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33 Hour Drive between Dad and Mom. What now?!?!

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:23 PM
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Ok ladies, any help/opinions/whateva will be greatly appreciated. So my son is now 4 months old and his father still wants nothing to do with him. Admittedly it would be incredibly difficult for us to split custody or whatever. We met while attending Universal Technical Institute in Pennsylvania. He's from Idaho and I'm from Virginia. I stayed at school until I was 36 weeks then moved back in with my Mom in Virginia. The father is, currently, still in Pennsylvania and its about an 8 hour drive, one way. He, however, finishes school in about 6 weeks and will be moving back Meridian, Idaho once he graduates. This is approximately a 33 hour drive and at least 6 hour flight away from his son. He was adopted and I don't believe he ever met his birth parents, but had a very close relationship with his adoptive father. I also had a very close relationship with my father. I am currently still single and not planning on changing that any time soon, though you never know I suppose. The father, however, has a girlfriend now. I'm not looking for a relationship with him, I just don't want my son to grow up without a father. Especially knowing how crucial my father was in my life. In addition, I have 3 months of school left before I can graduate and am planning to go back soon which will make getting together with his father even more difficult. I just don't know what to do or say to his father. I also have no clue what I'm supposed to tell my son when he asks. I don't want to lie to my son and say his father is dead or something but I also don't want to tell him that his father didn't want anything to do with him. We didn't date for very long and I didn't know I was pregnant until after we went our seperate ways. He doesn't pay child support or anything. He hasn't even talked to me since I left Pennsylvania, despite my efforts to include him. I send him messages after the baby's dr's appointments to let him know how things are going. I am just completely at a loss here and have no one around here to turn to. 

by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:23 PM
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Replies (1-7):
GoldenLinds
by Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:32 PM
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Honey just let him go. One day in the future you'll find a guyand that will be your child's father. You have years to go before you have to worry about it. If he hasn't done anything yet he's not going to. You had a great relationship with your dad and that's great but focus more on your child having a great relationship with you.
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mytrueloveS
by Lori on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:32 PM
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If the father doesn't want to be around, you can't force him.  Ask for child support, maybe that'll help the guy want to be involved.  If he doesn't want to be involved, just be honest with your son as he gets older.  

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 11, 2013 at 9:07 AM
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You can't force him to be a dad. Just because he made the child doesn't mean he's going to be a good father figure. I tell my son that his father loves him but can't be around so we have a special family just mommy and him. But he is so lucky because he has (list my friends and family). Don't lie what if someday he finds him it will be ugly.
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Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 9:15 AM
Agree!


Quoting GoldenLinds:

Honey just let him go. One day in the future you'll find a guyand that will be your child's father. You have years to go before you have to worry about it. If he hasn't done anything yet he's not going to. You had a great relationship with your dad and that's great but focus more on your child having a great relationship with you.

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easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 9:20 AM
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I agree with this.  Hugs!!

Quoting mytrueloveS:

If the father doesn't want to be around, you can't force him.  Ask for child support, maybe that'll help the guy want to be involved.  If he doesn't want to be involved, just be honest with your son as he gets older.  


victoriahearts
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:04 AM

If you have already made attempts to speak to him about your child and he still wants nothing to do with his it's time to have the legal route and let him go. He doesn't want to be part of his son life it's his loss for sure but it doesn't excuse him from having to pay child support. I would send him a message explaining that you understand he wants nothing to do with his son and you will accept that as much as it hurts you, but that you will be seeking child support because it's the right thing to do since both of you willing participate in the "situation". Make sure that you have you get all legal rights to your son and when the time comes to explain where his father is tell him the truth in the simplest way possible. Something along the lines of although he has a father that help you make him, his father is not part of his family , that his family is different but wonderful because it's unique, eventually he will be older and if he ask again try to explain it a little bit more in depth and try not to assign blame anywhere. Best of luck with your son and going back to school 

brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 4:05 PM

have a nice weekend.  All opinions/ideas given are great responses. 

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