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The Crazy Situation I Am Dealing with.... (LONG)

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:42 PM
  • 7 Replies

I am new to the group, but thought I would fill you all in on some of the crazy events that have been happening since Christmas...

Background....

My ex-boyfriend has two children (dd - 12 and ds - 8) from a previous marriage.  When we had started dating dswas 3 and dd was 6 almost 7.  I stayed home with them, took them to doctors, to and from school, did homework, etc.  We had them most of the time and I ended up with the role of primary caregiver.  We had our own daughter in July 2008.  Their mother took them back after about 2.5 years of us being together (a year after I had my daughter).  I still played as much of a role as I could given the circumstances, but things were very different.  Eventually things between us weren't working.  So we split up during the last week of July 2011.  The thing that complicates this situation is that I had purchased the house we were living in during May 2008 cash (it was a repo, cheap, and I had an inheritance).  However, when we split, I didn't really want the house, he did, and he said he would find a way to pay me for the house.  Since then, he has not paid me a dime for the house.  I paid for trash services and the water softner rental through the end of April 2012.  At the end of June 2012, I was financially able to finally get the insurance put back on the house, and I am still paying that.  I have also been paying for the property taxes on the house as well.  I don't trust that he would make sure the insurance or property taxes were paid.  I have been trying to figure out a way to force him to sell the house for awhile, but I really hated forcing him to do that....(I know that I have been too nice...again, this is just the back story).

So, the weekend before Christmas, I drop my daughter off at the house (mine and her dad's - I have been living with my mom until I can get on my feet).  I had to pick her up on Saturday because of Christmas events.  When I did, there was a new girl there.  This is the first time I have seen him with another girl.  I didn't say anything to him about it and he didn't say anything.  On Christmas day, I dropped her off there for Christmas with him and his family.  Afterward I went to pick her up that night and this girl - C was there.  I didn't really get an introduction, but i believe my mom and sister did - I was talking to Adrianna(my dd).  Later that week, I sort of got emotional about it all.  I questioned my decisions and everything.  I knew that I needed to talk to Jeff (my ex-boyfriend).  I knew I would feel better once we talked.  Well, I told him I wanted to talk and aparantly he sort of freaked out about it.  On that friday when I was dropping Adrianna off for her make up weekend, C was of course there, but I was able to talk to him for a minute when we went out to my car.  I asked him if he was happy and stupid emotional me started to cry.  I apologized.  He said he was, and I said that we could talk later - when I wasn't being so emotional and he had time.  So, then Saturday night around midnight I get a text message from C using Jeff's phone.  Its this long message where she basically tells me to leave him alone and basically showed me how insecure she was and how uneducated she is.  I responded and tried to be civil.  I let her know she needed to leave things between Jeff and I, between us - that neither her nor Jeff knew what I wanted to talk about and that if he had her in my house and around my daughter that he must thing highly of her.  I told her that I would never keep Adrianna (my daughter) from spending time with her father unless I thought that he or she would put her in danger.  She responded with some random stuff and also that my name may be on the house but that I had walked away - which plain and simple really pissed me off...so instead of continuing to converse with her (because I didn't want to in the first place), I called Jeff's phone to speak with him directly.  C answered.  I told her that I had called Jeff's phone and I wanted to talk to him.  She told me I didn't have to get rude or ugly...I repeated that I wanted to speak with Jeff.  She gave him the phone.  We talked for a little while.  I got out everything I needed to say and I felt like we were on the same page.  I felt so much better and I thought that he understood where I was with things and figured everything was back to normal.

I was wrong.  When I went to pick Adrianna up from the house, I went in the same way that I normally do, Jeff's sister, S was in the kitchen with C.  S, Jeff's sister is living in the house with Jeff (moved in during the fall of 2012 - I wasn't asked, but hoped it would help Jeff get in a situation he could pay me for the house).  C starts trying to talk to me.  I cut her off and told her that I wanted Jeff to be happy and I was glad that she was making him happy and helping him be he best dad that he could be.  I reiterated that if Jeff had an issue with talking with me or what have you, that he needed to talk to me about it - that he knows that we are always able to talk about things and figure things out.  She didn't like that and neither did his sister.  They wanted to try and tell me what I could talk to him about and what I couldn't.  Jeff and I generally only talked about Adrianna or the house, but we have had a very amicable relationship since we split up.  So, C starts to walk off and tell's S (jeff'  sister), that she better get me out of the house.  I stepped forward and informed them that they could not make me leave my own house.  This is when C came at me, she shoved me into the door and I hit my head, she was still on me and I pushed her off at which she threw me down, but I held on so she came down to.  When she did, she it her head on the counter (I heard it).  Jeff had to come in and pull her off me.  I told S to not even think about it - she has threatened me before when Jeff and I were together.  Jeff and I walked out with Adrianna's things.  He went back in and got her.  I am crying and asked him what would have happened if Adrianna had walked in!?  He said that was why he was sitting with her - which of course didn't really piss me off till later because I was sort of in shock and Adrianna was upset.  She was not crying but you could tell she was scared and worried.

I went home and called the police.  I pressed charges with the officer.  Adrianna was super clingy for the next few days.  I called my boss because my job could have been affected and I wanted to let her know what was going on.  C pressed charges in return the following day (apparently they were drunk the night of the attack when the officer tried to contact them).  Due to my job, if charges were filed, I would have been suspended...so as much as I knew I was in the right in the situation (and everyone I talked to seem to agree) it was better for me if the prosecutors office didn't file anything.  I used my resources from work and I found an attorney.  He was willing to work with me on getting things done to start the process to force Jeff to sell the house so we can split the profit accordingly since neither of us can afford it.  Lucky for me charges were not filed.  However, I am still proceeding with trying to sell the house.  Jeff just received his copy of what was filed with the court yesterday.  Yesterday was the beginning of his weekend with Adrianna.  I have been making him pick Adrianna up since everything happened with C.  Well, today around 4pm, I get a call from Jeff's ex-wife - CH.  She informed me that her dd and ds had called her crying that C and Jeff had gotten in a fight.  CH wanted to know if I wanted her to pick up Adrianna as well.  She told me that Jeff was drunk when she had dropped her dd that day (her dd had not been going to Jeffs for about 6 months prior to Christmas, but has recently been going on eoSaturday).  I told her yes, but to let me know if he gave her any trouble about picking her up.  Maybe 5 minutes later, C calls me from Jeff's phone and asks me to pick up Adrianna.  I told her that CH was on her way and was going to pick her up when she got her dd and ds.  CH got there and got the kids.  However, in the mix of everything Adrianna's coat and medicine were left there.  CH told me that Jeff's other sister D was there when she picked the kids up because C had called her to have her check on him because she thought he was not in a condition to keep the kids by himself.  So, I text D about the medicine.  The coat was not found yet, but D did get me the medicine (thank goodness).  D seemed upset.  When CH had brought me Adrianna, her dd and ds were visibly upset.  dd was in tears and still shaking, ds was just super quiet and not himself at all.  Adrianna was pretty good and seemed happy to be home...there are some pluses to be 4.  later she did seemed bothered that her daddy told her that bubby and sissy and her as well had to go home. 

Jeff called me around 8pm this evening to apologize for everything.  I didn't chew him out like I probably had the right to or even ask about what actually happened.  I didn't figure it was the time to do that.  I want to figure out my next steps before I do that.  He asked how Adrianna was doing.  I told him okay and asked if he wanted to talk to her.  He said yes and I gave her the phone.  She told him that she was sorry she had been bad and asked why bubby and sissy were crying.  he told her that she hadn't been bad and that the K and P were having a bad day.  she asked why he told them they had to go home and why he had said he was going to call mommy (me) to have me pick her up.  He told her that he was having a bad day or something like that.  He told her he was sorry about everything and that he loved her.

I was glad that he called and talked to her.  She hadn't told me that she thought she had done something wrong to make things happen the way they did.  I am really glad that he reassured her that she hadn't done anything wrong.

So right now....I am not sure what to think of everything or what to even do.  The whole situation is quite unsettling.  What would have happened if K had not been there to call her mom?  What would have happened if C hadn't been there to call me and ask me to come get Adrianna?  If he was that upset and that drunk....it really worries me.

