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Does he have a right to know?

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:41 AM
  • 11 Replies
My lo will be 4 months old soon, and I just received my papers in the mail for child support. His father and I were together up until about a month ago. Regardless of us being together he never helped me do a single thing with our son. He never showed any single sign of interest in him whatsoever. He has two other children, with two other women. Both of which have residential custody and receive child support. The oldest child's miter wants full custody, he is in and out if that's child's life constantly. Dont make negative comments and call me irresponsible for having a child with someone with that reputation, I never even knew about these children until after finding out I was pregnant AND my gyno told me I couldn't get pregnant... Anyways, he's completely irresponsible, doesn't have a house, living on someone's couch, no job, went to jail for writing bad checks, no vehicle etc etc... I realize the very low possibility of getting full custody of my son. I exclusively breastfeed, so I know I won't have to let his father take him for visitation until that is over. My questions are, after I am done breastfeeding how soon do I have to let his father take him? I would like to wait at least until he can talk since hi father is so irresponsible. Also, would there be anything that would help me get full custody? I don't min letting his father see him, on my call. I want him to be in lo's life, but not just when it benefits him. I wouldn't even mind doing supervised visitation, but I don't know if they do that unless substance abuse or something was involved... I've heard of flexible visitation, where the residential parent controls what goes on? Also, I haven't told his father that I'm sending in child support papers to start custody battle... Dies he deserve to know? So confused right now...
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
victoriahearts
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:18 AM

I want to be able to understand this, he pays child support for his other two  children but he doesn't have a  job? How is that possible? Also you said you are sending his paperwork , where are you sending it if he has no place to live? I'm just curious because if he has no job and he is homeless you can request that the visitation take place in your home due to the fact he is homeless they also wont make you do overnights if he homeless unless he can prove their is a stable place he can take him. As for full custody without proof of abuse is very hard unless he signs away his rights which is something you will have to talk to him about if you think he will. As for does he deserve to know that is up to you what type of relationship you want to have with the father. If you think telling him/giving him a heads up will make your parenting relationship with him easier yes, if you think he will be a complete jerk about it then no.

connorsmum10-3
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:29 AM
I'm just filling out the paperwork for child support to get the custody issue started, they told me that's how it has to happen. It will go back to the department of job and family services. He's currently staying at a friends, and hasn't payed his child support since quitting the job he had. So, right now he owes back child support. I'm assuming that's how that works. I want to have a cooperative relationship with him, for our son but I know he will be an ass when he finds out I filed. I wish there were a way to get custody without filing child support first. If that were an option, I'm sure he'd sign off on his rights right away...
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sid1083
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:48 PM

Just because you're breastfeeding doesn't mean he won't be allowed a couple hours of visitation. It's a cop-out.

If you feel though your alerting him you're filing for custody & cs, don't say anything, just let the process server do their job. After two dances, he should really expect it to come. 

Robsessed98
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:53 PM

Does he deserve to know what? That you're filing for support? I wouldn't tell him, just let him get served. Depending on what proof you have as to what kind of man/father he is, it is possible you could supervised visits, but that's up to the judge.

connorsmum10-3
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 5:12 PM
Since I am breastfeeding, I know his father will still have visitation rights. But they won't make me allow his father to take him for visitation will they? I mean, won't his visits need to be in my home?
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RyderMomma09
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this

If he has no interest in your son I wouldnt be too worried about him wanting any sort of visitation or custody of him. He sounds like a loser and with his past Im sure a judge will say the same thing. File your papers and just go from there.. You dont have to tell him anything. good luck

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 1:05 PM

Here's a bump for you so other moms can offer some advice.  Good luck!

Emiliush
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:08 AM

naw.. just have the papers come in surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is what he deserves..

Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:14 AM

 From my understanding, the father generally can still have visits on his own for a few hours at a time.  It depends though, on his living situation and whether or not he is on drugs, etc.

If you don't want to take that chance, then you shouldn't be filing for child support.  I personally feel that if he is paying to support his child, he is more than entitled to a chance at visitation (on his own) and the opportunity to bond with that child, even if he does have a track record of not caring about his other kids. 

Quoting connorsmum10-3:

Since I am breastfeeding, I know his father will still have visitation rights. But they won't make me allow his father to take him for visitation will they? I mean, won't his visits need to be in my home?


 

owl0210
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:33 AM

 The courts don't care about breastfeeding anymore. They will tell you to pump and can award over night visitation.

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