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extremely upset

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:32 PM
  • 10 Replies
I had my son just over a week ago on December 31st. Things have been great really and he is doing wonderful. The thing is I cry all the time. I just feel like I've ruined his life by having and keeping him. Me and his father are together but he annoys the crap out of my mom by making stupid comments. This annoys me too and it just seems like he is dragging his feet in life now. We both are seniors in high school but while I worked hard while going through a hell of a pregnancy and finished my required classes for graduation early he is getting fathr and farther behind. Both his family and mine are worried he won't be able to graduate this year because he is so far behind. This really annoys my mom and whenever he comes over to see the baby and me my mom pretty much disappears in order to prevent from her saying something she will regret. I hate all of it and I cry all the time just feeling like I ruined my sons life and he could have such a better life if he would have a full family. I don't want to have to choose between his father and my mom because my mom is so much more of a help and support. I'm so scared of what will happen to my son and what his future will be like but I know it won't be as great as he deserves. Sorry for ranting I needed To get that out but now I'm crying again. I love my son to death but I can't help but cry knowing I've really ruined his life.
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by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sophia497
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:50 PM

you havent ruined his life and i dont think you ever will. as long as you love him and do what is best for him then he will be ok. you did what you needed to do to graduate now look at getting into a local college so you can later give him the life you want him to have. you dont need to focus on his father if he doesnt want to step up you cant force him to. i learned this the hard way. and dont choose some boy over family, especially a boy thats showing he cant, or doesnt want to provide. 

MommysTimeOut5
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 8:15 PM

You have NOT ruined his life. Just keep getting all of the support from your family that you can. I take my hat off to you for pushing on to get done with school.  As for your baby's father, you are now a mother FIRST and his girlfriend second. It is all about what is best for your son and a stressed out mommy is not what little man needs. Best of luck!!!

Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 9:06 PM

I've seen all your posts when we were in the pregnancy group together...when you first found out and had to tell the church, etc.  You have been through so much!!  I had a horrible time during my pregnancy and the first few months after, crying all the time and feeling like a failure...I'm 24 and had trouble dealing with all those feelings, so I could only imagine how hard it has been for you.

Personally, I think your boyfriend and you are both very young.  The odds that you will stay together are slim, but I wouldn't worry about that for now.

Just focus as much as you can on your son, you, and your future.  Are you planning to go to college?  Are you planning to work?  Etc., etc.  You love your son and that is all that matters.  Whether he has a two parent household or not, he is LOVED, and that is a lot more than many kids who come from a two parent household.

PS Pregnanyc hormones and postpartum hormones are a nitemare and make everything worse than it really is. I feel so drastically different now, 8 months after I delivered, than I did throughout the pregnancy and first few months of my son's life.  You will feel better soon!   

LeeLee375
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 9:12 PM
Hey, I belong to the Single Moms group and they may be a big help to you. Maybe you could just copy and paste this post over there too.

But good luck with everything! Sounds like you may have the baby blues, aka postpartum depression. Totally normal with all the crazy hormones. I actually needed medicine for the first couple months, and Zoloft is safe even if u r breastfeeding. It helped me keep a level head after having a baby with a dad that wasn't there.

But anyway, if you love your child and are worried about what is best for him, then u are a good mommy already.

It sounds like your mom is trying to be respectful and helpful. Please don't ever choose between her and a guy. They should be able to co-exist. My mom is the biggest help I could possibly have. Yours probably will be too, for years to come.

Congratulations on the baby, too!
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Jan. 9, 2013 at 9:31 PM

You haven't ruined his life.  If you don't think you should be with your BF, you can end that.  If you are not happy, stressed out and not in a good place emotionally, baby will sense it and you could have a rough road ahead of you.  *HUGS*

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:07 AM
If it wasn't for you he wouldn't have a life. Focus on you and your son you have a good head on your shoulders. There are lots of different types of families and having a bad dad around isn't always what's best for the child
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elizabethnoelb
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:24 AM

I had my daughter when I was 18 yrs old.  I dropped out of school and just decided to get my GED.  So I COMMEND you for finishing. You go girl!  Its a huge accomplishment! I was with my childs dad till she was 1 yrs old.  I was miserable that entire year.  I ended up moving back home with my momma and began working on getting my life together so I could gear up to be a single mother.  I worked hard. Very hard.  Attended some college , got a good job and finally was able to get my own place.  For about 7-8 yrs I lived in a apts.  Alot of them. Moving from place to place.  Finally I found a HOUSE - I currently rent it and will probably stay there until the day comes when I can buy one.  There are times I feel sorry for my daughter that she doesn't have a "normal" family life but all in all, we are doing just fine. I assure you , you are NOT ruining your sons life.  You should be proud of yourself.  Just keep trudging along, lose the BD if he is not going to step up, use your mom for support and just keep reminding yourself, THE ONLY OPTION YOU HAVE ... IS TO MAKE IT.  I had to tell myself this (and still do at times ) ALL the time. Keep it up girl, you can make it. You can be the best mommy to your son and everything will be fine.  DOn't beat yourself up! Young moms go through so many emotions, its completely normal.  Just do whats right and things will be alright! I promise!

mytrueloveS
by Lori on Jan. 10, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Don't feel bad or sorry for you son.  He has his mother, you sound like a strong woman; focus on your future and your son's future.  As for the father, if he doesn't want to step up, then maybe its' time to reconsider the relationship.  He needs to graduate and get a better job, don't stress over him, he's a big boy now. 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 10:06 AM

I can assure you you are not ruining your son's life.  You are persuing a college degree, and are taking care of your child.  Where is the father?  He's the one ruining that child's life by not being in it.  If you aren't ready to date then don't.  There's no reason to be involved with another young man if you aren't ready and he's not mature enough to date.  Continue headed down the road to higher learning.  Get that college degree.  I'm a single mom, too.  I actually was single when I was even married.  Taking care of the bills, my daughter's needs and even my own needs.  My ex was barely even in our lives.  He was too busy chasing after his tramp.  You are young and a young mom at that.  You have so much to experience in life.  That also involves emotions.  It's normal to feel this way at your age.  Keep focused on that degree and being a good mom to your son.  That's all that matters.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:54 AM

Hugs!!

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