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Fighting a loosing battle

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I am in a relationship with a divorcee who has a 10 year old boy from his previous marriage. We also have a 2 month old baby together. He lives in USA and I live in Singapore. We've been travelling back and forth throughout our relationship. Now that our baby is born, we finally decided to try to move in together resulting me coming to live in USA with him. It's been 2 weeks now we live under the same roof and things have been very rocky. Most of our quarrels involved his son and his ex. I feel hurt each time when my fiance would make plans with his ex pertaining to their son's activities without even discussing with me When it involves our time together. I can't even discipline his son when it's required. My partner would put me at my place which is I'm not his mother hence I cannot interfer and I should just suck it up. Despite all that though I am family when it comes to cooking and managing the household chores. Many times I feel like giving up and just go back home with our baby since I don't feel belong.
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by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:12 PM
Replies (11-12):
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:35 PM

You're right about the disciplining part. I come from a complete different country, culture and background. I was exposed to different things, do's and don'ts when it comes to parenting / step parenting where I came from. I was raised by a stepfather myself and certainly there are no such thing of step parent having no rights to disciplining especially when we are living under the same roof where I came from. So what you mentioned definitely open up to something new for me which I will need to adjust myself to. I am somehow lucky as his ex is in fact a very nice person. She welcomes me and our baby with an open arms, getting presents for my baby when I just had him. My step son is not a problematic or difficult boy most of the time though. My point that I'm trying to present here is that I feel that my fiance could have done things differently so as not to make me feel less as part of his family. Have my back when difficult situation arises. Instead of just expecting me to suck it up all the time and go along with him, making me feel like i'm just holding a position more of a housekeeper/nanny than part of his family where my feelings matter too. I'd like him to be spending more time with our baby too. My son needs a father too. Sigh...

Quoting quickbooksworm:

My opinion is that he doesn't need to ask you if he wants to spend time with his son but he should at least let you know what's going on. He may have a court order he has to stick to. And his ex may be a total beast who you don't want to spend time with. Being a step parent, you may not have the authority to discipline, its written in my court order than only the custodial step parent can. These are things you need to find out about and decide if you can live with it or not.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:28 PM
Your right he has to balance time between his son and y'all. You don't wanna feel neglected. Good luck!

Quoting Ladyfeb:

Yes I do see your point. I agree on half of what you said although I disagree on him not having to involve me on activities his ex might have for their son which accidentally would interfer with our schedule. Besides we have a baby together too so what I am trying to achieve here is having and getting a right balance of priorities. Our baby and myself are important too if we are to be part of his family. I am a mother too. A new one with no experience whatsoever. I am just trying to do what's best for my family too.

Quoting hopealways4019:

He shouldn't have to involved you in everything relating too his son. You knew he had a child, prior to hooking up. If his child is acting up, I would have discussion with his father how too address his behavior. I would advise you not too marry him, if you can't accept his son and ex as a part of y'all life.

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