You need to work this out with your finance or you two will end up not working out. Your fiance has to treat you with importance. I agree with the balance part of your relationship. You aren't the mother of the child, but you are going to be a step-mom. There has to be an understanding how you fit into this family.
It's difficult coming into a relationship where there is a child from a prior marriage, the best advice I can give you is that you discuss with his your feelings and come up with solutions for them. He schedules time with his son from another relationship, why not ask him to schedule time with you? Or ask him to tell you when he has plans with his son so you can move things around to work with your quality time. This way he sees you are making an effort, I think when a new relationship is formed and there is another child from another relationship the parent tends to get more defensive which may be what is happening with him. Explain to him that you don't want to take time away from his first child and that you welcome him with open hands but that he must also take into consideration that he no longer lives by himself. Also as far as displince goes that is a tough one because I'm not sure that I would feel comfortable in any situation with another woman displicing my child especially one that recently become part of my child life, I would say don't displicine him but make sure that his father is aware of situation where he needs to be and tell him that he must also have your back when it comes to his child acting out towards you. I don't think under any condition should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to another adult especially in your case where you are the partner of his father and mother to the child's new sibling, that positions does demand respect. Like I said best advice is sit down and talk to him and try to get him on the defenses.
Hi ladies, I sincerely appreciate your views & advice. I hope things will at least get better after speaking to him and we could somehow reach to certain kind of understanding on this delicate matter. I can only hope and let the rest unfold...
I would suggest finding either a good mutual friend to facilitate a discussion or better still a social worker or councillor. You need to work through this now and establish boundaries and guidelines which are appropriate and acceptable to both you, your partner, your soon to be stepson and realisticly also your partners ex ( who will ALWAYS be a part of your lives together)
Yes I do see your point. I agree on half of what you said although I disagree on him not having to involve me on activities his ex might have for their son which accidentally would interfer with our schedule. Besides we have a baby together too so what I am trying to achieve here is having and getting a right balance of priorities. Our baby and myself are important too if we are to be part of his family. I am a mother too. A new one with no experience whatsoever. I am just trying to do what's best for my family too.
Quoting hopealways4019:
He shouldn't have to involved you in everything relating too his son. You knew he had a child, prior to hooking up. If his child is acting up, I would have discussion with his father how too address his behavior. I would advise you not too marry him, if you can't accept his son and ex as a part of y'all life.
prayers for all involved..
- Ladyfeb
on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:12 PM