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Would it be cruel of me to publish this?

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:35 AM
  • 11 Replies

As therapy after ex left I began writing a book.  The book is a story about marital breakdown coupled with a house "falling apart" and how the woman built herself back up while restoring the house.  It's based on my marriage and scenes in it are exactly what happened but it IS a work of fiction (especially since my house still has no kitchen cupboards and half a bathroom, lol) 

I mentioned to a few people that I wanted to try and get it published once I'm done and got mixed reviews to that.  Some friends said it may be unfair to ex since it's like I'm putting his infidelity and the way he treated me on public display.  I'll have the usual "this is fiction.  No characters are intended to represent anyone in real life" waiver at the beginning but to anyone who knows us it's going to be pretty damn obvious that I didn't pull the story out of thin air.  

In a way I want him to be hurt by it and I hope he reads it because I'd like him to really see what he did to me.  But another part of me thinks that I don't want him being hurt because his family and friends read the story and put 2 and 2 together.  

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
juniebug11
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:37 AM
Bump !
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:53 AM
I am assuming you use different names? Writers, poets, song writers all use personal experiences as influences. If it is good enough to be published, hell ya you should!
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amylee88
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:32 AM
I think you should maybe don't use real names but u def should good luck on ur decision
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Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:37 AM
Kewl! I write in journals. I know not the same thing. I told the girls they could read it after im dead.
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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Look at musicians who wrote songs about exes but never revealed who or the public speculated who. As long as names are changed and you follow the right criteria go for it.
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easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:04 AM

I think as long as you don't use real names, towns, and put the disclaimer and feel its good enough to be published that you should do it!

PoplarGrove
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:52 AM

Thanks.  No, there's no real names and the characters have different children than I do.  It's not that the public would know but our friends and family would.  

Should it ever go to print I'll let everyone know, lol.  It'll be a while.  I won't be doing anything till there's an official divorce agreement so he can't turn into a dick.  

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:24 AM
Agreed!

Quoting easinpc:

I think as long as you don't use real names, towns, and put the disclaimer and feel its good enough to be published that you should do it!

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victoriahearts
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:26 AM

I'm a PR manager and I can tell you from personal experience that you have to be careful even with a disclaimer that can still open yourself up to lawsuits. If any one person in the book can show that there are similarities as well as if they call people up to the stand and they say yes the book does in fact mirror her real life or they though it was about your life and divorce, your ex can win a portion of your sales if it ever got published, even if ti didn't get published it can open yourself for a personal lawsuit. I know it sounds like I'm being a Debbie downer but I have just seen it with so many people that I would hate to see something that you want to succeed go wrong. Best advice is to make enough changes it it's clearly based on fiction with just minor influences of your real life or get a waiver from you stbx which may not be likely but you could always try. Bes of luck.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:42 AM

I've been told by many of my friends and family members that I could easily write a memoir of my life with my ex and make it into a Lifetime movie.  I did spend 26 years with my ex.  Both good and miserable years.  But, what my story boils down to is the co-dependency I lived through while being married to my ex.  Yrs of emotional and verbal abuse along with some good times although the bad outweigh the good.  My life story is so complex and my divorce has been a story that not a lot of my friends and family can't even get over.  I know if I were to send in my life story to a publisher or even to Lifetime I would have to change the name of my ex and some family members.   But, the people that were in my story are in my life and they certainly wouldn't mind using their input as they were a big part of my marriage.  Also, there is nothing negative they did that would cause harm to them.  Although I would have to get their approval to use them as a part of my story. 

I say go for it, too.  Perhaps both of us will be famous someday and/or our stories will actually be a positive thing to other women that have come out of bad marriages and are surviving.

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