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The Girlfriend...what to do...

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 1:21 AM
  • 8 Replies

Hello all,

I'm confused and need some advice. My ex has been in jail for most of my daughter's life. He has gotten out and has been Skyping her (We moved cross country) since he got out. I'm trying to support them having a relationship together, but I also want to protect her as much as possible. We recently moved back close to home and they have been having supervised visitations for the last couple of months. She loves visiting him and Skyping him. He has been consistent about the visitations since we started in November.

My question is the girlfriend. He has been dating someone for a couple of months and wants to introduce my daughter to her. Every few months, he is dating someone new; however, most of the time he does not try to introduce my daughter to her. I'm not comfortable with this, as I feel he should focus on his relationship with my daughter right now. I'm not against them eventually meeting if they last, but I think he should spend more time by himself with my daughter and there should be more time in his relationship with his girlfriend before introducing my daughter to her. As a sidenote, I have not introduced my daughter to any person I have dated and I do not plan on introducing her until it is VERY serious...

What do you think? Is it reasonable for me to ask him to wait to introduce my daughter to his girlfriend? If I was taken to court, do you think a judge will see my side of things or should I just let it go? Ultimately, he does not have unsupervised time with my daughter and may not ever since he'll have to pay to change the court order, lol.

I am a single mom of a beautiful 6 year old girl named Sarah. I am a Christian single mother who is trying to be the best mother for my daughter.

by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 1:21 AM
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Replies (1-8):
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:23 AM
Unfortunately you don't really have a say other than expressing your concerns that your daughter is prone to getting attached and you don't want her to be hurt. If he is agreeable maybe ask if maybe you guys could agree on a time frame that he's seeing someone (6months) before he introduces
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:19 AM

 

Quoting LifeCafe42:

Unfortunately you don't really have a say other than expressing your concerns that your daughter is prone to getting attached and you don't want her to be hurt. If he is agreeable maybe ask if maybe you guys could agree on a time frame that he's seeing someone (6months) before he introduces

 ^This.  I would hope that your ex would put the interests of his daughter before anything else.  I would also talk to him about hoping he would reconsider bringing a gf into the picture until he's with her for more than two months.  Relationships that long have a tendency to last.  Which, in turn, would be better for your daughter to handle and adust to moving forward.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:30 AM

 if this were a normal case, id tell you its none of your business who your kids dad is dating and introduces her to and a judge will tell you the same. but he is just coming back into her life and the vists are supervised.

i think though, that you should ask if you can meet her first. then let him bring her. if all he has is supervised visits, your kid isnt going to see any fighting, anything inappropriate. i dont see the big deal. does he ever bring his mom, any other family? not a huge difference, since your child is just getting to know all of those people anyways.tell him that you want him to spend one on one time with her too. its his short time with her, so just let him. your trying to tell him what to do is offputting and if all is civil now why change that?

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:32 AM

I like this idea.

Quoting LifeCafe42:

Unfortunately you don't really have a say other than expressing your concerns that your daughter is prone to getting attached and you don't want her to be hurt. If he is agreeable maybe ask if maybe you guys could agree on a time frame that he's seeing someone (6months) before he introduces


Stephd710
by Silver Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Talk to him about it first, you never know, he may be willing to work with you on a time frame.  This seems to be a common theme with men. I dont get it.  My ex husband and I split up in Oct 2010, we told his children when they came in Nov for Thanksgiving break that we were divorcing and he told them it was because he had cheated on me.  I found out that very day....he took them up to his work to meet the girl.  How sick is that?!?!  Tell your kids you cheated on your wife and then the same day, go and introduce them to her!!!  

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:35 AM

 ^that sucks -_- 

brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 3:27 PM

 The judge probably isn't going to care one way or the other.  How will you know if when you meet someone it turns out serious.? Let go off some of these type of battles.  It is all a part of life.

TiredMommy6906
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:47 AM

Thank you everyone for your advice! So far, he seems to be willing to talk through any conflicts we've had, so I think I'll ask him to wait until he's been dating her for a little longer. I like the 6 months idea.

As a quick reply to some one else, I'm not sure who: My daughter knows her father's family. I have helped her keep contact with them throughout this whole thing, as I do not blame them for what her father did. Yes, his family comes sometimes, but she already knows them.

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