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Newly single

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:37 AM
  • 6 Replies

Eh, the title is slightly misleading. I am officially a single mother, i have been doing everything on my own since my son was born. and yet somehow im having a hard time dealing with this.

background before i ask my advice or just helpful encouraging words from anyone else who has been through this.

I had my son in august 2011. His father and I have not really been happy with each other in a long time. but everytime i mentioned giving up he always found a way to stick around not leave and "try to work on things" its hard we are young. im 23, he just turned 25. now. since we have been together. he has had i kid you not ladies 25jobs! our biggest issue. well that and he smokes weed. i do not smoke or do drugs of any kind. he does.

the past oh three weeks or so he has been spending a lot of time hanging out with my brother(19) his best friend (also 19) and his bestfriends wife(20) yes ladies i said wife :shakes head:

now a few days ago he tells me he's done. he's unhappy and wants to give me space and him get some space and just stip fighting and he's sleeping on the couch and blah blah blah we have all heard this or have said it at some point typical copout break up lines.

nothing sparked inside me i was not sad, i was not glad, i was just like ok whatever. Come to find out he is interested in the best friends wife. she is uninterested in her husband and is planning to divorce him. they are now starting to build a relationship together...

the kicker to me is this, he lied. he is out all night (yes we still live in the same house, because he will not leave. he has no where else to go, he has no car, he drives mine) he spends NO time with our son.

i went to spend a few hours with my girlfriends the other day my only day off. my son screamed when i handed him to his father. ran away latched on to my neck and just cried. it broke my heart.

I am so upset and hurt by the situation not for me but for my son.


by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:37 AM
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Replies (1-6):
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 1:49 PM


by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 1:58 PM

Hugs, lots of hugs !!! Best advice is take your car keys away from him, change the locks on the door and put his stuff outside the door. Or you can try to be civil as well as tell him that he has a month to find a place to live because your relationship is no longer working, also notify him that once he has moved out you are planning on applying for child support and if he wants to discuss visitations that you will work that out with him as well. The sooner you can actually get into single mom mood and work out all these details, the sooner you can start getting your child use to the new arrangement.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 1:59 PM

you are better off without him and sounds like your son is too. You will see that eventually, it will just take some time. I was basically in the same situation. My ex husband just didnt wanna grow up. We had two kids and he was more worried about smoking pot and hanging out with his friends than being a husband and dad. I felt like and pretty much was a single mom even when I was married. I left him when my kids were 3 and 1 yrs old. He is still the same today! He takes his kids every other weekend but if something comes up with his friends or something he feels is more important he has no problem putting the kids on the back burner. Not to mention he still buys/smokes pot (and probably other drugs) but complains about paying cs and claims he cant afford his own place. Good Luck dealing with him, you have a child together so whether your together or not you will be dealing with his shit for along time and in my experience its hell.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 2:15 PM

Eh, your stbx and the gf will end up breaking up anyway.  He's a loser.  She will soon find that out.  Better off without him in your life.  I agree with everyone else.  He's hurting you and it's time for him to leave and move on with his life.  Get that cs in order and visitation rights in order.  The sooner he leaves and moves on the better off you will be.  Your son is knows there is tension between you and your stbx.  Just try and cuddle him when you can.  He's too young to fully understand what's going on.  I hope that your stbx does find time to be a father.  If he doesn't it's his loss.  Hugs to you mama!

by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 4:56 PM

Welcome!  I think you need to give your ex an eviction notice and stop allowing him to drive your car.  I'd also document everything that happens with your son from here on out.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 8:40 PM

You obviously need to either kick him out or leave. File for custody and child support and get on with life. It's not unusual for kids to be so attached that they don't want mommy to leave, but its usually a phase. Expect an adjustment phase with him, but once get settled and set up a routine everything will be much better.

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