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Is there anything i can do??

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:09 AM
  • 9 Replies
To keep my EX from coming back into my kids lives?? I still need him to pay CS because without it I wouldn't be able to pay all my bills with just what I make working. It has been over 2 weeks since he last saw my kids on Sunday he sent me a text saying he was trying to figure out when and where he could see the kids again. He doesn't like parks so it won't be there and I doubt he would want to go to a fast food resteraunt and spend money on them and he won't come to my place cause its not fair to his new girlfriend. Its kind of pointless for them to go to his place because he has nothing for them to do no toys or games or nothing and he is getting ready to move in with his new girlfriend. I have been documenting every missed visit and missed text or call to my son. I don't see him coming around again cause he has chosen his girlfriend over his kids. He can't even be bothered to take 2 seconds out of his day to pick up the phone to call his son to see how he is doing. I have thought about sending him a text saying either step up and be a dad and make your kids a priority or walk out of their lives for good so I can pick up the peices and start the healing process from them. But if I do my son will blame me for him not being around. He also has 2 other kids that he hasn't seen or talked to in 10+ years so I know that's where my kids are heading. I just don't want him to think its ok to walk in and out of their lives and cause more damage. Any advice would be great thanks.
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by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:09 AM
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Replies (1-9):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:22 AM

I'm dealing with a deadbeat ex myself.  However, my DD is grown - nearly 19.  My ex left me for another woman (a co-worker) just over a year ago.  Total shock to the entire family.  My ex was having an affair for over three years AND created two kids with his tramp.  My ex has mental problems and severe money problems.  I'm not the kind of person to just allow him to walk away from his financial obligations.  I've dealt with his BS for many years.  My DD and I are taking my ex to court next month and force the ex idiot to pay us.  Ex still owes me for personal loans.  My ex agreed to financially support our DD while she attends college.  He HAS to be a father.  And, me and my DD are forcing him to be.  He screwed up his life many years ago.  He continues to do so.

In your case, you need to think about your children's well-being.  If their father can't see them and won't even make the effort then he will show them what he's truly made of.  You don't need to say a thing.  Actions speak louder than words.  My ex is an example of that and shows it everyday to our DD.  Don't go out of your way to adjust or appease your ex's visitation problems.  He's a grown man and a father.  He's already shown he can't be a decent father in the past.  Let him make his own mistakes.  Just get that CS in order.  Tell your son that his father is the one that can't get his life together.  Your son will soon learn that he is better off without his dad in his life.  As sad as that is, perhaps it's best this way.  No child deserves a part-time or deadbeat father.

jenking04
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:26 AM
My son knows exactly how his dad is and it kills me to see the pain in his eyes because daddy cares more about his new girlfriend of 3 weeks then his own kids. He pays CS every month but only cause it is taken out of his check and with out CS I wouldn't be able to pay bills or survive.


Quoting steviechick:

I'm dealing with a deadbeat ex myself.  However, my DD is grown - nearly 19.  My ex left me for another woman (a co-worker) just over a year ago.  Total shock to the entire family.  My ex was having an affair for over three years AND created two kids with his tramp.  My ex has mental problems and severe money problems.  I'm not the kind of person to just allow him to walk away from his financial obligations.  I've dealt with his BS for many years.  My DD and I are taking my ex to court next month and force the ex idiot to pay us.  Ex still owes me for personal loans.  My ex agreed to financially support our DD while she attends college.  He HAS to be a father.  And, me and my DD are forcing him to be.  He screwed up his life many years ago.  He continues to do so.


In your case, you need to think about your children's well-being.  If their father can't see them and won't even make the effort then he will show them what he's truly made of.  You don't need to say a thing.  Actions speak louder than words.  My ex is an example of that and shows it everyday to our DD.  Don't go out of your way to adjust or appease your ex's visitation problems.  He's a grown man and a father.  He's already shown he can't be a decent father in the past.  Let him make his own mistakes.  Just get that CS in order.  Tell your son that his father is the one that can't get his life together.  Your son will soon learn that he is better off without his dad in his life.  As sad as that is, perhaps it's best this way.  No child deserves a part-time or deadbeat father.


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steviechick
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:35 AM

 


Quoting jenking04:

My son knows exactly how his dad is and it kills me to see the pain in his eyes because daddy cares more about his new girlfriend of 3 weeks then his own kids. He pays CS every month but only cause it is taken out of his check and with out CS I wouldn't be able to pay bills or survive.


Quoting steviechick:

I'm dealing with a deadbeat ex myself.  However, my DD is grown - nearly 19.  My ex left me for another woman (a co-worker) just over a year ago.  Total shock to the entire family.  My ex was having an affair for over three years AND created two kids with his tramp.  My ex has mental problems and severe money problems.  I'm not the kind of person to just allow him to walk away from his financial obligations.  I've dealt with his BS for many years.  My DD and I are taking my ex to court next month and force the ex idiot to pay us.  Ex still owes me for personal loans.  My ex agreed to financially support our DD while she attends college.  He HAS to be a father.  And, me and my DD are forcing him to be.  He screwed up his life many years ago.  He continues to do so.


