Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Whats ur impression?

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 1:56 PM
  • 10 Replies
7 MONTHS PREGNANT AND HAVENT MET YOUR
BOYFRIENDS DAUGHTER
YOU DISCUSS IT WITH HIM
SAYING
"HOW DO U THINK YOUR ELEVEN/TWELVE
YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS GOING TO REACT TO
SUDDENLY SEEING A BABY IF WE HAVENT MET
OR DONT U THINK SHE WOULD FEEL BETRAYED
LIKE YOU KEPT A SECRET AWAY FROM HER
HE DEFENSIVELY SAYS
"I KNOW MY DAUGHTER SHE WONT BE MAD I KNOW HER
THATS MY DAUGHTER I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT"
AND THAT I WILL MEET HER WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT?

OKAY LADIES A BIG PORTION OF THIS STORY IS MISSING
ASIDE FROM HIS LACK OF CONTROL IN PARENTING..
I FEEL LIKE IF I HAVENT MET HER UNTIL NOW
IM NOT GOING TO MEET VER BEFORE THIS BABY
EDD:3/16/12
AM I WRONG FOR FEELING LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP
ISNT SERIOUS BECAUSE IM HAVING THAT LITTLE GIRLS SISTER
WHY WOULDNT YOU WANT ALL THE PEOPLE IMPORTANT IN
YOUR LIFE TO MEET EACH OTHER?
THE ONLY REASON I CAN THINK OF WHY I HAVEN'T
MET HER IS BECAUSE IM NOT SPECIAL IN HIS LIFE
N HE PLANS ON DEALING WITH US ALL FRK.
A DISTANCE AND NEVER TOGETHER
THATS NOT WHAT I WANT FOR MY DAUGHTER
SHE DOESNT DESERVE THAT BECAUSE HER
FATHER WAS SCARED OF HIS BABYMOM
OR BECAUSE A 12 YR OLD COULDN'T
HANDLE THE FACT SHES NOT THE ONLY
CHILD FOR HER DAD ANYMORE.
BECAUSE SHE ALREADY MINIPULATES
HER MOTHERS PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE
FACT THE MOTHER HAD A BABY IN A RECENT RELATIONSHIP
"SAYING THE MOTHER TREATS THE BABY BETTER THAN HER"
NOW THE MOTHER ISNT WITH THE GUY ANYMORE.
I Want my family including her to be apart of it
but i don't see it happening with discipline
love and understanding.
Any advice on how to move forward pregnant until
i have the baby.
and what i need to tell him
i feel like i have a legitimate reason
to. of want to be in this relationship anymore
i rather save myself n my child early.

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
owl0210
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 1:58 PM

How long have you been together? Is this a long distance relationship? It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. You should know your boyfriend's family before getting pregnant.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:12 PM

Well, when I met my ex he already was a father - to a three year old.  He told me his ex left him for another man.  That was nearly 30 year ago.  My ex never told our own DD that he had fathered another child (a daughter).  Nor did he ever mention the fact that he was married before.  Yes, I could have told her, but in the course of our marriage my ex told me he wanted to keep that a 'secret' and that it was 'best' to never tell our DD she had a half-sister.  Then my ex went and had an affair and fathered two kids with his mistress.  They both kept this a secret from me until six days before my ex deployed to Kuwait.  SO, my ex likes to keep secrets and does a good job at it.  I have also kept a secret, but in fairness, my ex should have told our DD about his past.  He didn't want to tell her I'm sure because of not being a father to his own child.  Simply walking out on his own child's life.   Today, my ex has literally alienated himself from our own DD.  It's because of his affair, fathering two kids behind our backs, and the never ending money problems he has.  My DD is 18 and can decide what kind of a relationship she wants with her father.  However, I have intervened and stated many times that the half-siblings she now has because of her father's indiscretions won't be accepted.  Any kind of relationship with these half-siblings and she simply disrespects me.   Nor will I accept any kind of relationship with the mistress my ex is now married to.  The mistress could have and should have told me of her affair and most importantly giving birth to these kids while I was married to my ex.  The mistress decided to keep it a secret.  My DD and I even met this mistress a few years ago.  My feelings are this - had my ex and the mistress told me of their disgusting behavior BEFORE these kids were even created I would look differently on the kids.  And, really, had the two scumbags told me WHILE they were seeing each other that something was going on I would still be holding firm on a relationship with my DD.  Yes, the kids born out of wedlock are innocent in all of this, but my respect and my DD's respect wasn't even thought about.  The line was drawn years ago (three to be exact). 

In your case, you want to come clean.  Your bf doesn't.  That should speak volumes to you. 

dahlya21
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Quoting owl0210:

How long have you been together? Is this a long distance relationship? It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. You should know your boyfriend's family before getting pregnant.




