Single, pregnant, and a teenager...need advice!

[ShaeLynn330]

My name is Shae. I'm 19 years old and about 3 months pregnant. Me and the babydad were only together for 2 wks. We haven't been together since before I found out I was pregnant, but wen I first told him he told me that he was crossing his fingers for a miscarriage, I ended up forgiving him for that, we were talking about getting back together until he starting treating me like crap, then I told him that he can be a part of the baby's life after it's born but until then I didn't want to be around him. He apologized for everything, again I forgave him because I wanted my baby to have its dad in its life. Well he started treating me like crap again. His priorities have been all screwed up from the beginning and I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Day. We've known about it since then, and he hasn't done anything to help me out! On top of all that he just got a new girlfriend yesterday and paid for her an all day spa package for tomorrow and he took a two wk vacation to Miami, Fl, and we live in Ohio. I just wish he would have been there if not for me then for his baby! :/ It's all taken a really big tole on me and I've been so stressed out and very emotional..I have the support from my family and friends, just wish I did from the person that helped me conceive this baby.

So if there is anyone out there that could give me some advice that would be really great. Thank you for reading.

[MandaMom23]

 Hi Shae, welcome to the group.  I think you will find support and friendships around here that will help you.  I wish the best for you and your baby.

[erinmomofone]

Welcome to the group! I am also 19 my name is Erin and I have a 5 year old daughter. It's better to not deal with him treating you like crap I come from an abusive relatonship and it started of like that. Find those who care about you and your baby. You are lucky to hsve your family and friends :). I am here if you need anything

[songbird2716]

I think you should sick with your initial instinct to not involve him until the baby arrives. Most guys- especially guys who aren't emotionally connected with the mom- don't really "become a dad" so to speak, until after their child is born (and honestly, many still won't then). If I were you, I'd try to focus on my independence as much as possible during this time and find support in more reliable places like family and good friends. Hang in their mama. Don't let him stress you out!

[lilpsmommie2011]

I'm 21, I have an 13 month old dd and I do it alone. At first her dad was around, and we were together. Now he could care less and is back with his crazy ex. I want my dd to have a dad, but the way he is acting I'm glad he stays away. All you can do is do whats right by your child, don't worry about him it will just cause you undo stress. Focus on being the best mother you can be. It's hard I won't lie and say it isn't, but if you love your child it's all worth it. I have days were I wish he was around to help, but I just reminds myself that I'm a good mother with or without him, and I'm sure you will be to.

[mytrueloveS]

For now let him have his fun.  Once your baby is born, get custody and file for child support.  Glad your friends and family are there to help, and I hope your ex will be there for baby once he/she is born.  

[LifeCafe42]

Welcome to the group! Just because he is the father by blood doesn't make him a dad and you can't make him be. Focus on you and your child it is the only thing that matters now. Good luck'

[Mac4411]

Congrats on your soon to be baby. It will be the most terrifying and wonderful time of your life. Your child's father sounds young and confused right now. This doesn't mean he will be a bad dad or a good one, but it does sound like you would be better to take a little space for yourself. Best rule of thumb when it comes to him and how he treats you is: if you have a daughter and she was in your position, what choices would you want her to make? and if you have a son what would you want him thinking was acceptable treatment for you and all women. We tend to want better for our kids than ourselves, but if you don't live it, they won't grow into it. This is the time to start being a role model. If there is info about the baby be a bigger person and share it, but for everything else worry about yourself and your child. Take this time to think about what you want for you and your child. You are going to have to make decisions about whether to put him on the birth cert, what last name your child will have, whether to press for child support, where you will live, work and a million other things. Worrying about him and what he is or isn't doing will only stress you out. It sounds like you have a great support team of friends and family, rely on them and make sure you are taking care of yourself. Best of luck to you.