In your case, you need to think about your children's well-being.  If their father can't see them and won't even make the effort then he will show them what he's truly made of.  You don't need to say a thing.  Actions speak louder than words.  My ex is an example of that and shows it everyday to our DD.  Don't go out of your way to adjust or appease your ex's visitation problems.  He's a grown man and a father.  He's already shown he can't be a decent father in the past.  Let him make his own mistakes.  Just get that CS in order.  Tell your son that his father is the one that can't get his life together.  Your son will soon learn that he is better off without his dad in his life.  As sad as that is, perhaps it's best this way.  No child deserves a part-time or deadbeat father.



 Whenever my DD talks about her father I see the pain her eyes, too.  It was even worse shortly after I filed for divorce.  My DD is older, but the pain is the same for every child who wants a decent father.  In time your son will come to realize that some men just aren't made to be fathers.  Your son has you.  Continue to be  a great mom.  Good to see the cs coming. 

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:35 AM

There isn't much you can do.  Seems as if he is still attempting to be a part of their lives. My advice is let it be, if he weeds himself out then so be it, but don't do it yourself because if you do, you may hurt the kids in the process. 

brieri
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 Leave it alone.  The better off you are without him, with that said visitation and c/s are two separate issues.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:04 PM

 its been two weeks. its too soon to say he wont come around or even that it will work out with this chick.

it sucks when they come around at their convenience but the right thing to do is not stand in the way. be there when they get disappointed, dont tell them hes coming unless you are sure he is, but its their dad and that relationship is between them and him not you. if he takes you to court, he will get visits, unsupervised ones and does not have to do as you dictate unless you prove him unfit, and no simply having a rap sheet does not do that.

as for you. i recommend focusing on you and your kids and not him. it will make life eaier and better for you.

jenking04
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:13 PM
According to him things are going to work out with this new girl cause they've been together for 3 weeks and already moving in with each other. I'm not dictating when and where he can see the kids. He was coming to my place to see the kids but now feels its unfair to his new GF to come to my place where the kids have all their toys and games and beds and everything. I told him I could meet him at a park or something but he doesn't want to. He also doesn't have a car so I have to take the kids to him. I have no clue where he is moving and I told him that since he didn't have any toys or games or clothes or even beds for the kids that I didn't think it was a good idea to have visitations at his place cause if my 3 year old gets bored and into trouble he will get pissed and there is no telling what his GF will do.


Quoting faerie75:

 its been two weeks. its too soon to say he wont come around or even that it will work out with this chick.


it sucks when they come around at their convenience but the right thing to do is not stand in the way. be there when they get disappointed, dont tell them hes coming unless you are sure he is, but its their dad and that relationship is between them and him not you. if he takes you to court, he will get visits, unsupervised ones and does not have to do as you dictate unless you prove him unfit, and no simply having a rap sheet does not do that.


as for you. i recommend focusing on you and your kids and not him. it will make life eaier and better for you.


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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 right, but if he actually follows through and takes you to court, YOU will be out of the equation. HE will be able to pick the kids up from you and take them somewhere. yes, the judge will have him get his own supplies (carseat, toys, clothes) and own rides unless you live somewhere with good public transport.

thats if he follows through though. if hes a half ass that really dont want to take them somewhere where he might GASP have to take care of them himself, dont worry about it. personally, i wouldnt go out of MY way for him just because HE doesnt drive. thats his problem not yours. he doest want your place, a park, or fast food playplace? too fucking bad beggars cant be choosers. if he wants to see them he will go where need be. unless and until he gets a CO.

dont worry so much about his gf. most logical ppl arent going to want to hurt your kids. you can ask about it in court but will probably be told that his dating life is not your business. yes, even if she lives there w him, unless she has a criminal past that is against children. if you and he are somewhat civil, ask him if you can meet her, just to see who is around your kids, ask nicely though dont be trying to regulate because i guarantee he will say no.

Quoting jenking04:

According to him things are going to work out with this new girl cause they've been together for 3 weeks and already moving in with each other. I'm not dictating when and where he can see the kids. He was coming to my place to see the kids but now feels its unfair to his new GF to come to my place where the kids have all their toys and games and beds and everything. I told him I could meet him at a park or something but he doesn't want to. He also doesn't have a car so I have to take the kids to him. I have no clue where he is moving and I told him that since he didn't have any toys or games or clothes or even beds for the kids that I didn't think it was a good idea to have visitations at his place cause if my 3 year old gets bored and into trouble he will get pissed and there is no telling what his GF will do.


Quoting faerie75:

 its been two weeks. its too soon to say he wont come around or even that it will work out with this chick.


it sucks when they come around at their convenience but the right thing to do is not stand in the way. be there when they get disappointed, dont tell them hes coming unless you are sure he is, but its their dad and that relationship is between them and him not you. if he takes you to court, he will get visits, unsupervised ones and does not have to do as you dictate unless you prove him unfit, and no simply having a rap sheet does not do that.


as for you. i recommend focusing on you and your kids and not him. it will make life eaier and better for you.


 

 
        
         

Robsessed98
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:23 AM
1 mom liked this

If you have a legal custody agreement, there's nothing you can really do. You can't force him to take his visitation, but he will have to keep paying support. You could take him back to court, but i can't think of anything that would accomplish. From what you've said there are no grounds to terminate his parental rights either. IMO, other than talking to him and asking him to please step up and be a dad, you're stuck with the situation. One thing you canNOT do is refuse him access to the kids when he does visit, or you could be slapped with a contempt charge and that's not cool. Just keep asking him to step up and hope it gets to him at some point.



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