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How Many More Excuses!!!

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:14 PM
  • 9 Replies

 I'll start of fby saying I am not without a heart, but this is not my problem.  I have sympathy for the situation but not the people.  My Ex informed me a little over a month ago that the woman he has been with for 7 months is pregnant (5 months).  Now in my DS (age 5) life, BF has not contributed very much as a father or a partner when we were together.  Also he has the need to tell me information on his personal life which I have no interest in, but he often gets side tracked in our conversations reguarding our son. 

The new GF has health issues and I'm not sure weather this baby is a joyful occasion for her, but I have let BF know that the lack of support and being a father for the 1 he already has  that this is the 2nd most irresponsible thing he has done.  (Yes I went there and he does not disagree with what I said, this wasn't a planned pregnacy I take from him).  Any who the GF has health issues and is high risk in her pregnancy going to the doctor I've been told 3-4 times a week and has been that way for awhile now on top of other problems with diabetes. 

My question is this, my DS was here before her and may be here after her as BF is showing signs of bailing on her.  He has not been the best father but my DS loves him and wants to spend time with him, BF being with GF has slowed down these visits and it has been Christmas Eve since he has seen his son.  Now weather it be her or something else as it has been in the past I will always hear the excuse on why he didn't show, call or visit.  When is enough enough and how did you handle it??  I am looking to go for primary/sole custody in the next coupld months and will leave it up to him to file for the type of visitation he wants, but I am tired of having to have his OK on legal issues that I do want to do with our child (cruise, homeschool - why do I need to have his OK to do any of these things if he is not an active part or a $ providing part??) and I am probably as hard as they come as a BM, but then again I have to do what is best for my child and our life since he chooses not to be a regular part in any area emotional, finically, supportative.

Tired & Crazy Mom of 2 BOYS

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:14 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Diamond2010
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:54 PM

I am going through the EXACT same thing your going through.  My ex puts him and his gfs needs before our sons.  Ever since him and gf hooked up he only sees our son when it's convenient for him.  There were times when my ex would see him just once a month.  Throughout the year of 2012, he only bought our son small things [pull-ups, clothing, toys] 6 times.  3 of those 6 times, my family had to get hostile with him in order for him to feel bad and want to buy something for our son.  And don't let me get started on the child support.... Received child support for 2 months out of the year of 2012.  I have tried talking with him about being responsible, but he chooses to talk about his new gf, his new apt. ,the new things he buys himself, or how I was such a horrible companion to him.  There was a time I loaned him $50 to take care of our son while I was out of town for just a day longer and he couldnt even keep his promise of watching our son, because gf asked him to go to a party with her.  So he left our son with my mom.  Were not bitter by telling it like it is either.  Were just stating the facts.

MamaT710
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Why do guys think its OK to bail on their kids they helped create. I get circumstances may not be what they wanted and part of their life was going to be comprimised but do they think we went into these relationships with them with the thought it would turn out like this??
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mz23
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:55 AM
I would just ignore him. Id say calls when you wanna see your child or want to give money for them. Everything else is irrelevant.
MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 1:16 AM
1 mom liked this
Ignore him but if you haven't already got a CS order get one before the new baby's mom gets one.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:26 AM
All you have is your son with him when he starts bringing up other things go back to your son. He is his ultimate decision maker you want something you fight for it. He needs to stop playing the blame game
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MamaT710
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 10:33 AM

 Have one and how stupid was I, last year I had his arrears wiped and his payments reduced, still to this day 14 months ago only 1 $50 payment has been made, so to say the least he is in arrears again and I will not be bumping them anymore.  But if things don't work with new GF and she goes after him then only $100 will be considered monthly as DS child support so she can be ordered more...but hey nothing from nothing is still NOTHING, smh

Quoting MeeshMom:

Ignore him but if you haven't already got a CS order get one before the new baby's mom gets one.

 

Tired & Crazy Mom of 2 BOYS

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 10:40 AM

My idiot ex actually works for the state in which we live.  He's in arrears since last July BIG MISTAKE to make for a STATE employee.  I have filed a lien on his taxes with the county Child Spt Svcs.  Get this - the exes tramp (now wife) works for family serivces.  She's on the paperwork as well - his new wife.  Those idiots will be out in front now.  And, my ex also filed a Chap 7.  That will come up as well.  They both deserve all the ridicule they will get.  My ex is in arrears over $8k.  He's an idiot.

Your ex is a fool to get two women pregnant and not have the money to support both of his kids.  Sorry you are going through this, too.  Why are men such morons?

 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 6:10 PM

 honestly, my kids dad has joint legal and ive never told him or asked him anything regarding my kids education or medical and hes never asked me shit. he lets me do my thing because he doesnt have the first clue. if he ever does give me any input, i do consider it. we get along fine.

as far as his visiting. you cant blame or belittle his gf's place in his life, he is choosing this. you cant make someone step up and do what you think they should. by all means, file for sole custody and see how that goes. its up to him to ask for what visitation he wants. good luck.

efarrugia
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 10:00 PM

when my ex is dating someone, he thinks w the wrong head and pushes my son asideaside too. I have fought the battle of child support and told him how I felt about having women spend the night. he too got someone pregnant, which ended in a miscarriage. My advice is always be there for your children no matter what. my son knows that when it comes to me, I always put him first. he knows his dad doesn't. it's hard to always be the responsible one. also make sure you get child support and have it go through the state and have it come out of his pay check. stay strong!

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