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Should you stay with someone who makes you happy even though you know it will never "go" anywhere?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:16 PM
  • 21 Replies

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now.  Been divorced for three.  My bf treats me very well and we are pretty happy together.  When we met, I was drawn to him because we had similar interests and disinterests, and both of us were adamant that we would never again marry.  Unfortunately, I am beginning to have doubts about that, and more and more I am starting to yearn for the "fairy tale" of growing old with someone.  My bf is fine with the idea of a long term relationship, even a "forever" relationship, but just does not believe it is necessary to get married to have that.  I am not sure I want to "date" for the rest of my life.  Although I am content right now, I know within the next 2-5 years I will want more.  I know he will never want to marry, so if I want that, I will eventually have to move on. 

Is it wrong for me to stay, knowing I will eventually leave, or should I just be happy now and worry about the future later? 

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:29 PM

 You should never stay in a relationship just for one thing. Like some women stay "just for the kids" or "just because they can't picture moving on" You should want and you deserve the whole package and if being married makes you feel complete you need to sit him down and talk it over.

Tell him how you feel and listen to how he feels. Is he scared of the committment? Is he scared of things changing? Go at it slowly but ultimately if you 2 are not on the same page then you will need to move on. Best of luck mama! <3

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, only you can answer this question.  I'm single and not dating at all.  Been divorced for just over a year.  I said I would never marry again once I divorced my ex.  Have seen way too many problems with friends' marriages going bad.  They only stay in them for the kids and for comfort sake.  I can't live like that.  IF I get married it will be for someone I know that will last forever.  I knew I was marrying someone with a past and with many red flags.  I married him anyway thinking I could change him. 

If you feel comfortable in the relationship then stay.  If you feel you want more then leave.  It's truly up to you to make that choice.  We can only give you advice.

bellamomof1978
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:17 PM

go god sounds like my life .I been off and on with my kids father for  17 years he a great father but he dose not know how to be in one relationship and I am so tried of the bs I just wanted to move on with my like but with having five kids I worry about the kids feelings and worry about finding someone that would not be good to them cause he not there father ..

PeaceLoveZ
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:56 PM

 It's not wrong of you to stay but if you ultimately want more than your cheating yourself of what you want and desire. In my opinion after 2 years if you're both not on the same page then it may be time to move on.

labrax
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this

You call him your boyfriend and say you are content with him for now but you are beginning to yearn for permanence (marriage) in the relationship.

Hmmm..., that hurts by itself especially since you know he said he doesn't want to get married. I know people start of feeling one thing and might change their feelings over time, so, I would advice that since you are content now with the relationship but know that if there's no change in 2-5 years you won't be happy then wait till you are no longer satisfied with the situation.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would rather date for the rest of my life with a man like that, than to get married.  Have cake and eat it too!

LoveMyCuties612
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:10 PM
Be happy now! Take advantage of any happiness.
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stormystar15
by Jessica on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:11 PM
Talk to him about it. You never know he could change his mind on the whole marriage thing.
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GI_Jane230
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:13 PM
Thank you for all the good advice
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I am in a similar situation. 2 yrs with same guy... I want more and he is content with ehat we have. Right now what we have is ok since my focus is my kids. But in 2 yrs when they hraduate, I don't know if I will be happy with what we have. He genuinely makes me happy so I decided I am going to take it day by day and if a day comes that I feel I need to give an ultimatum... then I will be the one to walk away
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