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What am I supposed to tell her?

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:32 AM
  • 18 Replies
Dd is three, I left her dad in the fall of 2011. When I first left he would come over every night and see her. It weaned down to about four nights a week after awhile, but he would pick her up every Friday night, bring her home Saturday afternoon, and the pick her up for a few hours after church on Sunday. now he only sees her once a week. He will pick her up on a Monday at like 6, then bring her back Tuesday around 2. Dd is heart broken. She asks for her dad EVERY day. I don't know what to tell her. I just tell her daddy is at work, and she gets her pretend phone and calls him. I told him the other day he lives ten min. Away there is NO excuse for him not to see her more than he does. He said he wants to see her more and he's trying. Bull shit. Her daycare is less than 5min from his house. He can stop in and see her there if he wanted to! His excuse is that he doesn't get off of work until midnight. But he doesn't go until 5pm. So he can still see her, even if he doesn't get her all night.

I have full custody of dd. I did this because honestly I expected him to flake at some point. I know he will move back up north with his mommy soon enough. But it is in the agreement that I have full custody and we have our own vistiation plan worked out and I will "not deny him visitation unless Dds health and safety are at risk". And I've told him from the day I walked out, he can come see and get her whenever he wants.

I want her to know her dad. Honestly if she wasn't asking for him, this wouldn't bother me so much. But I know she misses him and wants to see him and it breaks my heart. :(
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by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
s.osborne
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:45 AM
My DS is almost 4 and me and my ex (not the bio dad) had been together since DS was 6 months. He called him daddy and thought he was his dad. He rarely asks about him anymore. Just keep her busy and she'll start to forget about him eventually. Especially is he's not interested in seeing her.
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jedwards2009
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:58 AM
That is heart breaking :(


Quoting s.osborne:

My DS is almost 4 and me and my ex (not the bio dad) had been together since DS was 6 months. He called him daddy and thought he was his dad. He rarely asks about him anymore. Just keep her busy and she'll start to forget about him eventually. Especially is he's not interested in seeing her.

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s.osborne
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 9:00 AM
Yep. But what can ya do?

Quoting jedwards2009:

That is heart breaking :(




Quoting s.osborne:

My DS is almost 4 and me and my ex (not the bio dad) had been together since DS was 6 months. He called him daddy and thought he was his dad. He rarely asks about him anymore. Just keep her busy and she'll start to forget about him eventually. Especially is he's not interested in seeing her.

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jedwards2009
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 9:21 AM
I don't know... She is crazy about her dad. When he comes to get her she just runs to him and says "bye bye mommy". I just wish I could smack him in the head.


Quoting s.osborne:

Yep. But what can ya do?



Quoting jedwards2009:

That is heart breaking :(






Quoting s.osborne:

My DS is almost 4 and me and my ex (not the bio dad) had been together since DS was 6 months. He called him daddy and thought he was his dad. He rarely asks about him anymore. Just keep her busy and she'll start to forget about him eventually. Especially is he's not interested in seeing her.


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s.osborne
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 9:24 AM
Lol heard that. That's the good thing about my ex not being the bio dad. I can smack him if I wanted and it won't have any affect on my custody lol

Quoting jedwards2009:

I don't know... She is crazy about her dad. When he comes to get her she just runs to him and says "bye bye mommy". I just wish I could smack him in the head.




Quoting s.osborne:

Yep. But what can ya do?





Quoting jedwards2009:

That is heart breaking :(








Quoting s.osborne:

My DS is almost 4 and me and my ex (not the bio dad) had been together since DS was 6 months. He called him daddy and thought he was his dad. He rarely asks about him anymore. Just keep her busy and she'll start to forget about him eventually. Especially is he's not interested in seeing her.


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idunno1234
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

You can't control what her dad does.  Believe me, kids grow up fast and with maturity comes clarity, including some painful truths.

When it comes down to it, their relationship is between them and as frustrating as it may be, the best thing you can do is be a soft place for her to fall when she is hurt by him.

jedwards2009
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 5:02 PM
Thank you. It's just hard, seeing your baby hurting and not being able to control it. No matter what she is going to be hurting.


Quoting idunno1234:

You can't control what her dad does.  Believe me, kids grow up fast and with maturity comes clarity, including some painful truths.


When it comes down to it, their relationship is between them and as frustrating as it may be, the best thing you can do is be a soft place for her to fall when she is hurt by him.


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sunshine389142
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 5:26 PM

I let my dd call her dad.  i dont let her do it late or right before bedtime, but other than that, i am okay with it.  when she says she is missing daddy or asking me where he is, i tell her that i know she does.  i always say daddy is at work or has plans when i know that she can't go see him.  but a lot of times, i will ask her if she wants to call him.  when she does, it seems to help her.  its just a few minutes on the phone where she hardly says more than daddy where are you...i love you...but it seems to help.  and if he doesn't answer, i tell her to leave a message and say i love you daddy.  she sees her dad every other weekend from friday evening around 6pm until sunday around noon.  he could keep her till 6 on sunday, but chooses not to do so.  right now we are going through some things so she only went to see him on saturday night 6pm until noon today.  i look forward to things getting better and going back to normal.  she loves her daddy and i want them to have a great relationship - i want him to be involved more than he is, but i know i can't make him do anything.  So....I am just working on protecting my daughter.  she is only 4 and a half.  we have been split since end of July 2011....i try not to tell her when she is going to her dads in case he fails to get her.  she has gotten use to the routine though now, so if he misses or something comes up i try to come up with fun things to do to distract her.

Good luck.  its never easy.

MommysTimeOut5
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 5:59 PM

My six year old does the same thing and it is not just her asking for her father, she asks for her paternal grandmother and they both come around when it is convient for them. So hang in there and have her draw him a picture or something until she can adjust. In time she will ask less and less so just hang in there. That tugs at my heart too.

Skybabe
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:18 PM

That is tough. It sucks SO many men ( and women) choose not to be in their kids lives very much. They are missing out! 

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