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feel like a terrible mom

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:10 AM
  • 10 Replies

So....I left my son's father when he was 4 months old, he's an alcoholic, and it took me having my son to realize I deserved better and more importantly, my son did.  I took a job transfer at the time and moved 530 miles away from family/support system.  My son and I are doing great, we love where we live and are happy.  However, he's three and throws tantrums, i get that.  But lately he fights to get dressed in the morning during the week.  Today, I just couldn't take it anymore.  I yelled at him, told him he needed to get dressed himself since he wouldn't let me help him and he just yelled back 'no, not yet, i don't want to get dressed yet'.  Mind you, this had already been going on for almost a half hour.  At one point I told him he needed to because he was really upsetting mommy.  I managed to get his pants on and he took them off and threw them. At which point i gave him a quick spanking, told him to get dressed and went to my room and cried till he, with tears in his eyes, yelled 'mommy I'm dressed'.  I feel like a terrible mom.  I don't like giving him spankings and rarely do, but I just couldn't keep arguing about it.  I know he's three and i know he's in the 'i want to do, but still need help and won't admit it' stage and he throws tantrums over nothing.  And i understand that, but sometimes, doing it on your own sucks.  I love my little guy unconditionally and wouldn't change anything...but it doesn't change that i feel like a terrible mom today.  then at daycare when i dropped him off he didn't want to let me go and it made me feel even worse for the events before we left the house 

frown mini toddler tantrum

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
breebree04
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:19 AM

aww, Ive had days like this too. I hated the crying when your leaving them at daycare thing! Mine only did it a couple times but it sucked really bad! It'll get better (((Hugs)))

bahamamama61
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:59 AM
2 moms liked this
Yes, it gets better:) An Congratulations for being a strong mother, an doing the 'Everyday Grind', without your sons' dad:)
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:03 AM
*hugs*
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mytrueloveS
by Lori on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:10 AM

It's not so bad, and you're no terrible mom.  I stuggle with my 5 year old to get dressed for school.  Sometimes I have to give him a spanking and drop him off at school mad.  

idunno1234
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:33 AM
3 moms liked this

You are right, doing it on our own sucks so please give yourself a break- you didn't justify what you did, you just admitted to it, realized why you did it and now you can move on.  Your son knows you love him.

We all have feelings of not measuring up sometimes because in spite of the sometimes ridiculously high expectations put on single parents these days who have to do it all on their own, we are, in fact, only human.

Kids push buttons and parents lose their cool.  Its how much parents lose their cool and what they do about it afterwards that makes all the difference.  Based on your post, I would say your son is one lucky little dude to have you.

Robsessed98
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome to the group. Kids that age (at all ages) can be difficult to deal with. Just grit your teeth and work your way through it. At the end of the day, the good times make the bad ones well worth it.

victoriahearts
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this

We all have those days, don't feel bad at all, that does not make your terrible mother, it just makes you the mother of a toddler, period.  I found that my son and I have less fights since starting a reward system, you may want to try it, it will help him be more excited to do daily things, buy a poster and stars, give him a star, for getting up without fighting, for getting dressed, eating breakfast, lunch or dinner, brush teeth, cleaning up room so on, once he gets to x amount of stars he gets a new toy or something he wants. I started doing this around 3 yrs old with son and I"m still doing it now that he is 5 yo, system has really worked for us. There are far less arguments because of this system and it's not like he gets big things he either,  mine is once he gets 50 stars, he can have a dollar car, an app for his ipad ( $1.99 or less),  dollar ice cream cone at McDonald's and so on.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Next time, rather than spanking or yelling at him, if he doesn't get dressed on his own, he will be going to the daycare and seeing his friends in his p.j.s  and make a smile.  That will change him.  When you get to daycare and he doesn't want to let go of you (partly because of separation anxiety?), to call out to one of his friends names or take him to that person. 

lizard11080
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 7:40 PM
Thanks ladies....and I will definitely try the rewards poster.


Quoting victoriahearts:

We all have those days, don't feel bad at all, that does not make your terrible mother, it just makes you the mother of a toddler, period.  I found that my son and I have less fights since starting a reward system, you may want to try it, it will help him be more excited to do daily things, buy a poster and stars, give him a star, for getting up without fighting, for getting dressed, eating breakfast, lunch or dinner, brush teeth, cleaning up room so on, once he gets to x amount of stars he gets a new toy or something he wants. I started doing this around 3 yrs old with son and I"m still doing it now that he is 5 yo, system has really worked for us. There are far less arguments because of this system and it's not like he gets big things he either,  mine is once he gets 50 stars, he can have a dollar car, an app for his ipad ( $1.99 or less),  dollar ice cream cone at McDonald's and so on.


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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs mama I've been there
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