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help dealing with temper tantrums and horrible behavior after visitation

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:22 PM
  • 10 Replies

my ex has been in and out of my daughter's life since she was born. he now is asking for longer visitation. this happened right after he found out from my now x best friend that I had an amazing man in my life who my daughter is calling daddy (did this on her own). instead of fighting him I just said fine. now every time she comes back she is absolute wreck. screaming bloody murder, throwing things, hitting and holding her breath. she never used to do this until now. it breaks my heart to see her like this. sometimes I have  to just put in her crib for a fwe mins so I can cry in the other room.


sorry so long. any advice on dealing with tantrums and obvious separation anxiety.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MissKittyPurry
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 5:00 PM

BUMP!

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Take her to the pediatrician just for a office visit and referral to a mental health expert. The doctor will note that and it'll be on record.
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Lita5202
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 6:45 PM

 This. My pediatrician refered my daughter and son to a counsler. Which has helped my kids alot....

How old is your daughter?


Quoting MeeshMom:

Take her to the pediatrician just for a office visit and referral to a mental health expert. The doctor will note that and it'll be on record.


 

Tigger0421
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:33 PM

she is only 2 and I know it may just be that age but only happens after she gets back from her father's.

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:03 PM
It's VERY COMMON for kids to act out when they transition from one house to the other. They have to totally change everything because each house has different rules and expectations. They don't have the coping skills we as adults have nor do they know how to vocalise their frustration. Plus they have no input in the situation.

My son is 7 and has lived between 2 houses all his life. He still has issues sometimes but over time it has gotten better.

Doing all you can to ensure there's as little underlying stress/tension between you and dad will make TONS of difference.

Plus, spending one on one time with her for several hours when she returns will help too.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:20 PM
One on one time is great also play therapy. It's tough adjusting to different rules and routines
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mytrueloveS
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:46 AM

My son does that, he is really rude when he gets back.  Good thing I only deal with it once a week.  I put him to sleep early and give him space, the following day he's back to his normal self.  

proudmother5946
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:04 AM
I've noticed my nephew(7) acts up when he gets back from his psuedo mom's on sunday. Real mouthy and rude. She has no rules over there and it shows. She's the Disney mom. She treats him as a fashion accessory to her friends,"look, I have a son", aren't I wonderful.
He yelled at his grandma at church to open the car door so he could get his toy. She was shocked.
Even my daughter lectures him on his rude behavior now. His dad nails him for it too. He usually goes back to normal in a day.
Kisses4you
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:33 AM

How often does he see her? Is it consistent the visitaiton?   ...What do these guys expect? .. i mean they come in and out of their childrens lives and then get mad when we find someone else who acts more like a father then they will ever be so they attempt to get control again (its a pride thing and unfortunatly sometimes i feel it has nothing to do with the child... hopefully it will wear off)... Are you on speaking terms with her father? Have you tired to talk to him?

I wish the definition of father was more then just biological... Anyone can have a child but that doesnt mean you are a father... 

Tigger0421
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:54 PM
Her father has been very inconsistent with visits. Only saw her twice last year. I know there are different rules at his house (if any). Her behavior has just gotten so out of control lately and I know its bc she is afraid everytime I leave I'm not coming back. Just frustrating to see her like this. :(
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