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Not following custody agreement. UPDATE

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:53 PM
  • 83 Replies
3 moms liked this
What can be done if the other parent refuses to follow basic custody agreement terms, but demands that you do?



Here is my situation. My son is almost four and his father and I split up when he was four months old, divorce was finalized in 2010. Since then we have been in court several time because he keeps trying to take sole custody of my son, but the courts refuse to let this happen. He refuses to follow the basic information agreements in our order. Won't provide me with name and address of child care providers, when he take his to the doctor, he is also supposed to keep insurance for our son and twice in the past year and a half has cancelled his insurance and not even told me. He is also supposed to tell me when he get a new job, raise etc and in thesame time frame has changed jobs twice as well without telling me.



He demands that I provide him with child care info, dr name and when he has appointments, all of which I have always done. I also notify him if I change jobs and give him updated contact info for my job.



On top of all that he is telling my son that he is going to have a new mommy (his girlfriend) and goes around telling everyone that she is my sons mother. He also tells him that my youngest son is not his brother and that he spends to much time with me and that he need to come and live with daddy. There are injunctions on al of these things in our agreement but he continues to do this stuff.



I'm at my wits end and just don't know what to do anymore.

UPDATE:

We just recently went to court and I had obtained another attorney because the first one did not do his job.
This is when I found out that he had not only changed jobs again but also cancelled our sons insurance. I have Medicaid for my son but at the time I get it I was under the impression that he still had the other insurance. Which could potentially cause problems for me so I have to talk to them about it. They also only gave me it for three months so by the end of march my son will be totally with our insurance again. My ex was informed at the hearing that he had to provide me with child care information etc but he has yet to do so.

I have read through all the replies and just want to thank you ladies for all the help. I am documenting EVERYTHING from here on out and am saving my pennies so that I can take him back to court in the near future on contempt charges. I am also looking to find my son a therapist to help work through some behavior issues stemming from all of this. Hopefully I can find one that would be willing to testify on my behalf. I will ask my attorney about getting a guardian ad litem assigned to our case for my so a sake.

Right now tho it is just a waiting game until I have enough proof and money to go back to court.

As to the not following court orders on my end, I know that that would be detrimental to my case so that is just not an option. I want to go in with clean hands, and my son does love his father so I don't want to jeopardize their relationship, even if he is a complete asshat.

Thanks for taking the time to respond it is greatly appreciated!
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by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kisses4you
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:59 PM
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What is your current agreement? Do you both have joint physical and legal? 

First off he is not allowed to be talking to your son saying those things... The law guardian will have a serious issue with this and for that making a trip back to court might help (just to put it on the record) and advise the court that he is not following current order and it needs to be amended. Bring all those things up in court and advise them you just want stability for your son and that this is effecting him and you. Do you have a lawyer?

BennyBaby09
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:06 PM
Our current agreement is 1,3,5 Friday to Tuesday and 2,4 Mondays over night. We split major holidays and I am primary custodian and have exclusive rights as far as dr, school etc go.

It has been brought up in court but nothing is ever done except for tell him to comply, which he doesn't. My lawyer has tried and still nothing is rig done. He thinks he can make demands and tell me what to do and does not have to follow the order himself.

They won't terminate his rights or anything unless he does something severe, neglect, abuse etc so that isn't even an option. It's just frustrating that he goes and cancels insurance, pays child support only if he feels like it and doesn't tell me anything. I'm trying to do the right thing and give him info and work with him on deciding thig for our son, even tho I don't have to and all he does is demand demand and belittle me.
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BennyBaby09
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:07 PM
We also had a social study done but they only went to the house one day for like an hour and they say that because my son is so young they can't take his testimony seriously because he could be making it up.
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3gr8tKids
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Request a hearing before the judge.
BennyBaby09
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:10 PM
We have before and they didn't do anything. Besides that I can't really afford the court costs and attny fees right now. :( I'm just documenting everything and saving up money and prof until I can afford to take him back. I'm just so frustrated with the whole thing.
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Kisses4you
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:13 PM

Yea i would be very frustrated too... How often does he miss visits?... Did you agree on that visitation schedule initially or was it court ordered?

BennyBaby09
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:16 PM
Sadly he rarely misses a visitation. Mostly because I have to take my son to his dad. The visitation is court ordered, it's extended standard, but the days are shifted because of HIS work/school schedule.
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:23 PM
4 moms liked this
Just do everything by the court order yourself. Document everything. Eventually it will bite him in the ass. It always catches up to them. Just never as fast as it should. My ex was like that and FINALLY the judge basically told him to quit the excuses and the kids were old enough to testify if he kept pushing it. That was 3 yrs ago and we haven't been back. Trust me courts/ judges will get tired of the games. Just do what you are supposed to and take the high road .
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BennyBaby09
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:27 PM
Thanks. I am trying to take the high road, it's just so hard sometimes. I don't talk about my sons father in front of him, give him all the info I'm supposed to etc, trying to keep clean hands for when we go back to court. I just wish the courts would look past the fact that he was military and automatically assume he is a person of character an see him do the douche that he really is.


Quoting conniejo75:

Just do everything by the court order yourself. Document everything. Eventually it will bite him in the ass. It always catches up to them. Just never as fast as it should. My ex was like that and FINALLY the judge basically told him to quit the excuses and the kids were old enough to testify if he kept pushing it. That was 3 yrs ago and we haven't been back. Trust me courts/ judges will get tired of the games. Just do what you are supposed to and take the high road .

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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:33 PM
5 moms liked this
I have been dealing with my ex for 16 years... at one point we were in court every 6 months and each of those were 2-3 months process with mediation and judge. Finally the judge appointed a lawyer for the kids and even that took 3 court dates before my ex realized he was SOL at that point. Kids get to an age where they respect the parent that is doing the right thing. My kids saw through his lies years ago.


Quoting BennyBaby09:

Thanks. I am trying to take the high road, it's just so hard sometimes. I don't talk about my sons father in front of him, give him all the info I'm supposed to etc, trying to keep clean hands for when we go back to court. I just wish the courts would look past the fact that he was military and automatically assume he is a person of character an see him do the douche that he really is.




Quoting conniejo75:

Just do everything by the court order yourself. Document everything. Eventually it will bite him in the ass. It always catches up to them. Just never as fast as it should. My ex was like that and FINALLY the judge basically told him to quit the excuses and the kids were old enough to testify if he kept pushing it. That was 3 yrs ago and we haven't been back. Trust me courts/ judges will get tired of the games. Just do what you are supposed to and take the high road .


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