My husband and I have been together 10 years,married for 2. We had our first child in April of 2012. Parenthood has very much highlighted the cracks in our relationship....conflicting energy levels, and lack of lust. Even more compounding is the opposite work schedules we have taken on to minimize child care and the start up of a new music business career for my husband on top of his 40-hour work week. So, basically I feel very much neglected. He is gone so much, and when he is home, I get the tired, cranky partner who nags on me for being too hyper, too silly, or too disorganized. My feelings are hurt. I do not feel appreciated.
I took a vacation with my little girl to visit my sisters. When I arrivd home, I told my husband we needed to take a little break to reset. To just have a week or two of space to regroup, find our feet, and our appreciation for each other. He stewed on is thought...and his looked at it from a much deeper rooted perspective of perhaps we are not in love. Perhaps we cannot fix our love life and our ability to have fun anymore because we just are not love, and we have different energies at are not, in the long run, compatible. Its been two months now of living with each other and trying to give it a go on fixing our problems...reading books, writing down and sharing our emotional needs, trying to meet those needs....but it all feels contrived, disingenuous, and every time he leaves for the studio...I just want to scream....where do I fit in? Where does our marriage fit in? Yes...I want to support my husband as he pursues his dream, tired and all...but I'm beginning to feel that my needs are being sacrificed and for what? I don't know. If he loved me, if he didn't question being in love with me...not just loving me....if he had lust for me...excitement for me....It would feel amazing to support him and be alone and have his back. But, I just feel neglected, so depressed, so scared to take the next step.
Will a separation just creat more distance? Or, could the space create an opportunity for us to light that spark and begin wth a new approach? I'm so focused on him not wantin me....it's hard to also think....well is he right for me? The longer we are in this house together, the harder it becomes to feel the love that may be there be we're so emotional.
Play advice as to when you knew the separation was the right next step
thank y oh and sorry for spelling errors...I new with the iPad! Sigh!