Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Quick recap of the last decade of my life:

Married for 30 years, dude starting drinking heavily when pregnant with my fourth 11 years ago and my life has spiraled downward ever since. I have been going through a two year divorce process, had the proceeds from the house I was forced to sell decimated by attorneys and the monstrous Divorce Machine, as well as having to be the sole payer of my kids' living expenses because my not quite yet ex is a sociopathic addict who is leading the judge, the attorneys and me and my kids around by our noses.

I am now utterly destitute, no interim support payments have been put in place and am now facing homelessness. I have to keep the heat on 55 degrees and am considering lowering it because the $700 in heating assistance (which I am extremely grateful for, btw) filled only a 1/4 tank and its been COLD outside.

The thing is, as grateful for it as I was at the time (although by the fourth child it was admittedly wearing a bit thin), I made the mistake of staying at home with my kids. My plan was to go back to work when my youngest was in school full time. My ex was drinking heavily, the kids couldn't be left home alone with him and I needed a job with flexible hours so I got my real estate license. I knew it would be hard but I didn't have the time I thought I would have to build my business because circumstances necessitated having to file for a divorce. So...I left real estate and have been floundering ever since.

I have been slapped by the reality of a really mean job market, especially for a 52 year old woman who has a huge gap in work history. Ageism exist but beyond that, employers have so many well qualified people to choose from that I can't even begin to compete. I don't have a particular career focus- I held a variety of very different jobs before having children- and although I have relevant computer skills, I am a hard worker, highly motivated, eager to learn and all that good stuff- my resume just doesn't cut it.

Because of this, I made a rap. This was out of sheer desperation. I don't know why I got this idea- I don't particularly enjoy rap and I am not a natural born performer (which is painfully obvious if you watch this video, lol) but I have been told over and over again that getting a job these days is about who you know so this idea popped into my brain, took hold and wouldn't let go, much to the horror of several of my children. For several weeks, the response exceeded my expectations- over 800 views, all positive.  Then it was found, held up for ridicule at some of the sites that exist for this purpose, and tainted.  Video game addicted young men who inhabit these sites are not exactly the demographic I am looking for and they made it very clear with Thumbs Down and their articulate (sarcasm) commentary.  Please let me know what YOU, the people who may have some inkling of what I am going through, think:

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Replies (11-14):
idunno1234
by Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:06 PM

 I appreciate that, I really do.

It may give you some insight as to why my perspective is what it is and why I post what I do around this site in various groups.  I grew up upper middle class, lived my entire adult hood solidly middle class and it was only at 50 that I descended into poverty.

Experiencing all these worlds has widened my view quite a bit.

 


Quoting NC_Mom_06:

 Wow this is touching. Sorry you are going through this.


 

NC_Mom_06
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:10 PM

 I understand. I was working and have worked all of my life and in 2009 I got laid off. My husband was in the navy for 12 years and got out for high year tenure and we had to cash out our stock, savings everything to save our house. I still haven't found work but luckily my husband did and is working for the government now. Our paycheck has been cut in half. We were making over 100,00 and now it is half. We are doing the best we can. Not sure if you believe in God or not but we do. I think he has helped us alot and gotten us through it all.

Quoting idunno1234:

 I appreciate that, I really do.

It may give you some insight as to why my perspective is what it is and why I post what I do around this site in various groups.  I grew up upper middle class, lived my entire adult hood solidly middle class and it was only at 50 that I descended into poverty.

Experiencing all these worlds has widened my view quite a bit.

 

 

Quoting NC_Mom_06:

 Wow this is touching. Sorry you are going through this.

 

 

 

idunno1234
by Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:24 PM

 What kind of work do you do?  Have you been actively trying?  Have you gotten interviews?  How's the unemployment situation in your area? 

 Oops......sorry, didn't mean to fire so much at you at once.  I'm just so frustrated right now with this and tired of being scared all the time.  It helps to know what others have gone through and useful ideas I haven't thought of- which is hard at this point because I have done virtually everything.  I find its all about who you know and I don't know if I can put myself out there anymore than I have- I literally tell every single person I meet that I need a job which led to my one and only interview in almost a year.

