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Not sure what to do!

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:32 AM
  • 12 Replies

My boyfriend of almost 2 years came to me last night and asked me "When we get married do you think I could get partial custody of Jiovonni? I want him to have the same last name as us and since his sperm doner left I'd love for him to call me daddy." Now my ex JUST left my sons life barely a month ago, I have full custody and everything. My boyfriend absolutely LOVES my son and my son loves him. He has been with me since before Jiovonni was even born. I'd love for my son to have the family he deserves since his father dropped him like he was nothing. But I'm not sure what to say to my man. He's pretty much raised Jiovonni with me since birth, and I want to say yes but I don't want to give him an answer if I don't know yet. Help! 

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:33 AM

I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation but here's a bump so hopefully other moms in here can help!!

breebree04
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:41 AM

If your not sure yet then I would wait and see what happens. your ds's dad hasnt been gone long, what if he decides to come back and be apart of ds's life? As far as ds calling your bf dad, in my experience if your ds doesnt have his dad around and bf is there and part of his life, he will more than likely automatically call bf dad unless you put a stop to it.

victoriahearts
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Be honest with him, tell him that you have a wonderful relationship right now and that you are thankful in every way all the love and support he gives you and your son but that at the moment you are trying to cope with the situation that happen and with getting full custody of your son. And that maybe a good time to speak about it is when you are engaged and ready to get married or even after you have married. But I would also take the time to think about this because from me looking, this is a man that has been with you two years, help you raised your son and wants to marry , why don't you feel ok giving him an answer now? It seem like the answer is obvious from the outside but only you know what is holding you back so be honest with him and yourself. 

Mommyandme878
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:46 AM

 Thank you so much for your support. I think my decision is final. I will probably say yes but I want to make sure ds's father is not coming back for sure before I give an answer. I would be more than happy to have my son call him dad and grow up with a happy family like he deserves but I feel if I say yes and my ex (ds's father) finds out he might throw a huge fit and want to be back in our sons life just to make my life hell.


Quoting victoriahearts:

Be honest with him, tell him that you have a wonderful relationship right now and that you are thankful in every way all the love and support he gives you and your son but that at the moment you are trying to cope with the situation that happen and with getting full custody of your son. And that maybe a good time to speak about it is when you are engaged and ready to get married or even after you have married. But I would also take the time to think about this because from me looking, this is a man that has been with you two years, help you raised your son and wants to marry , why don't you feel ok giving him an answer now? It seem like the answer is obvious from the outside but only you know what is holding you back so be honest with him and yourself. 


 

victoriahearts
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Then tell your boyfriend everything you just say to me, honest especially in a serious relationship is always the best decision, and I'm pretty sure he will understand and agree with you.


Quoting Mommyandme878:

 Thank you so much for your support. I think my decision is final. I will probably say yes but I want to make sure ds's father is not coming back for sure before I give an answer. I would be more than happy to have my son call him dad and grow up with a happy family like he deserves but I feel if I say yes and my ex (ds's father) finds out he might throw a huge fit and want to be back in our sons life just to make my life hell.


Quoting victoriahearts:

Be honest with him, tell him that you have a wonderful relationship right now and that you are thankful in every way all the love and support he gives you and your son but that at the moment you are trying to cope with the situation that happen and with getting full custody of your son. And that maybe a good time to speak about it is when you are engaged and ready to get married or even after you have married. But I would also take the time to think about this because from me looking, this is a man that has been with you two years, help you raised your son and wants to marry , why don't you feel ok giving him an answer now? It seem like the answer is obvious from the outside but only you know what is holding you back so be honest with him and yourself. 





brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:14 PM

 You could say something like "You want to adopt my child?"  There's plenty to check on that then if he says yes.  He might change his mind.

Robsessed98
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not sure what he's asking. He can't get legally get any kind of custody unless the father's rights are terminated and bf adopts him. You also need the father's permission to change his last name legally. If y'all are getting married, it'd be great for him to accept the father role, but I personally disagree with him being called 'daddy' unless it's iron clad that the father will never be in his life again and even then I think the child should know he's not the biological father, but that's just my opinion. Your son would still have the whole family experience he deserves with a step-father and different last name.

otoole
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:37 PM

i don't know what to tell you, i guess just talk it over, every detail. something like that is major.

LOLOSMOMMY11
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:03 PM
I think its a wonderful thing he wants to do....my sons father is not in the picture at all me in your situation would say yes....if I were married of course....
Emiliush
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:41 PM

I would say yes... but do what best for your son. do you want your son to have same last name as his father\ your ex???? or you want him to have same last name as the NEW FAMILY.... ? [it will also be easier with knowing his your son, cuz same last name....]

but i cant tell you what to do.. that's just my thoughts. and im also thinking [IFFFFFFF I EVER GET MARRIED] I would love my son to have same last name and all...

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