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Does this make me a horrible person??

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That I feel like I can't be happy for any one. A couple months ago the day before me and my EX broke up my cousin told me she was expecting her first child. I should have been happy for them but while her life I was perfect mine was getting ready to unravel and be come a complete mess. I work my butt off for my kids we have our own apartment and I am a full time single mom to them while there dad has walked out of their life for his new girlfriend of 2 weeks. I was just talking to a good friend of mine and she told me her BF just purposed to her. I think its awesom but still can't bring my self to be happy for them. I feel like I have so much love to give and so much to offer but have no one to give it to. Obviously everything is still fresh and I'm not looking for anyone to fill the emptyness I feel. I wish I had friends guys or girls just to hang out with and talk to. I do feel horrible that I can't be happy for anyone else. I feel like everyones life around me is moving forward while mine is standing still. Any advice without bashing would be great thanks
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by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:02 PM
Replies (11-19):
Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:47 AM
Lifes one big emotional rollercoaster married or single. I go thru periods of caring for others then other times i cant feel nothing. Only people i got to feel something for 100% of the time is my kids and God
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jenking04
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:44 PM
I know a lot can happen in a year but I really don't see me meeting anyone new. I work and come home I never go out and never have a sitter for me to get a break. I'm an in home care giver so I don't really meet people at work except my clients who are all elderly. Aside from that I have no clue where to meet people. I've tried the whole dating site thing but they have all been creeps looking for one thing. I'm not really looking for anything right now but when the time comes and I'm ready I have no clue where to start.


Quoting Lia678:

Try and remember that you were once going through what they are going through now.  At that time they may have been alone.  Everyone has their moment of happiness.  You are just not going through it at the same time.  A lot can happen in a year.  Your time will come again.  In the meantime, rember what you have accomplished.  You are on your own, raising a family.  That is amazing!  Sending good wishes your way...


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LilShamrock
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 7:13 PM
I think that's a relative common feeling amongst us all. I've even referred to that as my darkest period in my life....but the sun does shine eventually! I promise you that....

Allow yourself to feel what you feel and know that you aren't alone. Randy Pausch, famous Carnegie Mellon prof said,"we can't change the deck of cards we are given, we can only play the hand we are dealt...."

Find one thing a day to be thankful for and focus on that...

Be well

Sham
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Skybabe
by New Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:08 PM

Well first off, stop thinking that ANYONE'S life is perfect. You have no clue what they have gone through or WILL go through on this journey called life. EVERYONE has issues, problems, etc. Just because someone's life seems perfect on the outside doesn't mean you don't know about the porn addiction their husband has, or the fact that their child is about to die and they don't know it yet,etc. Try doing some volunteer work and getting the focus off yourself. Once you start giving to help better someone else's life/situation you will find joy in that. I know it's hard but really I think getting the focus off ourselves ( I'm speaking to myself here too) and focusing on volunteering and making others happy is very rewarding and helps get rid of depression, pity parties,etc. Oh and write a gratitude list for all the things you have to be grateful for! :)

Belovedmoonpixi
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:09 AM

It´s normal, you´res still grieving... when I divorced, I used to "jokingly" say "I hate your happiness" (In my mind only) whenever people shared happy news. I also became very cynic when it came to people in relationships (if a friend of mine said she had been proposed to, for example, I would say: wow, I´m happy for you!--but secretly think: let´s see how long THAT lasts)... In time, I overcame that and now I´m really happy for my friends´good news (although I do get a bit sad at times, because I´m still alone)

the.real.me
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:44 AM

try a random act of kindness and see if it helps......

if not, maybe see a dr?  depression?


steviechick
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:57 AM

We all go through the same sadness and withdrawal from life once we get a divorce or are separated.  I went through the same thing.  My ex left me for his bimbo he was cheating on me with.  She's much younger then he is and they have kids together.  Then I have to quickly snap out of it knowing how screwed up he is about everything in his life from money problems, to anger issues, to lying, and to cheating.  For a while I was actually jealous of what they had.  She had my man.  But, she also had my misery that I dealt with for many years.  I have friends that are happily married.  Even a sister that is happily married.  They seem to have everything in life.  But, they also have struggles just like everyone else.  I'd rather be alone then be with my ex.  I now know what he's capable of.  And, knowing that makes me smile that one day I won't be lonely.  One day I will actually meet a good man that knows how to treat women right.  Yes, perhaps he's not 100% perfect, but any man would be next to my ex.  My sister and my friend have their problems, too.  Not everything is rosey on the inside of one's life.  You don't know their own personal strifes in life. 

Get out and enjoy what you truly like to do.  You don't have the many restrictions that you used to do.  Put a smile on your face knowing that the ex isn't in your life anymore.  BE happy for those that are in relationships.  But, just remember not everything is as it seems.  No one is 100% happy with their lives.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:46 PM

Hugs!!

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:24 PM

 well its all new, this just happened to you. so youre unhappy. its good that you realize this about yourself and can work on it.

 
        
         

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