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angry at child because of his Father!

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:12 PM
  • 19 Replies

Hi my name is nicole and I am a single mother. I have 2 children an 8 year old boy Deven and an almost 2 year old daughter. I have a wonderful relationship with my daughters father but the same cant be said about my sons. I feel like I am disconnected from my son because I HATE his father. When I got pregnant it was a total SURPRISE. I was not ready for children and I for sure didnt want to have kids with this man. He was just supposed to be a fun time... well as it tuned out I would be stuck with him in my life forever. He never really tried very hard to be a part of Devens life but was in and out. Hes an alcoholic and when we were together we would fight daily. It got to the point that everyday I would tell him I Fu**ing hate you! he was mentally abusive and threw a coffee table at me once. That was the end of things. I made him move out, but ever since then it feels like my relationship with my son has always been a challenge. I LOVE him with all my heart but a lot of times I dont like him. He looks and acts just like his dad and I am not sure how to get past this. Now his father and I have been seperated for 7 years and I still feel this way. I need help on ways that I can feel the same love for my son as I do for my daughter. I want so bad to hug him and feel that warm fuzzy feeling that I do when I hug my daughter. Maybe its because my son and I are very alike in that we are stubborn, bullheads, we yell and argue.. (we are Italian Lol) we do a lot sit and have civil conversations and hes a great kid. Smart, most times honest and polite gets good grades and so on  but I just dont feel the same connection. Anyone have any idea what I am talking about?

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AO-88
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:29 PM
2 moms liked this
Get counseling and get over it. Fun time or not you chose to sleep with that person and who he was and yOu got Pregnant. That's your kid he can't help his genes or father. It's not his fault. I know you love him but you should seek counseling so you can like him too. Good luck. This wasn't meant to bash, just tough love.
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tyfry7496
by Janet on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Couldn't have said it better

Quoting AO-88:

Get counseling and get over it. Fun time or not you chose to sleep with that person and who he was and yOu got Pregnant. That's your kid he can't help his genes or father. It's not his fault. I know you love him but you should seek counseling so you can like him too. Good luck. This wasn't meant to bash, just tough love.
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abusednotbroken
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:19 PM
4 moms liked this

I know what you mean. My ex was abusive to me--extremely. My daughter (almost 6) both looks and behaves like him at times. I just have to remember that she is an innocent person in all of this. If I treat her as I feel toward her dad, what kind of person would I create? I talk to her and let her know what I'm thinking and feeling (within reason) and apologize to her when I've snapped at her. This too is hard, because at times, she's just being a kid and testing boundaries and I have to keep that in mind. To put it short, yeah, it's not easy. Just try to see him for him and not for who his dad is.  In some way, the two of you need to bond--perhaps in a way that is special to the two of you that doesn't remind you of the dad.

nicmotivatedmom
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:25 PM

I realize that I laid down with my sons father and I have taken the responcibility. I am not looking for criticizim.. I was hoping that someone out there may understand the way that I am feeling and perhaps my have some useful advise as to how to bond better with my child. I dont take it out on him, but I do find it easier to get mad at him. I KNOW its not his fault and I know that this is my personal problem.. and I have been in counseling but again I am always looking to try new things to connect better with my son. So my hope was that someone would have something useful to say.. Not trying to be harsh.. just honest.

Robsessed98
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Exactly.

Quoting AO-88:

Get counseling and get over it. Fun time or not you chose to sleep with that person and who he was and yOu got Pregnant. That's your kid he can't help his genes or father. It's not his fault. I know you love him but you should seek counseling so you can like him too. Good luck. This wasn't meant to bash, just tough love.


nicmotivatedmom
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:29 PM

also if it was just so easy to "get over it" I am sure that I would have done it by now. Since it has been over 8 yrs!

victoriangavin
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this
No matter what you are gonna see your ex in your son. There has to be a good quality in your ex that made you stay with him, so when your son acts like his father think about something good about his dad... This is what I have to do when my son acts like his father and this system has been wonderful for me


Quoting nicmotivatedmom:

I realize that I laid down with my sons father and I have taken the responcibility. I am not looking for criticizim.. I was hoping that someone out there may understand the way that I am feeling and perhaps my have some useful advise as to how to bond better with my child. I dont take it out on him, but I do find it easier to get mad at him. I KNOW its not his fault and I know that this is my personal problem.. and I have been in counseling but again I am always looking to try new things to connect better with my son. So my hope was that someone would have something useful to say.. Not trying to be harsh.. just honest.


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victoriahearts
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:40 PM

I think the best advice is to see someone , a professional, I think you are feelings for your ex are definitely clouding your judgement in regards to your son. You may need to talk out your issues regarding your ex in order to move forward with a better relationship with your son.

nicmotivatedmom
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 4:57 PM

Thank you I have never tried to do that before. I really apprecaite it I will for sure give that a try.


Quoting victoriangavin:

No matter what you are gonna see your ex in your son. There has to be a good quality in your ex that made you stay with him, so when your son acts like his father think about something good about his dad... This is what I have to do when my son acts like his father and this system has been wonderful for me


Quoting nicmotivatedmom:

I realize that I laid down with my sons father and I have taken the responcibility. I am not looking for criticizim.. I was hoping that someone out there may understand the way that I am feeling and perhaps my have some useful advise as to how to bond better with my child. I dont take it out on him, but I do find it easier to get mad at him. I KNOW its not his fault and I know that this is my personal problem.. and I have been in counseling but again I am always looking to try new things to connect better with my son. So my hope was that someone would have something useful to say.. Not trying to be harsh.. just honest.




victoriangavin
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Your welcome :-) I hope it works for you too


Quoting nicmotivatedmom:

Thank you I have never tried to do that before. I really apprecaite it I will for sure give that a try.



Quoting victoriangavin:

No matter what you are gonna see your ex in your son. There has to be a good quality in your ex that made you stay with him, so when your son acts like his father think about something good about his dad... This is what I have to do when my son acts like his father and this system has been wonderful for me





Quoting nicmotivatedmom:

I realize that I laid down with my sons father and I have taken the responcibility. I am not looking for criticizim.. I was hoping that someone out there may understand the way that I am feeling and perhaps my have some useful advise as to how to bond better with my child. I dont take it out on him, but I do find it easier to get mad at him. I KNOW its not his fault and I know that this is my personal problem.. and I have been in counseling but again I am always looking to try new things to connect better with my son. So my hope was that someone would have something useful to say.. Not trying to be harsh.. just honest.







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