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what would you do?.. to pursue or not

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:00 AM
  • 8 Replies

 

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Question: request test or leave it alone?

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so i was with this man for the past two yrs. he helped me raise my son and we had an okay relationship. i got pregnant and he got very upset but stayed until half way through my pregnancy. at that point we got into a huge fight and were not able to reconcile.. he still continued to insist he would take care of his child etc until she was born.. she's a month old and he's never seen her and now he insists she's not his and ignores all my communication. he's also from africa and said he's going back there. i live in the us and am frightened hell take her over there somehow if i involve him.. however, i do want him to know she is his.. i'm wondering if i should request a dna test so hell know she's his.. (i don't plan on pursuing child support at this point). however, when the test comes back hell likely file for visitation/custody.. and what he will do after that scares me as hes very vengeful and spiteful and it seems everything he does now is done to cause extreme hurt to me and my son.. should i just leave it alone and let him go on denying her or push for a test, evemn with the consequences?

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:00 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Kaya529
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this
In this case I would not get the DNA test done.
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HyperMom38
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:17 AM

Leave it alone.  As things stand right now he is not in her life and since you describe him as someone who is vengeful and spiteful it is probably better that way.  Truthfully, if I could do things over my DDs sperm donor wouldn't know a thing about her!  It's a can of worms that is best left unopened.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:03 PM

As much as you think it's best for your child to know who her father is, I would also leave the DNA test alone.  Your ex is in Africa and the likelihood of him returning claiming this child will be remote unless you move.  He does know where you live.  Let him look you up if he wants to know his own flesh and blood.  From what you tell us, your ex is better off living far away from you and his child.  You will find a better suited father for your DD.  She deserves the best in life.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:09 PM

 why bother if you arent trying for child support... he knows she is his hes just being an ass. let him say what he wants, who cares.

mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:48 PM

I wouldn't pursue it if he's not planning on staying here. If he has proof she's his and he does pursue custody/visitation things could get ugly. Would he ask for her to visit him in Africa? I have a hard time that my son's an hour away when he visits his dad. If you're not going for support do you really want to open that can?

mmpdrs07
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:59 PM

From reading what you have written I say let him go on back to Africa and don't push a DNA test.  If he doesn't want to be a part of her life that's his own choice.  Like PP said you don't want child support and by proving with a DNA test that she belongs to him he may fight for her and end up with visitation rights and then you would always have the worry of something happening.  

PeaceLoveZ
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:07 PM

 I would leave it alone for fear of him trying to take her to another country. You say he does stuff to hurt you and your son, I def would not push the issue and good riddens to him.

SpurgeonMom
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:17 PM
i wouldn't get the test. i had a lack of judgment moment 2 Weeks ago and i'm hoping i'm not pregnant but there is that worry and if i am no the father will not know
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