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Hello everyone, I'm new to the group

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 5:31 PM
  • 14 Replies

Hi, my name is Emily and I am a 28yr old single mom of 2 children.  My daughter is 8 and my son is 5.  I got divorced in 4/11 and in 6/11 my children and I had to move in with my parents--and we still live there.  I was a stay at home mom for 7 yrs prior to this, I do work part time and have been since 11/11. I did try to get my own house but because I only work part time and I'm in school I couldn't get a loan.  I am in school to become a Paralegal, I am almost done with my Associates degree--graduate this summer.  My ex husband sees our children every other weekend and that is all.  Right before the holidays he moved in with his girlfriend and her son so that is always fun.  His weekends got switched at work so that meant that our weekends got switched and he didn't see our kids for nearly 4 weeks.  This weekend is my daughter's Girl Scout Father-Daughter dance, originally it was supposed to be on his weekend but due to the schedule change at work it is now on my weekend.  While picking up the kids last weekend he informed my mom that he would not be able to take our daughter this year as he forgot to ask off.  So luckly my dad will be taking her.  I realize that there are women who are in worse situations than mine, hell 2 of my best friends are single single moms and the dad is no where around.  So I guess my question is, would you rather have a father who is not in the picture at all or a father who is only around every other weekend??  I know that seems harsh to ask, but if the dad is not around at all then at least you know that he isn't around and don't count on him for anything.  Does that make sense.  This was NOT to offend anyone either, just a question.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 5:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 5:44 PM

 Hi Emily, Welcome to the group.

Regardless of your stance with your ex.  It is best to let the kids see their dad every other weekend.  Even when he needs to switch due to circumstances beyond his control.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:50 PM

No I completely understand that. My thing is that I wish he would see them more.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:56 PM

That is an easy question.. I would rather him not be here because now I have to share my baby with him and his mother (who thinks she is the mother of my child). I would definitely rather him go away because I will find someone who is going to be a better daddy  to her anyway!

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:07 PM
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:49 AM

I personally feel it should he all or nothing. That is the same agreement that my sons father and I have, he gets him every other weekend. He hardly ever sees him, so that is why I'm so harsh. I would rather him not he in my sons life at all verses only when he feels like playing daddy. I get zero support from him, so I've already given up on relying on him to help me.
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:52 AM

Welcome. I definately wish my ex wasnt around at all. My ex is the same way yours is. He only gets them every other weekend and sometimes bails on them. We lived 1 mile away from him for over 3 years and he refused to see them any more than that. He gets off of work before they get out of school everyday but still makes them go to daycare. The list goes on and on. I know its good for the kids to see him but I think in the long run he is just going to hurt them and they would be better off if he would just walk away completely.

by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:23 AM

Welcome!  My name is also Emily :)

by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:14 PM
HI & welcome! :)
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Well, my kids see their Dad once a month or so.  The way his shifts work he only seems to have one full weekend a month off and he's 5 hours away so it needs to be a full weekend.  I don't depend on him at all for child care and see his visitation as a bonus (and in truth, I hate it when they go - I'm lonely and don't know what to do with myself, lol)  I'd like every other weekend but it'll never happen so I try and make sure they get to see their Dad as often as possible. 

As an aside...due to his work schedule my ex was only able to make one Dad's night out of countless ones all the time we were married and we have no family here so my girls just didn't go.   I think it's always better for kids to have some time with their Dad, even if it's only a couple times a year.  

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:35 PM

Hi, Emily and welcome to the group.

In my case I have no minor children.  My DD is grown (18) and she decides to see her father or not.  Before we got divorced my ex was a total ass to my DD and to me.  It involved money problems that I had to constantly take care.  Then it all escalated after my DD and I found out about my ex's three affair AND the two kids he fathered in the process.  Needless to say, my ex did a number on me and my DD.  We were married for 26 years.  If my DD was seeing her father it would have to be just the two of them.  No half-siblings and no new wife in the mix.  And, because my ex has been a total jackass to my DD (raging on the phone over his missed b-day and money problems with me and my DD - not paying back loans and college support) my ex has simply been absent from my DD's life.  If we had a second child (a minor) I know I would be dealing with the same nonsense.  If it was up to me, I would prefer that my ex either get therapy for his many mental problems or just stay out of my DD's life.  She's already dealing with all the nonsense from her father and what he's done to destroy our marriage.  If my ex wasn't all messed up I would hope that he at least would continue to be a decent father to our DD.  And that would include having the same kind of relationship with my DD as if we were still married.  But, since my ex is severely messed up, it's probably best that he stay out of my DD's life.

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