Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Hes such an a**hole! How can I deal with him?

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:59 AM
  • 12 Replies

So my ex husband finally took the kids for the weekend after not having them for months due to his living situation. He tried calling me a couple times on Saturday and I didnt answer because I was in the shower. Then I got a couple text messages from him being an a** because he thought I was purposely ignoring his phone calls. When I finally got back to him and asked what he wanted, he wasnt making sense. He said something about messing up our ds medication and he wasnt sure if he gave it to him or not but the pill was missing but then he gave him 1/2 of one (how did he give him half if the pill was missing). Some how this is all my fault. I told him I didnt understand, he wasnt making sense, and asked him if he was high or on smthg (he smokes pot and has used other drugs on and off). This made him really mad! He started calling me a c**t, b**ch, idiot, ect (have no idea if my kids are hearing him). Telling me to get off my high horse, Im not that great, and that nobody wants me because I act like this. I was actually really calm and trying to get along with him because Im tired of fighting but I finally told him not to call/txt my phone again (if theres an emergency I told him to call my mom)  and I shut my phone off.

Sorry so long but really needed to vent and need some advice. Our youngest is only 8 yrs old and I dont know how to deal with him for the next 10 yrs. Does anyone else have ex like this? How do you handle him? I really try to keep peace for the kids sake but its sooo hard because hes so immature and picks fights with me over stupid stuff.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
steviechick
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:09 AM

I've been reading 'Boundaries' by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  I can't even talk to my ex without exploding.  So, I decided to find a way to interact with him.  Since my DD is grown (18) she has to learn to deal with a father that has severe anger management and a very complex personality.  When I'm done reading it I'm giving it to her.  I highly recommend you learn how to cope with an ex and how to deal with talking to him.  He sounds just like mine - minus the explicit foul language.  Your ex is using his verbal abuse to get 'even' with you.  You should not tolerate him speaking to you like that at all.  There are steps to take when dealing with this kind of nonsense.  Check with your local library and see if they have this book.  If not, I'm sure you can purchase it through Amazon.

breebree04
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:25 AM

 Thanks, I will look into it. I will do just about anything at this point if it will work. I am so tired of dealing with him and I dont want my kids to think that this is acceptable behavior. I definately dont want my ds growing up thinking he can talk to women like that.


Quoting steviechick:

I've been reading 'Boundaries' by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  I can't even talk to my ex without exploding.  So, I decided to find a way to interact with him.  Since my DD is grown (18) she has to learn to deal with a father that has severe anger management and a very complex personality.  When I'm done reading it I'm giving it to her.  I highly recommend you learn how to cope with an ex and how to deal with talking to him.  He sounds just like mine - minus the explicit foul language.  Your ex is using his verbal abuse to get 'even' with you.  You should not tolerate him speaking to you like that at all.  There are steps to take when dealing with this kind of nonsense.  Check with your local library and see if they have this book.  If not, I'm sure you can purchase it through Amazon.


 

Chelly118
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:44 PM

My childs was a jerk to me when I was pregnant! I try to play nice, but I also learned too when I was pregnant he learned that I wouldn't take his shit, and trust me there was a lot of arugments. I just hung up the phone.

I am starting to do that agian, it's easier on me if I don't talk to him(only when needed) I would also save everything you can.... If might help you in court if needed

LauraMH
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:51 PM

Yes, my ex is like that. What I do is, anytime he calls I hand the phone straight to the kids for them to answer. I do not talk to him on the phone. If he has the kids, I will answer anytime he calls but if he says anything that is not regarding the kids I immediately say "Does this involve the kids? (If no then I say) I will not discuss this, I am hanging up the phone" and simply hang up the phone. I blocked his texts messages and keep all communication strictly to e-mail.

I hope thishelps :)  I know how frustrating it is to try to talk to someone who refuses to have a civil conversation and does nothing but yell/scream/curse at you.

 

victoriahearts
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:03 PM

Your youngest is 8 yo, so why didn't he just ask your child if he gave him the medicine instead of making a whole big deal about it, and if  he is still on drugs I would really rethink his keeping his visitation rights because that is just going to cause your a headache. As for how do you handle it, maybe getting a middle person that you both get along with , would help you stay in a more neutral ground but this wont work if he isn't willing to be an adult and grow up.

breebree04
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:48 PM

 My youngest is 8 but the child with the medication is 10 and thats what I was wondering, why he didnt just ask him. My ds knows when to take his meds and how much to take, I supervise just to make sure but he does it on his own. Thats what didnt make sense either, he said he asked ds and ds wasnt sure. I dont believe that. As far as drugs, I know he smokes pot still (even admitted it in text) but not sure if hes doing anything stronger. That was just the first thing that came to mind because he was all over the place and I couldnt understand him. Ive already made it very clear that if I find out he is high (on anything) while he has our kids, I will take him to court. Thanks for the advice!


Quoting victoriahearts:

Your youngest is 8 yo, so why didn't he just ask your child if he gave him the medicine instead of making a whole big deal about it, and if  he is still on drugs I would really rethink his keeping his visitation rights because that is just going to cause your a headache. As for how do you handle it, maybe getting a middle person that you both get along with , would help you stay in a more neutral ground but this wont work if he isn't willing to be an adult and grow up.


