that but my children are my life and as a mom it's my biggest fear to "lose" them. I'm a good mom and I know that I'm the best choice; not saying that spitefully but my ex is still living the single life. Drinking, partying, womanizing and I think he lacks the responsibility and common sense required to be a responsible parent. Yes I think he's an ok dad but not to be a major role model in her life. Do u know what I mean? He's 30 but has A LOT of growing up to do still.
MissTuree
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:40 PM

Is this his first child?

babycakes041903
by Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Quoting MissTuree:

Is this his first child?




Yes. I think shes like a new toy to him... I wish I knew where his heart really was when it comes to her. I'm not trying to keep her from him; he's been able to see her since she was born. I guess I'm just worried that 6 months, 1 yr, 2 even is just too young to be bounced back and forth. A child needs stability and a sense of normalcy.
lifechanging313
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I will certainly be praying/thinking of you during this difficult time.  I will soon be going through the same, as I will have my sweet baby in March.  I agree with the need for stability you talk about.  And I struggle with the same ideas you have, such as wrapping your head around 50-50, even though you don't want to keep your baby from him.  I know none of that matters, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.  Stay strong, mama!

MissTuree
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Normal is what you make it. My best friends parents divorced when she was a baby, around your baby's age. Her and her sister jumped back and forth between houses her entire life, that's all she knew. Her parents divorced because her dad wasn't 100% in the marriage, he was more worried about going to bars and hanging with the guys and put his family at a very low second.

She just graduated with her Bachelor's degree and is now working on her Master's. She has NEVER in her life gotten any grade from Kindergarten till now less than an A. (I know this for a FACT) She is still a virgin because she believes in saving herself for her husband. That doesn't mean she's a shut in or unattractive though, she is a gorgeous, fun, all around great person. I wish on a daily basis I could be half as good as her.

Her dad ended up being a really great father, he just took awhile longer to grow up. Yes, it sucks that they can't grow up like us and mature right away, but that doesn't mean they're destined for failure. My friend grew up in TWO very loving, nurturing homes and  has turned into a great woman because of it.

Your baby will be okay, as long as you are her rock and keep a solid foundation in your home. Hopefully his intentions are genuine, then everything will work out and she will be fine.


 

Quoting babycakes041903:

Quoting MissTuree:

Is this his first child?




Yes. I think shes like a new toy to him... I wish I knew where his heart really was when it comes to her. I'm not trying to keep her from him; he's been able to see her since she was born. I guess I'm just worried that 6 months, 1 yr, 2 even is just too young to be bounced back and forth. A child needs stability and a sense of normalcy.


Robsessed98
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 8:07 PM

Just don't let yourself stress over it and pray that being a dad will make him grow up.

Quoting babycakes041903:

Quoting Robsessed98:

Just give your attorney as much dirt on him as you can dig up. Has he tried to get a Guardian Ad Litem (someone unbiased to research and represent the baby's best interest in court) appointed? All you can do is trust in your attorney and be prepared to accept the judge's decision. If he does get 50/50, keep detailed records of everything pertaining to him and the baby so if he doesn't follow the rules you will have proof and can take him back to court.




He just got served the papers today; I filed in November but the timing was really bad with the holidays and his mom coming to visit. Things between were also really rough and I was scared. I only communicate with him through text (except in passing) so I have records of most things. I'm just nervous. He continuously threatens to go for full custody and it scares me; I know he won't get that but my children are my life and as a mom it's my biggest fear to "lose" them. I'm a good mom and I know that I'm the best choice; not saying that spitefully but my ex is still living the single life. Drinking, partying, womanizing and I think he lacks the responsibility and common sense required to be a responsible parent. Yes I think he's an ok dad but not to be a major role model in her life. Do u know what I mean? He's 30 but has A LOT of growing up to do still.


Musiq_Junkie
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this

U couldn't have said it better!!!!Definitely pray about it *HUGS*

Quoting Robsessed98:

Just don't let yourself stress over it and pray that being a dad will make him grow up.

Quoting babycakes041903:

Quoting Robsessed98:

Just give your attorney as much dirt on him as you can dig up. Has he tried to get a Guardian Ad Litem (someone unbiased to research and represent the baby's best interest in court) appointed? All you can do is trust in your attorney and be prepared to accept the judge's decision. If he does get 50/50, keep detailed records of everything pertaining to him and the baby so if he doesn't follow the rules you will have proof and can take him back to court.




He just got served the papers today; I filed in November but the timing was really bad with the holidays and his mom coming to visit. Things between were also really rough and I was scared. I only communicate with him through text (except in passing) so I have records of most things. I'm just nervous. He continuously threatens to go for full custody and it scares me; I know he won't get that but my children are my life and as a mom it's my biggest fear to "lose" them. I'm a good mom and I know that I'm the best choice; not saying that spitefully but my ex is still living the single life. Drinking, partying, womanizing and I think he lacks the responsibility and common sense required to be a responsible parent. Yes I think he's an ok dad but not to be a major role model in her life. Do u know what I mean? He's 30 but has A LOT of growing up to do still.



Lilypie First Birthday tickers

MissKittyPurry
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Your life sounds almost exactly like mine. We split up when I was 10 weeks pregnant and I just had DD December 14. I'm also ebf and I let him see her, supervised visits. He can't take her anywhere. But I'm terrified of what will happen in court. He was served papers today or possibly tomorrow and he's supposed to come over Wednesday. He doesn't put DD needs before his. I had to ask him to see a doctor because he came over extremely sick. Turns out he had bronchitis. Thank god DD didn't contact anything! He's 28 and still playing in a band and living the single life. I also think DD is just something new to him. Best of luck.
I've been keeping records and copies of everything. The advice you'll find on here is priceless. Have faith.


Quoting babycakes041903:

Quoting MissTuree:

Is this his first child?






Yes. I think shes like a new toy to him... I wish I knew where his heart really was when it comes to her. I'm not trying to keep her from him; he's been able to see her since she was born. I guess I'm just worried that 6 months, 1 yr, 2 even is just too young to be bounced back and forth. A child needs stability and a sense of normalcy.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lazydayz
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Keep a journal of her daily care and his visits.  This will help you prove you are the sole care taker.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN