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Tough moment, just want to share

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:33 PM
  • 18 Replies

So, my son asked me to teach him how to tie a tie - over an our ago, and I got SO stressed out about it. My son is 12 and he's him. Good kid - no complaints. It's me. I get so impatient with him sometimes when I am showing him something. He is good at computerized stuff, but anything with coordination, it's going to be a while.

I want to stop smoking weed, for many reasons, but I was so tempted to go light up a joint because I felt myself about to pop. I didn't yell at him too bad but bad enought that I felt horrible. Part of me just wanted to walk away and tell him to figure it out for himself, the other part of me wanted to just do it and not take the time to teach him. But I knew both options were not beneficial, so I sat there, showed him, then walked away to let him figure it out for himself. I walked out to my car, right to light it up, but I didn't. I just went outside and walked back into the house.

I apologized to my son. I started to make excuses but just apologized. I really didn't mean to yell at him and make an experience that should be good a stressful one.

I just want to cry. Sometimes, I think it's too much. My son is good. Even if he wasn't, I still want to be in it. But sometimes, I feel like I need that help. God is with me...I just needed to vent

Oh, he learned to tie the tie :-)

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Robsessed98
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:13 PM

It can get really frustrating teaching kids how to do things. Guess you don't need me to tell you though that you need to find another way to deal with the stress. Good job not lighting up! If you want to smoke a joint, that's cool. I personally see nothing wrong with it, but do it on your own time, not your kids. It's never ok to get stoned when your kid is present period. You also need to remember that if you get caught with the weed, someone else will be teaching your child how to do the things his mother needs to teach him...

Braylen1215
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:34 PM

Do you have any male family members around? Or a really cool next door neighbor or teacher that can teach him how to tie a necktie? He's 12, so it maybe time to enroll him in a male mentoring program such as the Boys/Girls club, or check with your church.  I know that it's hard to trust some adults with your kids these days, but you can also let him watch Youtube videos that can demonstrate how to tie a necktie and bow tie. Good luck! BTW: You're an adult now who is responsible for a precious gift, don't disappoint him and do drugs. Things like these, kids will never forget or forgive. Good luck to you & your son!

Mama_Gillogley
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:43 PM

i too am having a difficult time with weed- same context. you know that there are new studies showing that weed CAUSES panic attacks? i'm into medical stuff and on the surface weed is relatively harmless, but i think it is very mentally addictive especially when you are freaking out and know that it will calm you down. i've quit hundreds of times, and weed helped me to stop smoking cigarettes which are much more harmful to your body. so, just know that you are not alone in wanting to smoke when you get frustrated with your kid. hell, my siblings BEG ME to smoke because of my ptsd/anxiety/weed dependency, i get super worked up. have you tried concentrated breathing when you get anxious like that? it helps me sometimes to just get alone and focus on my breathing. *hugs* your post made me feel like i'm not alone, so thanks. :)

bahamamama61
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:27 AM
Yes, you ladies are not alone:)
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs to you, mama.  Having an addiction is hard to give up.  I come from a long line of alcholic abuse.  My step-dad and my older brother were/still are heavy drinkers.  I grew up with my step-dad having anger problems because he decided to drink too much after dinner and took out his frustrations on life (his job their marriage) on my mom and we kids.  My older brother started to drink when I was a teenager.  He even asked me for money when he was broke.  I gave it to him not even knowing I was helping him with his addiction - getting more alcohol.  My mom found him passed out with lit cigarettes between his fingers many times when he lived with her.  He was in his late 20's at the time.  Scared her to death thinking he would burn the entire house down.  My step-dad has given up on drinking because my mom weened him off of his bad habit.  She's a miracle worker.  She is trying to get my brother to AA, but he won't go.  He's 56 yrs old and lives alone. 

If there was a way for you to get help from a local church that would be more beneficial not only to you but especially for your kids.  You don't want to light up even if you are alone.  You will be high around them and not focused enough.  Your kids will start to wonder what is wrong with their mom.  You shouldn't make anymore excuses to your son.  Live in reality.  Try and seek a Christian counselor.  They are free at a lot of your local churches.  God is with you. Reach out for his help.

ChgIsGood2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:52 AM

 


Quoting Robsessed98:

It can get really frustrating teaching kids how to do things. Guess you don't need me to tell you though that you need to find another way to deal with the stress. Good job not lighting up! If you want to smoke a joint, that's cool. I personally see nothing wrong with it, but do it on your own time, not your kids. It's never ok to get stoned when your kid is present period. You also need to remember that if you get caught with the weed, someone else will be teaching your child how to do the things his mother needs to teach him...

Very true, which is why I have made the decision to leave it alone alltogether. I have to stop thinking of my own welfare. Think I would get that after 12 years, but I still have work to be done in me. Thanks for pointing that out though and taking the time to respond :-)

 

Robsessed98
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:58 AM

I fully understand. I dealt with a little drug issue when my oldest was little. It's tough, but you've gotta think of the big picture now. Good luck.

Quoting ChgIsGood2012:



Quoting Robsessed98:

It can get really frustrating teaching kids how to do things. Guess you don't need me to tell you though that you need to find another way to deal with the stress. Good job not lighting up! If you want to smoke a joint, that's cool. I personally see nothing wrong with it, but do it on your own time, not your kids. It's never ok to get stoned when your kid is present period. You also need to remember that if you get caught with the weed, someone else will be teaching your child how to do the things his mother needs to teach him...

Very true, which is why I have made the decision to leave it alone alltogether. I have to stop thinking of my own welfare. Think I would get that after 12 years, but I still have work to be done in me. Thanks for pointing that out though and taking the time to respond :-)



ChgIsGood2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:11 PM

 


Quoting Braylen1215:

Do you have any male family members around? Or a really cool next door neighbor or teacher that can teach him how to tie a necktie? He's 12, so it maybe time to enroll him in a male mentoring program such as the Boys/Girls club, or check with your church.  I know that it's hard to trust some adults with your kids these days, but you can also let him watch Youtube videos that can demonstrate how to tie a necktie and bow tie. Good luck! BTW: You're an adult now who is responsible for a precious gift, don't disappoint him and do drugs. Things like these, kids will never forget or forgive. Good luck to you & your son!


 Hi Braylen,

 I have a brother who is 28 and an Uncle on my mom's side who are the closest to me physical distance-wise, but they are both uninvolved for the most part. My brother is doing what he wants to do (lives with mom, drinks a lot, has a sorry gf who mooches off of him as much as she can, though my brother works part time making chump change) and at one point, he was starting to spend time with Tony (taking him to the skate park), but now I find my brother to not be  good influence - he is rough and abusive (he and Tony share a mutual enjoymen for martial arts, but my brother is so harsh with Tony when sparring that I just can't stand it anymore). It has been put on my heart to talk with him though.

My uncle, he lived with us at one point (2009-2011) and Tony enjoyed it. But when my uncle went on the road (to be a truck driver); when he came back into town, he went to my mom's house and has lived with her since. He won't come back to my house. It hurts my feelings a bit, but I can understand why - I am very strict with people and what they do in my house. No adult can come here and not clean up after themselves and his girlfriend wanted to come over whenever she wanted to. I wasn't always kind to him.  I enjoyed him here for the most part and it's unfortunate that he did not feel comfortable with coming back here. He was on drugs for over ten years and got clean at this church/house place; so when he came back in the 'free world' and lived with me, I stayed on him so that he would stay focused and do something with his life (not get complacent and get to work). Anyway, when he was living here, he was that male figure that Tony needed....

Tony's dad hasn't seen him since Christmas 2012...the reason we aren't together is because I broke up with him because I wasn't ready for a family. I was 16 when I got pregnant. I know, stupid and I was selfish. This I am all too aware of and live with every day. If I knew then what I know now, I would have stayed with him. He's a good man.

My dad is in my life, but not in Tony's. Has never been. Not once has my dad spent time with Tony, alone - ok, maybe or 10 or 15 minutes. My dad wasn't in my life regularly until I became an adult. My dad left my mom when I was one year old and lived his life a he saw fit. Then he up and left and moved out of state. I have uncles on my dad's side, but none of them are involved like that...

I have family, but I live close to none of them. Sigh

I have thought about getting Tony into the Big Brother program because he needs that male influence now more than ever. As far as church, we do belong to a church and we haven't been going much but we both know (Tony and me) that we ned to be there more often. So I hope with the regular attendance, we will meet who we need to meet.

He did watch the youtube video. He told me he would get it but  kept wanting to show him, I guess because, I don't know...

Totally agree with you on the responsibility :-). I am getting the weed out of my house today!

 

 

ChgIsGood2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:18 PM

 


Quoting Mama_Gillogley:

i too am having a difficult time with weed- same context. you know that there are new studies showing that weed CAUSES panic attacks? i'm into medical stuff and on the surface weed is relatively harmless, but i think it is very mentally addictive especially when you are freaking out and know that it will calm you down. i've quit hundreds of times, and weed helped me to stop smoking cigarettes which are much more harmful to your body. so, just know that you are not alone in wanting to smoke when you get frustrated with your kid. hell, my siblings BEG ME to smoke because of my ptsd/anxiety/weed dependency, i get super worked up. have you tried concentrated breathing when you get anxious like that? it helps me sometimes to just get alone and focus on my breathing. *hugs* your post made me feel like i'm not alone, so thanks. :)

Hey Mama_Gillogley :-),

 *hugs*Thank you for your post. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in this, but I know I'm not, well because I'm human and many of us face the same temptations. But when someone else comes and tell me that they ave been there, then I know help is possible.

The night that I wrote the OP, going outside helped a lot. And I just kept breathing in and out until I felt calm. So I'm just going to keep finding healthier ways to deal with stress because as long as I live, stress will come, and I want to be able to overcome it in a healthy any that is also pleasing to my soul :-)

So cool that you mentioned weed causes panic attacks..yes! And I believe it. I read up on it too. I know when I would smoke, intially, I felt good. Then after some time, I felt like I was trippn out. But the addiction comes from the idea of that intial feeling being so good that the panic would be irrelevant.

 

ChgIsGood2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:31 PM

Thank you everyone for the posts. The encouragement and the correction is what I needed.

I know it's going to get better for me AND my son. He is the most important person in my life and I am just in a rough patch, but he is worth me doing so much better for.

I am going to counselor on Monday. He is Christian and I am going to see what he like. One day, about 6months ago, i went to my church and asked for a counselor, and the pastor brushed me off. At a place where I was so vulnerable, I felt even smaller when he directed me to someone else as if I bothered him at the wrong time. I can tell he knew he messed up, but I was so emotional that I just walked away. I'll try again.

I will keep you posted on everything. The best thing is that I know God's goodness. I know He is with me and Tony. And God bless all of you as you raise and love your children :-)

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