 

breebree04
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:52 PM

 I saved the text messages just incase and this is exactly what I was thinking of doing but sometimes he still gets to me like this last time. He said it had to do with ds medication so I had to call him back to check on my ds and then all hell broke loose but once I found out ds was fine I shut my phone off


Quoting Chelly118:

My childs was a jerk to me when I was pregnant! I try to play nice, but I also learned too when I was pregnant he learned that I wouldn't take his shit, and trust me there was a lot of arugments. I just hung up the phone.

I am starting to do that agian, it's easier on me if I don't talk to him(only when needed) I would also save everything you can.... If might help you in court if needed


 

breebree04
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:55 PM

I am going to try this. Ive thought about it before but I worry that he is going to start talking negatively to the kids about me if he cant say it right to me and I dont wanna put them in the middle. I am going to try it though and if he starts saying stuff to them I will just cut off all phone/txt interaction with him. Thanks


Quoting LauraMH:

Yes, my ex is like that. What I do is, anytime he calls I hand the phone straight to the kids for them to answer. I do not talk to him on the phone. If he has the kids, I will answer anytime he calls but if he says anything that is not regarding the kids I immediately say "Does this involve the kids? (If no then I say) I will not discuss this, I am hanging up the phone" and simply hang up the phone. I blocked his texts messages and keep all communication strictly to e-mail.

I hope thishelps :)  I know how frustrating it is to try to talk to someone who refuses to have a civil conversation and does nothing but yell/scream/curse at you.

 


 

LauraMH
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 2:10 PM

One thing I've learned is that I can not control what goes on at my ex's house. He will talk badly about me, tell lies to the kids, curse me out, whatever else he feels like doing and there is nothing I can do. What I can do is continue to provide a stable loving home for my kids when they are with me.

This was a very hard thing for me to realize (and I do still stuggle with it). I was so worried that since he didn't have me to take his anger out on anymore he would take it out on the kids. Well, he does to an extent. But I left him and I choose not to deal with him anymore, my kids will have to make their own decision on who he is and what type of relationship they want with him in the future.

Right now all I can do is love them and teach them what is acceptable and what is not. Your kids will learn the truth in time.


Quoting breebree04:

I am going to try this. Ive thought about it before but I worry that he is going to start talking negatively to the kids about me if he cant say it right to me and I dont wanna put them in the middle. I am going to try it though and if he starts saying stuff to them I will just cut off all phone/txt interaction with him. Thanks

 

Quoting LauraMH:

Yes, my ex is like that. What I do is, anytime he calls I hand the phone straight to the kids for them to answer. I do not talk to him on the phone. If he has the kids, I will answer anytime he calls but if he says anything that is not regarding the kids I immediately say "Does this involve the kids? (If no then I say) I will not discuss this, I am hanging up the phone" and simply hang up the phone. I blocked his texts messages and keep all communication strictly to e-mail.

I hope thishelps :)  I know how frustrating it is to try to talk to someone who refuses to have a civil conversation and does nothing but yell/scream/curse at you.

 

 

 


 

breebree04
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 2:31 PM

I agree and thats what I try to do. I also had a hard time at first with this (he lets them watch and listen to stuff that is not age appropiate among other things), but I have come to terms with it awhile ago. I no longer fight with him about any of that stuff because he can do what he wants with them (as long as their not in danger of course) on his time


Quoting LauraMH:

One thing I've learned is that I can not control what goes on at my ex's house. He will talk badly about me, tell lies to the kids, curse me out, whatever else he feels like doing and there is nothing I can do. What I can do is continue to provide a stable loving home for my kids when they are with me.

This was a very hard thing for me to realize (and I do still stuggle with it). I was so worried that since he didn't have me to take his anger out on anymore he would take it out on the kids. Well, he does to an extent. But I left him and I choose not to deal with him anymore, my kids will have to make their own decision on who he is and what type of relationship they want with him in the future.

Right now all I can do is love them and teach them what is acceptable and what is not. Your kids will learn the truth in time.

 

Quoting breebree04:

I am going to try this. Ive thought about it before but I worry that he is going to start talking negatively to the kids about me if he cant say it right to me and I dont wanna put them in the middle. I am going to try it though and if he starts saying stuff to them I will just cut off all phone/txt interaction with him. Thanks

 

Quoting LauraMH:

Yes, my ex is like that. What I do is, anytime he calls I hand the phone straight to the kids for them to answer. I do not talk to him on the phone. If he has the kids, I will answer anytime he calls but if he says anything that is not regarding the kids I immediately say "Does this involve the kids? (If no then I say) I will not discuss this, I am hanging up the phone" and simply hang up the phone. I blocked his texts messages and keep all communication strictly to e-mail.

I hope thishelps :)  I know how frustrating it is to try to talk to someone who refuses to have a civil conversation and does nothing but yell/scream/curse at you.

 

 

 

 

 


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN