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Don't Call My Child "Spoiled Rotten" *Vent* (Kinda Long) (Updated)

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So the guy I'm kinda dating has told me that my son is "spoiled rotten" a few times. He has a little girl who is about a year younger than my son. I almost feel like he compares our kids and that's how he's coming to that conclusion. But the truth of the matter is that their situations are NOTHING alike. In fact, her situation is tons better in my opinion. I'll give a couple examples of when he's said it and my argument against it.

 
A few weeks ago, I was at his house and he pointed to his daughter's toys and says "You see how many toys she has? Zion is spoiled rotten. He has too many toys." His daughter has two homes to go to... my son has one. She has four grandparents and one step-grandmother to visit... he has one. There's no telling how many toys she really has. And, besides that, about 90% of the toys that Zion has were given to me for him to have. I have no money for toys. I barely have money for new clothes (I would say about 80-85% of his clothes were given).
 
Last night was the last time he said it. Zion is very difficult to get to sleep and has been for most of his life. For about a week or so, it's been a bit extreme (I may post about that later for some advice). I called him after Zion fell sleep and he says "So are you holding Zion?" (by the way, I can't remember the last time I held Zion at bedtime). I said "No... he's been crazy at bedtime lately". I was about to explain to him what's been going on but before I could finish my statement, he says "Zion is spoiled rotten! Just put him in bed and let him cry!". This is when I got upset. I said "You keep saying that I spoil him and you don't even know what the hell I do with him!"... then he hung up on me (I assume for raising my voice). He's never witnessed me put my son to bed. At bedtime, I take him to his room, we pray, I give him a hug and a kiss, say goodnight and lay him down. Zion gets out of bed numerous time before falling asleep. Each time, I put him back in bed, say goodnight and walk out. 
 
I find it extremely offensive to tell someone that they're child is spoiled especially when you've hardly had a chance to see them interact with their child. I am truly trying my best for Zion. I am a single mom with no help from his father. I just moved to a new state and have no family or friends around to help out. And I don't make much money. This week, I had to deny my child something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich a few times because I didn't have enough money to buy cheese until I got paid. And somehow, you think that I spoil him??

I texted him and let him know that I found it offensive. He apparently thinks that I "took it the wrong way and ran with it".  Am I wrong for feeling offended by that?
 
Update: We're done. *sigh of relief* He texted me this morning and said "I think it's best we don't talk anymore. You're a great person and I don't feel I truly make you happy and I don't want to hold you back from finding someone who will."
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:38 PM
Replies (21-30):
lf1975
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:03 AM
I think your completely justified in the way you feel. If he cared about you he would offer suggestions and listen rather than calling your son a spoiled brat . To me that's disrespectful. If someone called my kids that I would be offended
naturALYme
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:22 PM

I feel the same way about calling a child spoiled. It suggests that the parent(s) aren't doing a good job.

As far as how he is with is child, he's a great dad. He has her every other weekend and tries to see throughout the week when he can. I've only seen the two of them together once but he seems like he does a good job with her. He's been around me and my son together three times. Her temperament (from what I've seen) seems much different that my son's. She seems much more calm. Zion is more energetic. He does fuss about things... but he's two and acts very two. If you asked anyone, they'd say he's a pleasure to be around and is as sweet as pie.

Quoting quickbooksworm:

That behavior would be a deal breaker for me. I won't tolerate someone insulting me or my child. Spoiled isn't saying you provide enough or too much for him. It means a brat who throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. My son gets a lot of extras but is extremely well behaved so if someone told me I was spoiling and pointed every little thing out that was spoiling him, he'd be gone. I don't live under a parenting skills microscope.

Just curious, how is he with his child?


 

naturALYme
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:26 PM

That's how I felt. I'm completely open to suggestions if you notice something that may need attention. But to say something like that is so inconsiderate.

Quoting lf1975:

I think your completely justified in the way you feel. If he cared about you he would offer suggestions and listen rather than calling your son a spoiled brat . To me that's disrespectful. If someone called my kids that I would be offended


 

quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:40 PM
I don't understand how you can say he's a great dad if you've only seen him WITH his daughter one time. There is a lot more to it than how often he sees his kid. And if he's saying stuff like he is, there is more there.


Quoting naturALYme:

I feel the same way about calling a child spoiled. It suggests that the parent(s) aren't doing a good job.


As far as how he is with is child, he's a great dad. He has her every other weekend and tries to see throughout the week when he can. I've only seen the two of them together once but he seems like he does a good job with her. He's been around me and my son together three times. Her temperament (from what I've seen) seems much different that my son's. She seems much more calm. Zion is more energetic. He does fuss about things... but he's two and acts very two. If you asked anyone, they'd say he's a pleasure to be around and is as sweet as pie.


Quoting quickbooksworm:

That behavior would be a deal breaker for me. I won't tolerate someone insulting me or my child. Spoiled isn't saying you provide enough or too much for him. It means a brat who throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. My son gets a lot of extras but is extremely well behaved so if someone told me I was spoiling and pointed every little thing out that was spoiling him, he'd be gone. I don't live under a parenting skills microscope.

Just curious, how is he with his child?



 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
naturALYme
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I probably should have said that he "seems like" a great dad. I actually think that's what I meant to say. And I know there's more to it than that. Since I haven't been around the two of them together much, all I could tell you is some of what I know. I didn't think I needed to go into a lot. But I know that he cares for her dearly. I know that he's not the type of dad to just pay child support and not help out otherwise. He's available and reliable if there's any reason his daughter's mom needs him (ex: if something comes up and she needs someone to keep their daughter). There very well could be more there but I don't know and may not ever know.


Quoting quickbooksworm:

I don't understand how you can say he's a great dad if you've only seen him WITH his daughter one time. There is a lot more to it than how often he sees his kid. And if he's saying stuff like he is, there is more there.


Quoting naturALYme:

I feel the same way about calling a child spoiled. It suggests that the parent(s) aren't doing a good job.


As far as how he is with is child, he's a great dad. He has her every other weekend and tries to see throughout the week when he can. I've only seen the two of them together once but he seems like he does a good job with her. He's been around me and my son together three times. Her temperament (from what I've seen) seems much different that my son's. She seems much more calm. Zion is more energetic. He does fuss about things... but he's two and acts very two. If you asked anyone, they'd say he's a pleasure to be around and is as sweet as pie.


Quoting quickbooksworm:

That behavior would be a deal breaker for me. I won't tolerate someone insulting me or my child. Spoiled isn't saying you provide enough or too much for him. It means a brat who throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. My son gets a lot of extras but is extremely well behaved so if someone told me I was spoiling and pointed every little thing out that was spoiling him, he'd be gone. I don't live under a parenting skills microscope.

Just curious, how is he with his child?

 


 



 

momma1708
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow, what a jerk. Glad you guys aren't together anymore. I hope you do find someone better. Someone who will love you and your son. 

twinsnseptember
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

My kids r spoiled rotten, but u know what... They r mine to spoil rotten.     If it bother u tell him how u feel. 

Tish_Hughes
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

 I don't think you're wrong. It would make me mad if someone called my child spoiled. Especially a part time parent who doesn't even have their kid all of the time.

soulofsunmama
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:06 PM
1 mom liked this
Good riddance douchebag...NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
naturALYme
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:11 PM

Exactly! There's absolutely nothing similar about our situations as parents. (My situation is strange. I don't know any one personally who is in the same one as me.) So there's no way for him to truly understand.


Quoting Tish_Hughes:

 I don't think you're wrong. It would make me mad if someone called my child spoiled. Especially a part time parent who doesn't even have their kid all of the time.


 

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