IM SORRY,
i wasn't in detail....
WE ARENT LONG DISTANCE
I HAVE MET HIS WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY EXCEPT
HIS DAUGHTER.
HE CURRENTLY IS RENOVATING A HOUSR FOR
THE BABY AND I AND HIMSELF...
BUT THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO
DO WITH THIS ISSUE AT HAND IF ANYTHING
IT MAKES IT MORE UNCLEAR
Robsessed98
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:36 PM

You said his dd had a problem because her mom recently had a baby and she felt neglected. It could be that she is really having a hard time and he doesn't want to add to it yet. What do you mean by his lack of control in parenting? I would probably be concerned about it if I were you, but you've let him know how it makes you feel, so don't harp on it. There could very well be more to the story than you know. Like it or not, she's his daughter and when you meet is his decision to make.

dahlya21
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:03 PM
Quoting Robsessed98:

You said his dd had a problem because her mom recently had a baby and she felt neglected. It could be that she is really having a hard time and he doesn't want to add to it yet. What do you mean by his lack of control in parenting? I would probably be concerned about it if I were you, but you've let him know how it makes you feel, so don't harp on it. There could very well be more to the story than you know. Like it or not, she's his daughter and when you meet is his decision to make.



So. if it were you?
your basically saying you would have no
problem with it
and your child would be a secret
and you'd be hurt about it
in order to save a child from accepting
life. And obviously that is his child
that's why im concerned about her feelings
thanks for your advice but time
with holding something important wont help the situation.
Robsessed98
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:05 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not saying I agree with him at all. It's weird and makes no obvious sense at all. Yes, I would absolutely be hurt and concerned. You've told him how important it is to you, so he is aware that you are hurt and confused. If he refuses to explain his reasoning in spite of knowing how hurt you are, I would be giving him and the relationship a serious second thought. But, if he doesn't explain his reasoning and it's not a deal breaker for you, what can you do other than accept his decision to wait? You can't force him to introduce you. The only option I see is to either respect his decision and wait, or give him an ultimatum and be prepared to walk if he won't do it.

Quoting dahlya21:

Quoting Robsessed98:

You said his dd had a problem because her mom recently had a baby and she felt neglected. It could be that she is really having a hard time and he doesn't want to add to it yet. What do you mean by his lack of control in parenting? I would probably be concerned about it if I were you, but you've let him know how it makes you feel, so don't harp on it. There could very well be more to the story than you know. Like it or not, she's his daughter and when you meet is his decision to make.



So. if it were you?
your basically saying you would have no
problem with it
and your child would be a secret
and you'd be hurt about it
in order to save a child from accepting
life. And obviously that is his child
that's why im concerned about her feelings
thanks for your advice but time
with holding something important wont help the situation.


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:41 PM

 sounds like you are being kept a secret.

Jennyanne322
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:49 PM
How long were you with him before getting pregnant?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
dahlya21
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:19 AM
[quote name="faerie75" id="0"]

 sounds like you are being kept a secret.

[/quot

Yeah! i know right; from the babymother and child
but the rest of the family knows me and we all get along...
I mean i couldn't have explained everything stated above
but another odd thing is that his daughter
doesn't even go around his family
for behavior reasons I've heard.
im all for being a single mom its not
like im desperately going to stick this out
If he wants to be secretive..
than he can't have full access n respect
in my life either..
Who knows what he's really hiding or trying
to avoid.
i feel after 12 yrs babymother and child
never thought dad would move on
and now he's scared to be truthful
about the situation...
Because the whole family knows
im having a daughter except these 2???
lol. thanks for the feedback
its ashame the crap we women go through
and sometimes deal with
dahlya21
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:36 AM
Quoting Robsessed98:




Agree. And fully understand what your saying.
it def. can be a potential deal breaker
because him telling her now or later
she still has exhibited previous behavior
that says 9/10 times she react the same way.
and am i upset with her no, she's a child
is she spoiled and manipulative yes?
children can be.
If i want o continue a relationship until
"We" or maybe "she" gets over this
my dad finally has a girlfriend and a baby
she wont be happy, he wont be complete,
and i will still feel unhappy in my relationship.
Its sad!
But honestly i came to the conclusion
Its more about him being scared
of either child support after 12 yrs
or dealing with a potential jealous babymother
who he never told he had a girlfriend from
the beggining. and of course
he never had to because neither
I or anyone else he had been with
ever met her. I thank you
for taking time out to give me your outlook
it put things in perspective for me.
I can't say what i plan to do because this has come far enough
but i will say i need to prepare for
my daughter and clear my head to be able
to continue with a great pregnancy
and care for her happily as a newborn
regaurdless if her father is keeping "US"
a secret we will survive.
thanks. xoxo "s

P.S. were both "Robsessed" im just unfortunately in a bad space with my Rob
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)