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Long Post: Furious with ex's wife

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To start off i'm new to this group, I just needed somewhere to vent, i'm very frustrated and hurt. I'm not really sure where to begin, so I will start with the most recent episode. I call it an episode because I truly believe i'm living in a reality t.v. show LOL.

A little background, my ex and I have 5 children (ages 22d, 19d, 17d, 14d, and 9s) He has 3 step children with his current wife, and I have an 11 yo son that considers my ex a father. Ex has been married for 3.5 years to current wife. Current wifes oldest son molested our youngest son and has restrictions via protection order. Current wife has very different parenting style from mine (allows her children to have sex in their home, drink, smoke pot..etc...). Our 17 & 14 yo went to live with him fulltime about a year ago, our son lives with me fulltime. Recently 17d has decided she is bi and is dating a girl she goes to school with, this girl has not came out to her parents. I do not necessarily approve of my d having a gf, but i want her to be happy so i'm trying to accept it, even allowing them to visit during my vistation wknds. My rules differ greatly from what she's use to, at her dads she is allowed to have the gf spend the night. Recently my sons came home telling me they overheard/seen inappropriate things during the night from their sisters room. When I confronted ex about this he assured me he had been alerted and would handle the situation. Last wknd was my vistation wknd, my 17d txt saying she would not be coming to my house bc she was switching wknds so her brothers wouldn't be in the house when her gf was there visting and wouldn't be "seeing anything" this way. I then told her that I wasnt happy she'd chosen to swap wknds bc I like having all my children together at once, not swapping things around just bc of something that shouldn't be allowed anyways. So yesterday she txt asking if she could still come Friday..I responded with I have plans..she responded with can I come to your house so gf can pick me up...I responded with if you want to come here for my visitation thats fine but i'm not going to allow this if its just so you can go to gf...d responded with I can't believe you don't want to see me even if it's just for a little while thats not much of a mom....I said I do want to spend time with you, thats why I said you can come but not just as a way to get a ride to your gf, I then said I felt the gf's parents needed brought into the situation..thats when d got very biligerant throwing the F bomb all over the place at which time I responded with I love you but i'm putting my foot down. This is when things got worse. Later lastnight I got on FB and seen she had posted a status "That's fucking bullshit, you wanna use her against me because it'd hurt me? yea that's some kind of mother huh?. fucking love you too. I can't believe you'd stoop that low."  I intially wasn't going to respond bc she needs to vent also. Awhile later I noticed the SM had posted replies " Its okay........we know you aren't a toy to use and discard........now I don't have to share you.....lol...besides isn't it like being a hypocrate.......she wants to complain about what you do but she fails to tell the whole story...... smile...we love you." I responded with " really? sounds like your forgetting that Mike and I agreed to uphold each others decisions. Mike just told me to not allow her to pull this shit and you're going to put your two cents into the conversation? Shouldn't we allow her to vent without adding to the immaturity? I do not approve of many things that she is allowed to do, but i'm not butting in the middle until its being seen and heard by the younger children. All I'm saying is i'm not allowing her to use me for a ride when she didn't want to come here for my wknd anyways. I love her, but i'm not allowing this to become a habit". The SM then replied several times "  Kels is a deeply caring person and I'm sick of you not giving a shit.......really...its not your weekend....being their mother you should be jumping at the chance to spend whatever time you can with them seems how they don't even live with you anyways.The only time you want any of them living with you is when they can be of benefit to you........you use them for financial gain because you don't want to work....until you learn to be a mom...a real mom........and be there for the kids don't judge me......I have all of my kids all of the time....child support or not.......and I don't use them for maids either while I lay in bed all freakin day while my man and kids clean.......its ok..........I'm not mad I just don't agree with how you treat kids you gave birth to then treat them like shit and threaten them with everything they care about because you want it to be your way...wake up this isn't mcdonalds, subway, or burger king..........its not the jody show either.......she wanted to spend time with just you this weekend and you chose to tell her no......your loss" .I wouldn't worry about anything. Give it a few days it will blow over............the door will be on your room soon anyways and I bet it was never mentioned that the boys took it upon themselves to pull the curtain back to spy on you.....just like do to the girls when they are in the shower" Then she went on to belittle me for not coming to see the girls between visitation wknds and tell me what an awful mother I am. Nevermind that I kept all of the kids all summer without ever asking for anything, they didn't offer to stop between visitation wknds at that time either?? 

