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just really sad.. i loved him.. i *love* him.. (vent)

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:56 AM
  • 11 Replies

i have a son. he's 4. my ex has helped me raise him for the past 2 years. our relationship has been rocky always.. we are up and down and he gets very mad at simple things i do or say and takes off. well now we have a baby. she's 10 days old today. we spent the last half of my prenancy broken up and fighting mostly. he kept saying he'd get custody/visitation.. and support her. so it seemed like he at least wanted to be involved in her life. i went into labor and called him and he ignored me like he always does and i didn't leave a message.. he texted the day after i had her (but he didn't know she was here yet) and said he was going back to africa (his home country) and he would support the baby if she was his... he's also been talking the entire time about setting up a paternity test on his own to make sure she is.. and thats fine. well i told him i had her - sent him pictures and suddenly he says shes not his. ive begged him everyday to come and meet her (today i put a stop to that) and have asked about having the state do a paternity test and child support. he told me he was going to get a restraining order against me and change his phone and his email so i could no longer contact him.. :( I don't know how we got here. just seems like everything he does everything he says is meant to bring pain to me and my son and its obvious he could care less about his daughter.. i know he knows shes his.. and even iif he does think i was messing around (which i wasn't) he knows theres a chance that shes his.. I just don't understand how he can jump countries without knowing and how he can just not even come to see her!! How does someone help me take good care of MY child who has no father and won't even come see his potential child??

i think its obvious that he wants nothing to do with any of us anymore. im torn as to whether i should file for child support(if he's leaving the country i think it's pointless...) or a paternity test.. i want him to know she's his. and i guess really i'm just hoping hell come around after knowing and we can be a family again which actually is very unlikely.. i'm nervous though that if he knows hell try to get visitation and i'm scared that if he does he'll kidnap her and take her to africa. im just scared of him really and what hell do.

and its terribly difficult to do a newborn and my son alone.. with no help..

 

i dont even know how we would raise her together. things with my son were either his way or a huge fight. we couldnt even begin to talk about a name for our daughter that we both liked and he won't tell me what he intends to do.. what kind of role he wants with her.. anything. nothing :( i guess wed be in court over every decision?!

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mytrueloveS
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Just leave it alone.  Don't fight for custody if he wants to see his daughter he will come around.  I don't know why women are so persistent, I know you want a father there for your daughter, but he doesn't want to be there, leave him.  His loss not yours.  As for taking care of your daughter, you'll find a way, there's lots of help that will make things a little easier for you.  File for child support, even if he's moving to another country, maybe he won't move at all.  

breebree04
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:17 PM

I would definately file for child support! He doesnt have to see his daughter or be a part of her life if he doesnt want to but he helped make her so he needs to help support her. The courts will determine paternity if he claims she isnt his.

Robsessed98
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:26 PM

Don't contact him again or ask him to see the baby. You can't force him to be a dad, but as the father he owes support for both of the children. File for custody and support and get it place in case he doesn't leave the country. You need to talk to an attorney about collecting support from another country. You can do this alone. It will take a bit to get your routine down, but it will come and you will do just fine.

Cenedra64
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:33 PM
Im gonna give you some advice ive recently had to do myself: put your heart on the shelf start thinking with your head and not your heart.
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RyderMomma09
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:41 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm terribly sorry you're  going through this....Everyone is right just leave him alone. You cant force someone to be in your life that doesnt want to be. Go through the court and do everything you can to try and get child support. There's lots of resources for single mothers and almost every where offers some sort of free legal advice as to what procedures you need to take. You have to put your own feelings aside and do whats best for your son and daughter!! I hope things work out for you!!

brieri
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:43 PM

 Get child support for the child.  Concerned about visitation, that will be very strict, for he cannot leave the country.  Contact an attorney for all the issues.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:53 PM

Just worry about getting that cs from this loser.  Forget about him otherwise.  He's proven to be a disgrace.  The courts are there for a reason - to help us.  Get with an atty and get that cs going.  Don't worry about visitation.  If he wants to visit his kid he will.  Something tells me he's full of BS.  Your child deserves to be raised WITH the help of his father - either in his life or not. 

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:10 AM
I would just drop it all and file for child support. you can't make almonds want to be a father.
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MamaT710
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:54 AM

So sorry you are having to go through this.  It is not easy, I know.   I finally filed for child support which I suggest you do, even if he says he is going to hop country, do it NOW.  My sons father also said he was going to move although not out of country but half way across the USA, he has not done so and is still in the area.  He also said how much he was going to do regarding getting a place for him and my son, etc.., that too never happened.  Just because you file for child support does not grant him visitation, my sons father has dual citizenship to USA and Germany where he was born, I have felt the fear of my kid being took across also.  However this year I am filing for custody and letting him make the call on how he wants to do visitation.  Good Luck!!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:21 AM
Hugs mama I'm so sorry. Put your energy into your babies and file!

Quoting breebree04:

I would definately file for child support! He doesnt have to see his daughter or be a part of her life if he doesnt want to but he helped make her so he needs to help support her. The courts will determine paternity if he claims she isnt his.

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