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Hes amazing!!! Will it ever change?

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:02 AM
  • 19 Replies

I am so tired of my ex always being the hero!!! My ds and dd think he walks on water. I struggle everyday to raise them and he does the bare minimum but he is just amazing!! When will they finally see him for the POS that he is? Everyone says dont bad mouth him to the kids (which I will admit I do do sometimes, I try really hard not to but sometimes things slip out) that they will see on their own as they get bigger. My ds is 10 almost 11 and with everything that has happened you would think he would start to see things already but he always sides with his dad. Their dad has bailed on them several times (most recent time didnt get them for over 2 months) but when hes ready to get them, they are so happy and cant wait to spend time with him. He lived really close to us for over 2 years but wouldnt spend any extra time with them and they would get so upset and cry to me but wont ever say anything to him. He makes them go to daycare everyday even though they dont want to, when he gets off of work early enough to pick them up from school everyday. He complains about having to pay $80 a week in child support for 2 kids, when he doesnt even pay any bills except car insur. and phone. When he does have the kids he does stuff with the kids he shouldnt and then tells them to lie to me and my son thinks this is ok because his dad said it was, luckily my daughter feels guilty about lying and will tell me. There is sooo much more, I could go on and on. Because I raise the kids and am with them all the time we fight or will have arguments and when we do my son will say that dad does everything for them and my daughter will say Im soooo mean and she wants her dad. I know this is just them trying to make me mad but geez when will it end? I know I cant tell them what a POS he is because it would just backfire on me and I will end up being the bad guy again but will they (atleast my son) see him for the POS he is anytime soon or will he grow up to be like him? Im so worried that his dad will influence him in a bad way

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
victoriahearts
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:26 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry but as single mothers I think we all deal with this at some point or another, I think the best you can do is keep being their mom, being there for them, raise them and disciplining them even if they don't like it. And when they say something like your mean and I wish I was a dad house, as calmly as possible say to them well I'm sorry but your not at your father's house, my house, my rules. You have x amount of days until your father pick you up you will be able to act this way there. Yes it wont bring you and satisfaction and your kids will probably be mad at you but eventually you will feel better for keep your cool and being the better person. As mom's we get the shitty part of being the one that disciplines without getting the reward but it's part of being a parent.

breebree04
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:53 AM

 Thanks. I wouldnt really mind being the bad person/parent for now as long as I knew one day it was going to pay off. Are they going to realize one day that I struggled to raise them and be the best parent that I could while he did the bare minimum and left it all up to me? I hope one day they realize this

Quoting victoriahearts:

I'm sorry but as single mothers I think we all deal with this at some point or another, I think the best you can do is keep being their mom, being there for them, raise them and disciplining them even if they don't like it. And when they say something like your mean and I wish I was a dad house, as calmly as possible say to them well I'm sorry but your not at your father's house, my house, my rules. You have x amount of days until your father pick you up you will be able to act this way there. Yes it wont bring you and satisfaction and your kids will probably be mad at you but eventually you will feel better for keep your cool and being the better person. As mom's we get the shitty part of being the one that disciplines without getting the reward but it's part of being a parent.


 

victoriahearts
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:07 PM


That one day may not come until they are adults or even parents themselves, which is why being a parent is the most under appericiated job.

Quoting breebree04:

 Thanks. I wouldnt really mind being the bad person/parent for now as long as I knew one day it was going to pay off. Are they going to realize one day that I struggled to raise them and be the best parent that I could while he did the bare minimum and left it all up to me? I hope one day they realize this

Quoting victoriahearts:

I'm sorry but as single mothers I think we all deal with this at some point or another, I think the best you can do is keep being their mom, being there for them, raise them and disciplining them even if they don't like it. And when they say something like your mean and I wish I was a dad house, as calmly as possible say to them well I'm sorry but your not at your father's house, my house, my rules. You have x amount of days until your father pick you up you will be able to act this way there. Yes it wont bring you and satisfaction and your kids will probably be mad at you but eventually you will feel better for keep your cool and being the better person. As mom's we get the shitty part of being the one that disciplines without getting the reward but it's part of being a parent.





breebree04
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:42 PM

 Very True!


Quoting victoriahearts:

 

That one day may not come until they are adults or even parents themselves, which is why being a parent is the most under appericiated job.

LauraMH
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:48 PM

I'm in the same boat so no advice but I hope one day they will see.

breebree04
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:08 PM

I sure hope they do too, its sooo frustrating!


Quoting LauraMH:

I'm in the same boat so no advice but I hope one day they will see.


 

LauraMH
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:35 PM

It's beyond frustrating!!


Quoting breebree04:

I sure hope they do too, its sooo frustrating!

 

Quoting LauraMH:

I'm in the same boat so no advice but I hope one day they will see.

 

 


 

Stephd710
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:27 PM
1 mom liked this

They will see it.  My ex was like that towards the kids he had with his first wife when we were married (i didnt find out till later because he pretty much lied and told me she was keeping them away or I would have made him step up).  They were 1,3, 5, and 7 when I met their dad.  They are now 11, 14, 16, and 18.  I would say in the past 5 years or so, they have all come to realize what a POS he it.  Especially after he and I divorced and they realized it was ME all along that was making him keep a relationship with them.  They no longer want any contact with him and he doesnt try to contact them either.  I, on the other hand, still am involved with them and they are a part of mine and my daughters lives.  It may suck now, but I had a conversation with his ex and she said the same things you did.  She was mad their whole childhood because they looked at him like a god when he would finally show up.  She said this last summer, they finally came to her and apologized and told her they realize all she sacrificed and how absent their father had actually been.  It will happen, it will just take time. 

breebree04
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:28 AM

 Thanks for sharing, that gives me some hope


Quoting Stephd710:

They will see it.  My ex was like that towards the kids he had with his first wife when we were married (i didnt find out till later because he pretty much lied and told me she was keeping them away or I would have made him step up).  They were 1,3, 5, and 7 when I met their dad.  They are now 11, 14, 16, and 18.  I would say in the past 5 years or so, they have all come to realize what a POS he it.  Especially after he and I divorced and they realized it was ME all along that was making him keep a relationship with them.  They no longer want any contact with him and he doesnt try to contact them either.  I, on the other hand, still am involved with them and they are a part of mine and my daughters lives.  It may suck now, but I had a conversation with his ex and she said the same things you did.  She was mad their whole childhood because they looked at him like a god when he would finally show up.  She said this last summer, they finally came to her and apologized and told her they realize all she sacrificed and how absent their father had actually been.  It will happen, it will just take time. 


 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

hugs!!

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