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Is a move justified?

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:38 PM
  • 12 Replies

 

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Question: Would you initiate a move?

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My family lives 3 hours away, I have no support where I currently live. I have stayed here so DD7 could be close to her Dad. Ex is very irresponsible. He is 30K behind in CS, has not had a real job in 4 years, his parents gave him the $$ to buy a hole in the wall bar and that is where he works. He was an executive making six figures when we were married.

On the days I work he comes over and gets DD to school, (before care does not open early enough for her to go there).  

Twice in the past 6 months Ex has failed to show up so I could leave for work.  I had to take DD to work with me until I could call her paternal grandparents to come get her, made me late for work both times. A classmate's mother offered to let me bring DD over there on the days I work at 6 am and the girls can catch the bus. Awesome, right??? He doesn't want me to take her. Says paying her raise will his CS (which he does not pay).

I meet with my attorney on Friday to address moving and contempt for failure to pay CS. If am allowed to move I would be near my parents, bro, sis and their spouses, all who would help out. This will have to go through the courts, not even sure they will allow me to move.

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:40 PM

 in your case i would give it a try. they might or might not. if he was active and not half ass id say it wasnt fair.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:40 PM

 you can try bargaining w him. maybe lower his support and offer to pay all transport?

Nena70
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:58 PM

Good luck.... i hope you get to move . it will be better for you.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:17 PM

I would move if I were in your situation.  Good luck to you. 

Lurion
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry you're in this tough situation.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's doing enough wrong for a court to approve you moving. Especially if you don't have a specific job offer. Even if he isn't the best father, you will effectively be taking him out of your daughter's day-to-day life. That's no light thing. Although the support for you and extended family would be nice. 

If you do stay, you should propose a change to the agreement so you're not depending on him in the morning. Add it to the CS and keep a log of how many times he hasn't shown. Sorry, but twice in 6 months doesn't sound that terrible to me. I'd guess most people have been late to work or had something come up twice in a 6 month period. 

Go full force after the arrears in CS.

Building a single mommy support system 2 or 3 deep is a necessity. And it's much less stressful than counting on a man who's unreliable. 

Best of luck :) 


TDMumof3
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:00 PM
If he's suppose to help you by being there when you have to leave for work then I'd move caused you'd risk loosing ur job your only income for some one that doesn't care. Gl

Quoting Nena70:

Good luck.... i hope you get to move . it will be better for you.

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Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:27 AM

You probably need court permission but since he does not pay support you can argue you are moving due to a financial hardship. How does he get away with owing that muich support? i would file contempt and ask for legal fees. What a jerk.

spotsmom
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:43 AM

I would give him another chance and the very next time he doesn't show I would make other arrangements with the classmate, end of. At that point you've been more than fair, but can't afford (quite literally) to be late repeatedly  because he refuses to be responsible. And just remind him that "making his child support go up" is moot, since he doesn't pay it. The gall of him to even bring it up! Moving may not be the best solutuon; as useless as he sounds it's better that she be able to have a relationship with him.

PoplarGrove
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:49 AM

If you can prove that a move would help you financially and improve your daugher's quality of life the courts might let you, especially if he's not paying child support. 

Being late twice in 6 months isn't that horrendous.  If it were once a month that would be different.  

teamwilson
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 5:34 AM
If he's not helping enough and its affecting your job and you need more help just move. I know court says you have to be approved but you do what you have to do. If they say you should not have moved show them his 30k he hasn't paid and let them enforce that money. Don't loose your job because he's irresponsible.
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