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So torn and all alone

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:37 PM
  • 9 Replies

My daughter and I have lived here for over a year since my ex left, he doesn't contact us or want visits, just pays child support. So i have sole custody. I love it here in this state where we live, don't have any friends though or know people to get together with. My little one is 2 and all of our family live a state away, five hours. In the next few days i need to decide to stay here or move back to the state where im from. i feel torn because i grew up aaway from grandparents and cousins and hardly know any of them. here i am doing it to my little one. but, since my divorce which was when i was pregnant my family hasn't really helped except for my grandma and aunt. my husband cheated and i left him. we tried to work it out a year later and it didnt even last a year, so here i am out here where he lives near his family and i have none. i want to keep going and enjoy the things she and i do together but he wants nothing to do with her, my family doesn't visit or call or even send my little girl birthday or christmas presents. its not that they cant afford it. i just have spent the past three years wondering why but no one ever says. in the meantime imwasting my life worried that they dont show my little one any care. cost of living there is more than here and my little one would have to go to daycare. here im attending school fulltime online and home with her. we go to the library for story time, dance class, gymnastics and she goes to preschool two days a week. really trying to get her involved with other kids and people. its just hard not having grandparents around to treat her special. when i visit, they act like we are imposing, i even bring a huge box of food for her and myself to not impose on them. but still they don't do anything with her or for her while we are there. its very costly to rent a car to stay a week there. i dont know to just let it go and keep trying to push her on them or write them a letter as to how i feel and then go on with my life and if they want to be a part of it then they can come see us. any advice??

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:37 PM
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by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:40 PM
Will you moving back really change what they do now? IMO I would stay put and cont to be the best Mommie I could be. If the other adults in her life want to change they will do so on their own accord.. Keep pressing on
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by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:47 PM

growing up it was routine to make that 16hour drive south to see my cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles. my dad moved us for a better job and we had only eachother. i appreciated my mom taking us on her own since he worked or we wouldnt of known them. i do remember them coming to see us maybe once a year or when my brother and sister were each born. so i guess i feel its my job to keep the connection. my mom says, "well youre the one who moved away." whenever i complain that they never make the trip here on special occasions to see my little one. I mean we use to vacation here as a family and drive here every weekend when i was in high school because of the lakes around here. so my parents never said i was too far away. my mom and dad are divorced and providing for their own households but have time off whenever. idk, i take it so personal that they wouldn't go out of their way to be near my little one, the only grandchild. my grandparents moved to alaska when my dad moved us up there, my moms parents, becasue i was the only grandchild, i was about three the age my little girl is. they didnt make much money but my grandpa got a job and they were near us. my mom could easily move near here to be near my little girl, my brother and sister are grown and dont need her. i get my feelings hurt because i love my baby girl so much and the people who raised me are suppose to love her just the same as i do.

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:24 PM
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 it is not always easy, but you can get a group of friends where you live and over time maybe they will become like family and treat her special. most importantly she has you. if you like where you live, then stay there. hugs!

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:58 PM
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I completely relate when you said you didn't grow up around extended family, it your missing out, but if they aren't interested you can't make them. Just build a life where you at or where you think you'd be happiest. friends will come in time it can take awhile. Good luck.
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 6:06 PM
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 Hi and welcome to the group.

Life is hard, making the best of it is to Keep trying.  Good Luck.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you should try and see things in a different perspective. Be happy you have her to yourself. Think of how hard custody battles are, trust me. Who cares what your family does or does not do. Its what you do that will matter to that little girl. Waisting your life...again take another look. You are going to school and being there for your baby instead of putting her in daycare. There are so many parents who have no other choice but to choose daycare. Find the strength it took to say goodbye to your ex. Find some friends through channels like this, or through her school or other actvities in your area. Dont closet yourself up.

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:38 PM

thank you so much, it does help to sit back and take a look and be thankful.

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:57 PM

I wouldnt leave where you are. Sounds like you and your dd are doing fine where you are, the only difference would be your family being closer but if they are not going to be involved then whats the point. Your dd Im sure has friends at dance class and preschool, I wouldnt take her away from that or her normal activities to be closer to a family that doesnt care. Maybe you could make friends with some of the other moms at her dance class or preschool. It seems like you'll be happier staying where you are.

by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 6:00 PM
Stay were u are doing awesome.....screw that prick his loss and your families,being lonely sucks boy do I know that feeling.but why disrupt her life and normal routine
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