Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Other Parent

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:29 AM
  • 13 Replies

I don't say things about my sons dad in front of him, but sometimes I wish he wasn't here. 

He thinks he is being a dad but is really just more like a friend then parent. My son sees his dad every other weekend, and 1 day aweek but never calls in between that time to see how he is doing. I have to call him but half the time my son doesn;t want to speak to him or see hime, my son is 7 years old. I want my son and his dad to have a good health relationship but it takes both ends to do that. My son just seems angry and gets into a rage after weekend at his dad, gets headaches and stomaches after being with dad. Part of it i think his dad has 5 kids my son is the oldest, and all other kids are ages under that. when its his weeekend he works more than he sees him. being a single parent is not easy I do my best at raising my kids and try and keep a roof over head trying to do all this with getting my degree and working 40 hours a week. I don't nag or bug him for $$$ its much more than that.... My dad has been a great role model as a dad but he's grandpa he needs hjis dad to step up and be a DAD. hes getting older and needs that strong role  model. Especial as a African american male. I try and be the mom and dad teach him respect and he kind to women and manners. His dad also is blind that his son has a disablity he does, and trying to get him to undstand it and gain knowledge about it is hard and a battle. UGH! I feel sometimes i am in win lose situation. I just want what is best for my child. I dont want him to be a static of the sterotype african american male i am trying but it takes to to raise and make a baby. sorry for long vent but it erks me ! 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:29 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:39 AM

(((hugs))) Its horrible that your son feels this way when he comes home. I know you want your son to have a relationship with his dad but it doesnt sound like your ds feels the same. Do you have to send him? Does your ex insist on having him? Maybe you could send him alittle less and see if that helps any. Maybe one day/night over the weekend instead of the whole weekend

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:53 AM

Its a court ordered visiation and hes set on that if it wasn't i wouldnt send him at all and he does insist on having because of court 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:56 AM

Is it possible for you to take your son to see a therapist? This way he has an outlet to discuss what makes him upset and angry about going to his father's. Also I know the your visitation is court order but any way that you can ask the dad to change it so that your son goes less often while he receive therapy and once your son is feeling better you can go back to the original order, this way you are asking it gives him an out and the court wont "technically " look bad upon his, if that is all he cares about.  As for trying to raise him right, yes he needs a role model but that role model does not have to be another man, you are trying to raise a good person, regardless of race or gender and no matter what that role model will never be his father as there relationship doesn't seem to be a priority for his dad. I"m not saying give up completely on the father and son relationship but be more real in  your expectations. Get your son some help and you may see a completely different child in a few months and just keep doing what you are doing, keep showing him how to be a good person, tell him what your expectation are for his future, set goals for yourself and for him. It's hard because I have a son and his father hasn't been around much and I worried about a raising a good man until my mother told me that my responsibility as a mother was to raise a good person, one that is humble, graceful, passionate and intelligent with good moral standards. Best advice I have received.

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:51 PM

That is a major need for concern-if your son gets headaches and stomaches from seeing his father. Have you considered therapy for your child?

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:52 PM

He see's a therepist and see's one at school 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:55 PM

What does the therapist say that causes these anxiety issues?  Perhaps the father should be seeing the therapist, too. 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:15 PM

They have said the anxiety that he is going to in trouble because of issue during the week at school. his dad is poor communicator when comes to him or school 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:49 PM
:( poor kid. I think maybe not seeing his dad is best
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:21 PM

 i understand your frustration and have been in your shoes. but the honest truth is, your life will greatly improve if you choose to not think much about what HE is doing. until he places a kid at risk, you have no control. you can only control what goes on in your own house/life. focus on you and your kid and try to not pay him any mind as much as possible.

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:41 AM

Be grateful your child has two males in his life that love him and are actively involved. Between that and the great job you're doing as a mom, he's already leaps and bounds ahead of a lot of kids out there! 

Is there any way you could encourage him to take just a couple hours a week to have one-on-one time with his son? I grew up in a house with 6 kids and that's a lot of chaos. Maybe his personality just doesn't respond well to that. :)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)