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Advice Needed Urgently!!!! Please....

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I'm new to the site and group and in desperate need of advice. Let me give you some background.

My ex husband and I are admist a custody (modification) battle. I am the custodial parent of our two sons. During our marriage I was the primary parent along with being the "bread winner". He has had his ups and downs with jobs, drugs, etc. I've remained supportive throughout our marriage and continued after our divorce. We have been divorced for 4 years now and he has never felt the need to be a father figure to our two sons until a year ago, which is more so done to "save face". His friends and hobbies have always been his main priority over spending time with his kids. 

Now the change from dead beat dad to father of the year to our children suddenly and coincidentally came around the same time a new man entered our lives. This man is the first and only man I have introduced to my children since the divorce. He is the man I have always hoped to have as a father figure for my kids. My kids immediately showed the same enthusiasm for him. Which in turn reflected on their weekend visits with their father. Slowly but surely my ex husband took notice and did not like that "his" kids were looking up to "moms new boyfriend" as a father figure. My ex husband has done his utmost best to manipulate, control, and degrade me and my fiance to the best of his capabilities to our kids.

When we exchange the kids for the weekend I am constantly reminded that I live off his "child support" payments. He has threatened to quit his job so I won't get any child support. That because I have no job I am a "p.o.s" and will be taken to court. He's recently started brainwashing our sons with video games, toys and etc in return to feed them his own personal opinions of me and my fiance. My kids attitudes towards me and my fiance have drastically changed, raising yet more obstacles. My ex bought our older son a phone recently with the intention to talk to him during the week, which now is being used as a tool to keep tabs on what is happening at my house throughout the week.

This is not even close to all of what he has done and continues to do but it gives you an idea.

My concern is about our upcoming court date. He has filed for custody modification in order to stop (what he likes to call "supporting me") paying child support and becoming the custodial parent to do so. Basically giving me the weekends and him the weekdays. This man has not one genuine concern about the well being of his children, everything is done to benefit him and make him look like the trophy dad he thinks he is. I have no financial means to get a lawyer and have had no luck in finding any free legal aid here in Arizona. His reasons in his petition for me being an unfit mother is because I have no job and no car. Nothing else. He has in the past year been charged with a DUI and has a breathalyzer installed in his car. And in the next month he will be getting laid off...

I'm so afraid of losing my boys to this a**hole. I don't know what to do, I have never felt so hopeless... Please please please... I need all the advice and help I can get.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:28 AM
Replies (11-15):
jgomez80
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:52 AM

Thank you to everyone who took the time to share their kind words of support. My court date is in mid March. I've done what I can looking things up online that may help aid me in my case against him. It's come to the point of not even knowing what to search. I've spoken to many different sources and each gives me conflicting information. I feel like I've hit a brick wall. I'll continue documenting all of the occurrences I deal with at hand and pray I land on more alternative sources to help me.

Again, I thank each and every one of you for your kind words. Times like these can only make one feel like the only one in the world going through it, it's nice to know otherwise. I will get through this! 


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Welcome! Judges aren't stupid if anything he may get more days. My friend is going through a similar thing with her ex. He has done a lot of horrible things to her and her bf video interrogates the kids when they go back to his house to try and get something against them. The police and judge are over his crazy and follow through like they are supposed to but nothing ever comes out in his favor. Keep being a great mom!
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mygirls2012
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:26 PM

haha did we marry the same man??  haha mine thinks that too. 

mygirls2012
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:34 PM

He will need alot of proof to prove your unfit, and you are working your raising your kids.. that alone is a full time job. My ex says that all the time that he is supporting me and my bf.. yeah right takes double what you pay to pay the bills, i have girls 14 and 9 and the teenager is always wanting something, but she is really good to help work for the money to buy what she wants. I divorced in CT but in that state we were appointed a lawyer for the girls (we never used him because ex didnt want custody) I live 12 hours away now and he hasnt even come to see the girls its been almost 5 months and we are supposed to meet monthly half way. But for him to just go into court and say your unfit i dont see any judge to just take his word for it. Dont get too worked up but i also agree if he does file (that also costs money) i would go and ask for legal aide at the courthouse and also ask for a later date so that you can get some help from legal aide.. hang in there and good luck.. I really dont think that the judge is really going to let a man who cant learn to not drive while drinking is in the best interest of your children..

mygirls2012
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:39 PM

also document everything he says and does, it may help when your in court and he says something negative and you can come back with why you said what you may have said, I send ex an email so that i have written proof of what isgoing on, like I sent him a text stating that he needs to notify me in writting by the 17th of each month if visitation is going to take place the following month, this way he can not say I never said that and that he never agreed to it. He has yet to contact me.. he refuses to talk to me he feels its necessary to go thru my 14 year old.. how grown up is that...

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