 I have been working a great deal on positive thinking and it has helped tremendously but every once in a while, days happen that bring me back to that negative, scary, feeling hopeless place, when things happen that I can't control or I start feeling helpless about the job situation,  I have started concentrating on living in the moment, not wasting my energy on past things I can't change and future things that haven't happened yet but just enjoying, treasuring each moment as much as I can.

Maybe that's one of the appeals of participating in a site like this.  As aggravating as it can be, I'm not thinking about anything else but what is in front of me. That's oddly therapuetic.

Quoting NC_Mom_06:

 I understand. I was working and have worked all of my life and in 2009 I got laid off. My husband was in the navy for 12 years and got out for high year tenure and we had to cash out our stock, savings everything to save our house. I still haven't found work but luckily my husband did and is working for the government now. Our paycheck has been cut in half. We were making over 100,00 and now it is half. We are doing the best we can. Not sure if you believe in God or not but we do. I think he has helped us alot and gotten us through it all.

Quoting idunno1234:

 I appreciate that, I really do.

It may give you some insight as to why my perspective is what it is and why I post what I do around this site in various groups.  I grew up upper middle class, lived my entire adult hood solidly middle class and it was only at 50 that I descended into poverty.

Experiencing all these worlds has widened my view quite a bit.

 

 

Quoting NC_Mom_06:

 Wow this is touching. Sorry you are going through this.

 

 

 


 

NC_Mom_06
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:56 PM

 My husband is making enough now so I do not have to work. I was looking really hard in the beginning but not so much now. I will try to find a part-time job when my daughter goes back to school to help. I do miss work but not the drama with it. I enjoy staying home to help my daughter with her homework. I was working for a government contractor in Va called CDI Marine Company. They lost a bid and laid off everyone. I had a security clearance and that is gone now due to my credit being bad. I stopped paying 3 of my credit cards and they have been charged off. We are making sure all of my husband bills are paid before mine so he will keep his clearance. In NC if your debt  is in your name only  it isn't your spouse debt  and they can't go after him thank goodness.

Quoting idunno1234:

 What kind of work do you do?  Have you been actively trying?  Have you gotten interviews?  How's the unemployment situation in your area? 

 Oops......sorry, didn't mean to fire so much at you at once.  I'm just so frustrated right now with this and tired of being scared all the time.  It helps to know what others have gone through and useful ideas I haven't thought of- which is hard at this point because I have done virtually everything.  I find its all about who you know and I don't know if I can put myself out there anymore than I have- I literally tell every single person I meet that I need a job which led to my one and only interview in almost a year.

 I have been working a great deal on positive thinking and it has helped tremendously but every once in a while, days happen that bring me back to that negative, scary, feeling hopeless place, when things happen that I can't control or I start feeling helpless about the job situation,  I have started concentrating on living in the moment, not wasting my energy on past things I can't change and future things that haven't happened yet but just enjoying, treasuring each moment as much as I can.

Maybe that's one of the appeals of participating in a site like this.  As aggravating as it can be, I'm not thinking about anything else but what is in front of me. That's oddly therapuetic.

Quoting NC_Mom_06:

 I understand. I was working and have worked all of my life and in 2009 I got laid off. My husband was in the navy for 12 years and got out for high year tenure and we had to cash out our stock, savings everything to save our house. I still haven't found work but luckily my husband did and is working for the government now. Our paycheck has been cut in half. We were making over 100,00 and now it is half. We are doing the best we can. Not sure if you believe in God or not but we do. I think he has helped us alot and gotten us through it all.

Quoting idunno1234:

 I appreciate that, I really do.

It may give you some insight as to why my perspective is what it is and why I post what I do around this site in various groups.  I grew up upper middle class, lived my entire adult hood solidly middle class and it was only at 50 that I descended into poverty.

Experiencing all these worlds has widened my view quite a bit.

 

 

Quoting NC_Mom_06:

 Wow this is touching. Sorry you are going through this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)