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was this wrong?

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:26 AM
  • 7 Replies

a little backstory

my daughter is 3 1/2 and her sd didnt meet her until she was over 1 1/2. well he basically still has nothing to do with her. he crashed her party (dunno how he knew) well anyways i refused to let her go to any more holidays (his mom wants more to do with her than him) with his mom and family bc he thinks he can bring random girls around to play house with. anyways i went to the town they live in to take my dd to my cousins and let his mom know so they could give her her gift. but i refused to go to their house bc he would be there and my daughter doesnt need to be around him. (i know harsh sounding) well....

she asked me why i wouldnt let them just take her for a few hours or go to their house and i told them bc their son was a deadbeat and she didnt need to be around someone who couldnt be consistent in her life (she never even asks for him just his parents)


hes always telling them i keep her from them. is it wrong to have his parents involved yet tell them their son cant be around her until he can basically grow up?

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:26 AM
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Replies (1-7):
steviechick
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Well, I'm divorced from my cheating, deadbeat ex.  I still get along with my ex-IL's.  In fact, they stand behind me and my DD and the angst we feel and they feel about what my ex did to break-up our marriage and family.  My ex hid his affair from the entire family until it was convenient for him to come out and tell everyone of his disgusting deeds.  He even fathered two kids in the process.  How's that to shock the entire family?  My ex is a deadbeat and has been throughout our entire marriage.  The money problems were endless.  My ex-IL's won't even talk to my ex.  They are that disgusted with him and the life he leads.  He's been nasty to everyone ever since he stopped lying and hiding his affair.  My ex gets into a rage if he thinks he's being treated poorly.  Case in point - my DD forgot his b-day and he went off on her in a fit a rage over the phone.  Since then I have blocked him from communicating with her.  Until he starts acting like a father, he can resume his relationship with her.  He's also stopped paying me and my DD cs.  He's making it really hard on himself to be able to reach out AND be a father.  And, since he refuses to BE a father, he's being cut-off.  My ex-IL's back me up on my decision.  In fact, my ex-FIL has told me if my ex doesn't pay up his cs he is okay with him going to jail. 

Keep standing up for your DD.  When her father decides to BE a father to her then he has every right to be in her life.  Until then, your interests in your child should stand. 

 

breebree04
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:36 AM

I dont think so. Its good that you let his parents be involved in your dd life since they seem to be consistent and good grandparents but they should understand and respect that your dd's dad cant come and go out of her life as he pleases. She need stability and thats not fair to do that to her.

LauraMH
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:42 AM

Yes, I do think you were wrong. I know as a mother it is our natural instinct to protect our children but it sounds like he is trying to be in her life now and you are making it impossible for him. I don't mean to sound harsh and I apologize if it is coming off that way.

I wanted my kids to have nothing to do with their father (I will not get into the reasons right now) but I have learned that it is not right. He is their father and I cannot control what he does when he has them in his care. I think a few hours at his parents house with them present sounds very reasonable. Start small and then allow more after he builds a relationship with your DD.

victoriahearts
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:48 AM

I think you have every right to want to keep her father away from her if he isn't going to step up and be a good father to her just make sure if you have a custody arrangement in place you aren't violating it because it can be  a huge issue if he ever got around to taking you to court.  But it is wonderful to see that his parents want to be involved with there grandchild so maybe just explain to them in a nice way that although you are happy they are in there lives you rather not expose your child to anything that may harm her well being ( ie her father being in and out of her life) and as long as they could respect that you would concern making a once a month visit so they can have access to some time with her while in your supervision of course. Eventually as she gets older and can talk, maybe you can let her grandparents have her for an hour or two as long as they understood there son could not be present during this time. I say try to find a way to work it out with the grandparents because they do seem to care for your child and want to be there for her. 

justahousewife
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:51 AM
As much as I dislike my ex I like his family. They're all decent people and add to dds life. As long as he's not putting her in a dangerous situation I don't think lack of morals is a good enough reason to keep him out of her life.

Someone told me once, just because he doesn't act like the parent I want him to be he's still a parent. Ofcourse parenting was too much work so now he's nonexistent. Lol But it did make sense at the time.
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m2b8609
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:43 PM

he honestly DOES NOT want anything to do with dd. He never calls never asks to see her nothing (except when he is trying to show off to a girl) 

He even admitted he doesnt know her bday even tho his family does. He even told his gf his child was dead. he never even told his family he had a kid until she was one but still chose not to come meet her bc his gfs are more important. he really doesnt want anything to do with her just his family does

m2b8609
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:45 PM

yes i understand. he thinks taking care of his kid is hard granted shes three but she even told him once (I dont like you your never visit me) 


Quoting justahousewife:

As much as I dislike my ex I like his family. They're all decent people and add to dds life. As long as he's not putting her in a dangerous situation I don't think lack of morals is a good enough reason to keep him out of her life.

Someone told me once, just because he doesn't act like the parent I want him to be he's still a parent. Ofcourse parenting was too much work so now he's nonexistent. Lol But it did make sense at the time.



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