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Ex won't move!

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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I was with my ex for 6 years on and off. During this  time he chated, left us because he got bored, among other reasons. I have set a standard for taking him back every single time. We have been broken up for going on 2 months now, and he calls and texts constantly. Telling me he will get his family back. He wont give up until he does. He will do whatever it takes. Now I have heard this all before, and I took him back believing him. But I have grown as a person over the last year, and have smartened up a bit. So no, this time I will not be taking him back. The amount of texts I get could be borderline harrassment. I have been advised to call the police. Now here is the problem, we have children together. I have no family where we currently live, the closest family I have is 2 hours away. SO in emergencies he is the only one I can call on to watch the kids or pick up the kids if I am working and connot leave. Not true emergencies obviously, but you get the point. Now I know I have shown him it is ok to do what he has done and I will take him back, so please dont knock me for that. But I need him to stop. I need him to move on. I will not take him back this time, I have learned that I do deserve better and so do my sons, whom I do not want learning his behavior. I ignore him as much as possible when he texts. but sometimes I get so mad because it is so much, I tell him to stop. But does anyone have any advice on what I should do in the best way possible with still being able to call on him when needed for the children only?? I just want to co-parent. nothing more. But he doesnt seem to want to give up.

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:34 AM
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The thing I learned with the ex is that if I kept asking him for help, especially if it was for my son, he believed I still wanted to be with him.  I had to find another way to do things without asking for his help.  I'm sure you can find something out.  Just keep it straight to the point when it comes to visitation, some men are just hard to deal with.  

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:45 PM
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I went through this too and I had to stop asking ex for any extra help with the kids, picking them up from school, taking them to sports, ect. I think he felt like everytime he did something with the kids that he was doing me a favor and in return I should do him a favor and take him back! That wasnt ganna happen so I stopped asking him

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:23 PM

Make your boundaries and stick to them. Tell him he's limited to say 2 or 3 texts or phone calls a day. Tell him you'll block his calls if he goes beyond that. You don't have to literally do what I'm suggesting, but a boundary you are comfortable with and you HAVE to follow through. He's pushing you around because he knows he can. I got to a point that I blocked my ex's emails, phone calls, etc. Or let him know if he goes beyond the boundary, you will file for harassment and by all means, you have to follow through. Telling someone we will do something is useless if we don't. As for the other issues, look on a babysitting website...just find someone else to take care of the kids when you're not able to. hugs. I know what it feels like to finally put your foot down. it's hard, but he won't stop unless you set some firm boundaries.

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:19 PM

have a nice weekend 

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:03 PM
Set up a boundary and stick to them good luck!
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 6:57 AM

Sounds like he is going to try to wear you down for awhile...given the history.

My ex was a serial cheater as well.  They don't stop.  You are doing the right thing; stay strong!!

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:16 AM
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Thank you all for the advice! The weekend wasnt much better. I ignored as much as I could and it did not help one bit. I spoke with him about boundaries, because he decided just to show up at my home unannounced. And it does not seem to be working still. He makes threats to hurt any other man I may be dating in the future, just all around trying to make me feel very guilty about not keeping our family together. I am standing my ground still, and my next step will be getting a restraining order with conditions that he is only allowed to call and be near me when it is about the children. Hopefully he will get the point once that is done! Thanks!!!

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:35 AM

i'm going through this same thing right now! My ex and I were together for 6 years, and we broke apart for the same reasons. He just didn't want to grow up and take on the responsibility soI left him, and now he realizes what he had and constantly begs me to come back and his family. All you can do i remain strong and don't give in, eventually he will give up. Don't do anything that will lead him on to believing that he still has a chance. I had to completely stop asking my BD for help because anytime I did, he would alter the conversation into how much he misses his family. Stand firm everytime he tries to turn the conversation from parenting to you taking him back and tell him No, i'm not having this conversation with you. If he wants to talk about your children then you are willing to do that, but any other subject you will hang up.

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