So...now I get to try to figure out my next steps....I just wish things would go back to being simple.

 

Anyways, sorry this was so long.  A lot going on and I am pretty long winded. :-)

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:42 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:50 PM
Wow. That is a lot. Hopefully you can get it all straight sooner rather than later.
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Shaybay218
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:31 AM

Smh...I really hope things work out in your favor!

mytrueloveS
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I believe all of this could have been prevented from the beginning. Good luck to you, hope it all works out.  

Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I hate when guys who are more than capable of acting mature with an ex, totally change and let some new woman make the whole co parenting relationship go sour.

I read 80% of this...is he still in YOUR house??  It sounds like it.  If so, I'd boot him and that girl right out the door.  That's your house, and she has no respect for you.  I really wouldn't allow that to continue.

sunshine389142
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:45 AM

 


Quoting mytrueloveS:

I believe all of this could have been prevented from the beginning. Good luck to you, hope it all works out.  


 The whole thing probably couldn't have been prevented (unless I never had a child with him or put his name on the house), however, I am fully aware of my part in what has put me in the position.  I think eventually it will all work out.  Things with the house are moving forward - paperwork has been filed, but there is still a process involved.

My more immediate concern is how to handle Jeff's parenting time - I was already planning to get something in front of the judge to require the following:  (1) no smoking around Adrianna - she has asthma and it has gotten worse, (2) he is to provide 1/2 transportation per state parenting time guidelines, (3) Adrianna not be left alone with C - she has seizures and I have no idea what happens other than she is not able to have a license because of it, and (4) C not be present at transition times in order to avoid future incidents.  Those things were already on the table.  Now I am considering whether supervised visitation should be in place.  If Adrianna's 12 year old sister had not been there to call her mom....or if C hadn't have been there to call me....I just dont that I am comfortable with Adrianna being there without someone who I can trust to be sober and protect my daughter.  I hate to ask for supervised visitation but I know its something I need to consider seriously for the safety of my daughter.

Thanks

sunshine389142
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:48 AM

 


Quoting Ridingsolo:

I hate when guys who are more than capable of acting mature with an ex, totally change and let some new woman make the whole co parenting relationship go sour.

I read 80% of this...is he still in YOUR house??  It sounds like it.  If so, I'd boot him and that girl right out the door.  That's your house, and she has no respect for you.  I really wouldn't allow that to continue.


 Yes he is still in my house.  His name is on the house too (I was an idiot, I know).  I am working on forcing him to sell the house through the courts, but I have no idea how long the process will take.

At this point, my biggest concern is the safety of my daughter.  in my reply to someone else above, I explain why...

It all sucks and I feel like things wouldn't be this bad if it werent for C getting involved in things she shouldn't have, but at the same time, I know that incident is was forced my hand with the proceeding for the house - so I suppose that is the silverlining.

Thanks.

Rosalind2012
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 9:53 AM

It sounds like your ex and his girlfriend are not fit to have your child in their care. Document all this, with dates. People who get drunk while responsible for children, and people who physically attack others are not fit fo raise kids! If I were you, I would not allow him to have unsupervised visits with her anymore. She is your first priority, and you would not forgive yourself if something happened to her because of his neglect. And given how "fiery" this new woman is, wouldnt there be a possibility that the social circles she runs in would be totally inappropriate to exposed your daughter to? I mean, if she's that deranged, what are her friends like? And if she attacks you like that, I'm sure she would totally do that to your ex, in front of your daughter. Psychologists always say that when there's a problem in the home, the kids think it's their fault, which is exactly what happened to your daughter. Even if she seems fine, she could be carrying a burden in her heart that you can't see. Do you want her to have to shoulder that from stupid nonsense she could be exposed to? You should totally get some conditions in place for your ex's visits with her. You don't want to be held responsible for allowing her to go somewhere where her well-being is in jeopardy. Trust me, I've been there, and my biggest regret is not putting a stop to the visits to a toxic environment, and protecting my little 4 year old's heart. He's now 22 and still suffering from it all to some extent. And since your name is on that house, you can totally kick her out of there! I would do it in a heartbeat! You don't have to be nice. This is your daughter best interests you're protecting. All bets are off as soon as someone puts that at risk, I say.

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