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i just dont know :/

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:57 AM
  • 11 Replies

Okay, so I have a 2 month old baby girl and im debating whether to file for child support or not. Im not with the father and he lives 4 hours away. We barely talk anymore because everytime we do we argue. He hasn't paid for anything so far and keeps making excuses on why he can't send money. I know i can't go 18 years having to pay for everything myself. Im scared to file for a couple diff. reasons. He partys all the time and is always talking to girls. If she were to visit him i wouldn't know whats going on regarding him taking care of her. I honestly just dont want to talk or see him ever again but I need financial help from him. Do yall think i should file or not?

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:19 AM

I would NOT NOT NOT file.  Child support does not equal visitation, but most men will seek visitation (if not 50/50 custody eventually) if you are getting child support from him.  It's not worth it.

You are right to worry about where your child might be.  Would he answer her as soon as she cries?  Would he be as patient with her as you would be? 

The answers to those questions are probably no.  I doesn't matter that he is her "father"; he doesn't love as much as you, clearly by his behavior.

As tough as it is now, I'd scrape by in whatever way I could on my own. 

If your income is low enough, you may be able to get food stamps and WIC...if you haven't established paternity, they won't go after the father for any money. 

I am in the same exact situation.  My son is 8 months old.  I pay for everything, and it's definitely very, very difficult.  I could desperately use the child support, but my son's safety is worth more to me than a few hundred dollars a month.  I don't want to risk that my ex ever be alone with my son.  He may not take his visits now, but getting child support keeps the door open for him to come back for a long time. 

Only you can know what's best for you though.  Good luck!!

anthonysmom1012
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:54 AM
1 mom liked this

I filed for child support.  The state goes after him.  He hasn't seen Anthony in over a month.  That money is your childs and by not filing The "dad" is getting away wtih not having to be responsible.  child support doesn't mean visitation at all. have you established custody? I live in oregon and they don't mess around. i found out the "sperm donar" was fired, I called child support told them he was fired and they garnish his unemployment.  The deal is Thats the baby's money to help with daily living.  Absolutely file other wise he doesn't have to be responsible. and just because there is child support doesn't mean he gets to see the baby either. File for custody and write what you want the visitations to loook like.  heart is with you lobe. Anthony is 3 months old and im getting by on state assistance until i go back to work.

SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:59 AM
1 mom liked this

If you need the help, go for it. Child support does not equal visitation or custody. You are only seeking the financial help that you need for your daughter. With that being said some men will try to go for joint custody as that will get the support lowered if they can prove they too are providing for the child )depends on your state)

I'd say file and forget about it. Him partying or talking to girls has nothing to do with his parenting. If you are worried about the environment he takes her into, let him come see her at your place until you can trust him alone with her. If you are worried about the stablity of the environment you can always say no.

carlajrn2013
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:01 AM

I would file. My daughter is 3 now and her dad has not seen her once since she was born. I was reluctant to file at 1st after all that had happened between us but I was glad that I did because the state went after him and made him go back and pay from day 1. They take the money directly out of his check monthly and I don't have to speak or deal with him at all. It's not only your child so the dad should be made to help you take care of your daughter. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:02 AM
I would file for child support and custody.

I know many men who have visitation that don't use it.
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Debby29681
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:36 AM
I would give back all of my child support if I thought it would keeps kids' dad away from them. So emotionally I say no, don't do it. But, it's also your responsibility to get child support before using govt services. Very difficult decision.
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:47 AM
Child support does not mean he gets visitation or custody. You and your child deserve to have their dad help support them, whether he chooses to exercise his right as a father or not is his choice. Good luck.
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steviechick
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:33 PM

I agree with everyone else - file for cs.  He is just as financially responsible for you child as you are.  You will gain full custody once you file for cs.  If your ex wants to see his child he already has the chance to do so now.  He's not.  That's a sure sign he could care less about his own child.  Don't worry about visitation.  He gets it now.  It's not happening.

PoplarGrove
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:42 PM

File for sole custody first. Use the past history to get it.  Once that's in place go after him for child support.  There's a chance he might try for visitation after you file for c/s but you now have the fact that he agreed to sole custody andhasnt seen his child to ask for supervised visitation.  If he even files...sounds like that would cut into his party time.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:22 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Best thing to do, make it legal and binding.  Good luck.

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