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How am I going to do this?!

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:39 PM
  • 5 Replies

Hello all my name is Erika im 29 and 9 weeks preggo! So this is my back story if you can relate please share. I was with my bd for 3 years living together for 2 1/2 of those years. I was there for him through a lot of major disappointments first one his bm slept with his step dad and took his son 6 states away. The next thing that happened was he got a federal charge and lost his license and job. Now granted I should ran at the sight of these red flags but Im not a quitter and believe in the greater good. He is educated with a bachelors and very healthy doesnt drink or do drugs so these overshadowed the rest. Around a year ago after everything he began having tantrums and became physical with me which I later found out was helped with the steroid use. We had about 3 altercations before I decided I needed to get out of this relationship or there wouldnt be any ME left. About 6 months ago I started looking for a place and found one he then comes to me changed and had been going to conseling. Told me he loved me and wanted to be together forever even went so far to get my name tattoed on his chest. I fell for it and came back we had a great make up period and things were going somewhat smooth. I was working two jobs at this point to take care of both of us because he is broke kinda regretting coming back. Basically he wasnt progressing with any kind of job hunting all he would do was watch you tube all day.Sorry to get off track so then I found out I was pregnant. I informed him and immediately am met with malicious words and disgust. He tells me to get an abortion because if I have the baby I will ruin his life.Also he wants me to die and im a bitch. After that he says he wants to sign over his parental rights and he isnt helping with my baby because it wont be as great as his son now and im not as good as his first bm. So today shit hit the fan and Im on a journey alone. We had our last altercation he struck me in my face and threw pancake mix all over me because i informed his mother of my preganancy! I called the police they didnt help because when he hit me I scratched the hell out of his face. They told me since we both had marks on our face we either both go to jail or no one goes. He then calls his mother to get him and says im crazy and a bully. he is 6'1'' 250 lbs of muscle the fact she believes him is insane. But she made him move out today and im all alone and safe but depressed. How did I let this happen? How do women do this on there own i dont know where to start? O to top everything off i really have no family help my mother reminds me on a regular basis how she will not be doing much for my baby and i need to consider abortion. So yes where to go from here...

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:39 PM
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by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:38 AM

 Oh hunny I've been there and in the end even though it doesnt feel like it now him leaving is the best thing... NO woman deserves to be hit specially if your pregnant... Do you have insurnace? If not I suggest getting asstance with that. Also I suggest seeking someone to talk to such as a close friend if not i suggest journaling to get the stress out cause its not good for the baby.

by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 12:06 PM


by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:50 PM

Hi, Erika and welcome to the group.  I can relate to your story.  However, my ex never hit me.  He was verbally and emotionally abusive.  I was in what is called a co-dependent relationship.  My ex showed a lot of red flags when I first met him.  He was married before.  Had a child and according him - his ex left him for another man.  Only thing is, my ex could have looked up his child and maintained a relationship with her.  He decided not to.  He also had money problems that went on throughout the years we were married.  Today, we share a daughter (18).  My ex had an affair and fathered two kids in the process.  Embezzled money from me and made me pay for a new car since the one he bought my daughter was repoed.  He also snuck furniture from our house while having this disgusting affair.  I was with my ex for 26 years.  Lived a life of financial misery the entire time.  My ex also suffers from bi-polar disorder and is a sociopath. My ex was also into porn - this I found out after we were divorced.  When we are in a relationship with someone that has severe mental problems its hard for us to simply walk away.  I was just like you - believing in the greater good and standing by my man.  No one knew the secret side to our marriage.  I kept it all in.  I swallowed my pride and accepted the life I had with my ex.  The worst thing and best thing to happen to me was the mistress.  She took my ex out of my life and at the same time did something so cruel at the same time.  Without her coming into my life I would still be dealing with a financial deadbeat and mental abuser. 

Your stbx is a bully. You should stay far away from him or he will truly end up physically hurting you to the point that you won't recover.  He needs mental help.  You need to get an atty to represent you.  Have him get cs set up just as soon as the baby is born.  I wouldn't worry about visitation rights as your stbx has already proven himself unfit to be around your child.  Your mother's comments breaks my heart.  I would hope once the baby arrives she will accept her grandchild and help you out.  Are you able to get assistance from another family member? 

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:28 PM

hi and welcome... you stay strong and listen....a. he would hit you again. stay away! b. he must pay support.get an atty or look up your states law.c. he is not fit as a parent and they will terminate his rights but let them handle that as they see fit so you can get cs in the mean time.d. you almost surely qualify for medicaid now under mothers and infants.and you are workin 2 jobs to support his crazy youknowwhat. no. girl i dont know why, or how we get into these messes but its too late for an abortion under most states laws anyway soooo....if you did all that for loving that fool just think what you can do for your baby. its worth every bit of sacrifice. its hard but...and just so you know he will probably call tommorrow or even tonight. so think what you want the baby to know that it was more important? or he was....good luck and you can do this on your own if you want. stop looking at the past and the way it should have been. so that you can teach a little baby the way it should be.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Thank you guys for the words of wisdom to give me strength. Even though you all are strangers you are there for me it truly touches my heart. Update on the situation my best friend is over my house now and helped me pack all of my things. He came back to get all of his stuff but a pair of shoes, shirt, and pants. I know he will be back so tomorrow I will stay at my fathers while he is away and be that prego friend on the couch until i move. I am definetly not going back even though I hate to say I still love him. I dont want to bring a child into the world around that so they can learn such vile behavior. Also I looked into cs and will be following through with that ooooo....and my neighbor has twin 2 years olds so she was getting rid of her crib! Im starting to feel alittle optimistic and staying focused on whats important baby and me!

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