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lost, confused, and alone....

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:30 AM
  • 14 Replies
I am a relatively new young single mom, and I'm really starting to break down. My now, ex fiance and I were together for 4 years before we got pregnant. Our pregnancy was somewhat planned, but the timing was a bit off. However, we were still both excited, he was more excited initially. Unfortunately, around 5 months our lives took a turn for the worst. I lost my job and his pay wasn't enough to make ends me. So, needless to say we ended up losing everything in a very short time. We eventually ended up selling what we had left, furniture, electronics, etc and moved up north to stay with his mom. I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant when I was informed I may be a high risk pregnancy. I also wasn't able to recieve prenatal care there so I ended up having to come back to Florida to monitor the baby and I. We then made a plan that he would fly down a few days before my due date andat that time we would discuss what we were going to do. That never happened. As the date drew near he began to make excuses about why he couldn't make it. I was devastated, but not wanting to accept what everyone was saying, I just made excuses for his excuses. My daughter was born in November, so Christmas was just around the corner, he promised to AT LEAST be here for that, he wasn't. More excuses. My tolerance level exploded on NYE when I received a drunk text at 1am. He told me he was working so he wasn't doing anything to celebrate. I then asked him if he would want me to try and keep her up so he could call on his break around midnight to wish her a happy new year, he said I did. Well, once that call didnt come I brushed it off thinking he was just busy at work and forgot. Nope, he wasn't. Instead, he was out getting drunk and then TEXTED me happy new year an hour later. When I called him out about it he then told me that I wasn't his mother, so he didn't have to check in with me. At that moment, I decided I needed to be done, so I told him that I was changing her last name and filing for full custody. I didn't get a response. After a few days of no reply I broke down and started begging for forgiveness...still nothing. His mom said he was trying to "teach me a lesson" because he was angry at me for threatening to take her away from him. After hearing that I just got more upset because I finally started to realize how full of bs he really was. I mean what kind of logic is that? You're an adult and a father, so act like one. But now its been almost over 2 weeks and I still haven't heard from him. I am so heart broken and angry that I keep fighting with myself about whatthe right thing to do is. All I know is I want to give my daughter the best life possible, I just ddon't really know if that means I allow the possibility of him maybe showing up one day and being a father to her or if I should sever all ties now and she doesnt have to know him. All I kniw is I feel so pathetic, lost, confused, and alone. Help!!!
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:30 AM
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:24 AM
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Fight for full custody and demand child support.  Maybe that will make him grow up and start taking responsibility.  Stop the texts and informing him on what you're going to do, if a man wants to be with you, he'll do whatever he can to be there.  

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:07 AM
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oh yea, this dude needs to go! Move on, get a handle on your situation and screw him!

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:24 AM
1 mom liked this
That's so sad for you and your daughter. I agree that if he doesn't play any part in her life you probably need to at least start pursuing child support. Young fathers are often scared of the responsibility & don't make good daddies. Take care of your daughter & yourself.
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:07 PM
3 moms liked this

I agree dont tell him what you are doing just do it. Fight for all rights. You dont want your daughter being blown off by him when she gets older it will mess with her head. And, being alone is so hard, and sad at times... but its also good too. You can do what ever you want with your baby, and you will learn how to live and be happy. If you do nothing else though: Do Not text him anymore. If he really wants to talk and things he can talk to you through a lawyer. The longer you go with out talking to him, the better you will feel about your self. Just focus on your baby and whats good for you and her. :) good luck!

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Men (actually boys) sometimes do crazy things when faced with pregnancy. Regardless, he's the father and may change his mind, so leave the door open for the sake of your baby. IMO it's always best for them to know their fathers. Keep him informed of what's going on with the baby, but limit contact to that only. File for custody and support. He doesn't have to take the visits, but he does have to pay the support and he owes it no matter what. You can do this alone. It's not easy, but you are stronger than you know and you will be just fine.

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:17 PM
Thank you ladies! I now feel more confident in pursuing what I thought to be best! :)
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:30 PM

My heart is breaking for you reading your post. I cant imagine how hurt you must feel! I agree with everyone you need to take his ass to court and fight for sole custody of your daughter and child support. There is no excuse for his behavior at all.. Don't give him another chance to worm his way back into your lives when its convienent for him...he will just hurt both of you all over again. He's clearly not mature enough to be a reliable SO or father. I know it may not seem like it now but you will be okay. You have to be strong for yourself and your baby. Nothing is more important than that tiny little girl who needs nothing but you right now. It wont be easy...and there will probably be tons of tears but it will all be worth it in the end!! Stay strong!! Good luck with everything

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:56 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Her name change really has nothing to do with it, just go for child support and everything else will fall into place.

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:05 PM
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 This is so sad for both you and your daughter . First Im sorry  you are going through this . You  as a mother and  a mother of his child does not deserve to be treated this way . I think you need to move on and not play his games . I also  think that you need to  get full custody in writing and  get some type of child support . Im assuming he isnt paying . He is acting like a child and those days are over when he had a child . This get back at you is not only  immature its darn right rude . His daughter should be his number one and I can tell that isnt the case . We as mother couldnt do this to our child and I dont understand when  a parent does . It time you start  doing for you and your daughter and not focus on getting him to see his child and begging . You shouldnt have to ask it should be him the  one begging you to see her . Please dont settle for this . I wasted 10 years  settling and believe me  time goes to fast . Work on yourself for both you and your daughter and let him be a child on his own . Good luck and wish  you and your daughter the best outcome

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:20 PM
1 mom liked this

My two cents': Cry. Heal. Move on. Give her the best life possible. Vow to never use her/her last name/her visitation plan or access to her father, as a pawn again. Don't make excuses for him, but keep the door open for him to be a part of her life. Her relationship with her father should not be tied with how well things worked out for you two. 

You can do it! Promise. Lots of support here. You and your little one will be just fine. 

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