Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do you do if your ex only takes the kids on HOLIDAYS?

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:35 PM
  • 10 Replies

So ever since our break-up, my ex really isnt interested in seeing the kids. BUT, when a holiday comes he nags me to get them. Since September, he has rarely seen them. He nagged me about getting them for Halloween, but we ended up having Hurricane Sandy oct 31. During that time, we were in the dark and cold with 15% electricity and only a little bit of food  for 6 WHOLE DAYS because everything got ruined from not having power. I couldnt drive anywhere because there was a shortage of gas in NJ. I'm sure you guys have seen it on the news. But  he didn't offer to take the kids once I told him all of this. I guess he realized his dads bday(a special occasion) was nov 2 so he took them for that day and returned them back to the dark and cold with me. After that he waited until Thanksgiving to ask to see them again and I told him NO because he wasnt concerned at all when there was an emergency and that he hadnt seen them in weeks. So he stopped, seeing them again until the weekend before Christmas only because he wanted to get them Christmas. So I let them go and on Christmas I let them go. He told me when they went that they were going to stay for a week...big LIE. My kids came back the next day because he said my son wanted to come home(hes 3). So I ended up just picking them and avoiding the argument. He hasn't seen them since.So I feel like he is using them just to be around so when people visit his house he can pretend to be a great father and so that the kids can be in the family pics. I dont think it is right at all. Now their birthdays are both coming up in a few weeks and when he asks to take them I think Im just going to tell him no again. If he wants to buy them a gift he can drop it off, say hi, but he will not just be popping up to make himself feel good. He hasn't spoken to my son since Christmas either. I mean at least if your going to be a dickhead and not spend time, at least call. But what would you guys do? Let him take them for their birthdays or not? Just want to see how others view this situation.

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:35 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Jazmyn1
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:09 PM
Idk ots hard I kind of want to say let him see them when he wants for the kids sake but if the kids dont want to then dont. I understand what your saying but if he will at least have some contact with them its better then none. The kids will figure it.out as they get older but if you dont allow them to go they may blame you. This way they know your.ok with it and hopefully he will come around and see them more hope this made sense lol
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:12 PM
Set up a set holiday schedule don't deny your kids they will figure it out
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ckmom2013
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:53 AM
I asked him a million times to agree on a schedule with me and his final comment was im not agreeing to shit


Quoting LifeCafe42:

Set up a set holiday schedule don't deny your kids they will figure it out

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ckmom2013
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:59 AM
I know it is hard. I wish he would just follow the damn schedule or agree to a new one. Its not fair that he can do what he wants


Quoting Jazmyn1:

Idk ots hard I kind of want to say let him see them when he wants for the kids sake but if the kids dont want to then dont. I understand what your saying but if he will at least have some contact with them its better then none. The kids will figure it.out as they get older but if you dont allow them to go they may blame you. This way they know your.ok with it and hopefully he will come around and see them more hope this made sense lol

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:37 PM

 why not file for custody and support? that might light a fire in his ass to take some damn visits. good for the kids and good for you to get time to yourself.

ckmom2013
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:05 PM


As far as child support....hes on it but quit his job so I get nothing. But they do good with enforcing child support here so Im sure he will get a letter in the mail again to come to court because they did it last time when he reached 5000 in arrears...now he is at 5000 again.

We have joint custody. I was going to file for full, but Im going to wait because from what I see, custody battles are really ugly and I dont want to go through that. He keeps saying he filled out paperwork for go to court but he lied. So when I have a day off from work Im going to go to tell them he stopped following the visitation schedule and he doesnt exercise his rights to the visits. He can still see them, but from now on it will be on my time and as soon as he violates the order again Im going to tell them immediately then probably try for full custody.

Quoting faerie75:

 why not file for custody and support? that might light a fire in his ass to take some damn visits. good for the kids and good for you to get time to yourself.



michiganmom5150
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:06 PM
Wow. I would have at least hoped he would have offered to keep them after the hurricane until you got your utilities back on. What a dick. Do you have a cs and custody agreement?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ckmom2013
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:14 PM


I know I am still pissed about the hurricane situation. That was like the worst case scenario because NJ got hit hard and he wasnt even there for them. One of his excuses was that his aunt was coming over...Im like wtf who cares you have a very huge apartment. There was plenty of room for my kids to stay smh. But ugh yeah we have an agreement that doesnt get followed!

Quoting michiganmom5150:

Wow. I would have at least hoped he would have offered to keep them after the hurricane until you got your utilities back on. What a dick. Do you have a cs and custody agreement?



deltathree
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:13 AM

SMH - what an ass.  so sorry mama- hugs.

mytrueloveS
by Lori on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:28 AM
I say keep track of his visiting and then file for full custody. Keep a holiday schedule so it's fair for both, he can have them one year then you the next. Or if u don't have a visitation schedule set up, get one.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)