This is not the first time she's publicly humiliated me on FB, she even talks to my children like this without an issue developing. This confrontation isn't nearly as bad as its been in the past, when she gets very vulgar about sexual issues to try to get under my skin.

I'm just at a breaking point and need some advice. 

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:00 PM
Replies (11-20):
yezay
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:25 PM
Well first of all the level of communication from all adults involved is not where it should be. No adults should be arguing on Facebook. I wouldn't deal with issues with my child via text. I wouldn't threaten to get a girls parents involved when they don't even know she's gay. I could go on...

Quoting Jodyb75:

To answer your question, my ex and I divorced in 2001 during which time I had a child from another relationship, we reconciled in 2003 and had another child. 

What is everyone wrong about? I do appreciate that my daughter felt comfortable enough to not hide her sexuality.



Quoting yezay:

I'm still hung up on the fact that your youngest child with your ex is 9 yet you have an 11 to that's not his...



Anyway I think everyone here is wrong but if your daughter never came out to you shed still be havig these sleep overs... Catch 22.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Jodyb75
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:39 PM

I agree with the communication issue. I've tried several ways to communicate with them, if my ex and I can talk without her in the middle we can always come to an agreement, if she's involved (which is majority of the time) it always has to be her way or else. I've tried refusing to communicate with her at all, i've tried only communicating with her, neither way seems to work bc if she gets crossed she turns into the devil. I do not agree with posting private matters on FB, we'd just recently had issues similar and all parties agreed it was immature and would not be drawn into the drama on FB. When I confront my ex about any issue with her his reply is always the same, he can't get her to stop. 

I realize my comment about bringing the GF's parents into the mix was uncalled for.


Quoting yezay:

Well first of all the level of communication from all adults involved is not where it should be. No adults should be arguing on Facebook. I wouldn't deal with issues with my child via text. I wouldn't threaten to get a girls parents involved when they don't even know she's gay. I could go on...

Quoting Jodyb75:

To answer your question, my ex and I divorced in 2001 during which time I had a child from another relationship, we reconciled in 2003 and had another child. 

What is everyone wrong about? I do appreciate that my daughter felt comfortable enough to not hide her sexuality.



Quoting yezay:

I'm still hung up on the fact that your youngest child with your ex is 9 yet you have an 11 to that's not his...



Anyway I think everyone here is wrong but if your daughter never came out to you shed still be havig these sleep overs... Catch 22.






yezay
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:40 AM
It sounds like you're aware of all the issues but your hands are tied. My sons 5 and some days I can't wait til he's 18 but at the same time I don't want to wish it away.

Quoting Jodyb75:

I agree with the communication issue. I've tried several ways to communicate with them, if my ex and I can talk without her in the middle we can always come to an agreement, if she's involved (which is majority of the time) it always has to be her way or else. I've tried refusing to communicate with her at all, i've tried only communicating with her, neither way seems to work bc if she gets crossed she turns into the devil. I do not agree with posting private matters on FB, we'd just recently had issues similar and all parties agreed it was immature and would not be drawn into the drama on FB. When I confront my ex about any issue with her his reply is always the same, he can't get her to stop. 

I realize my comment about bringing the GF's parents into the mix was uncalled for.



Quoting yezay:

Well first of all the level of communication from all adults involved is not where it should be. No adults should be arguing on Facebook. I wouldn't deal with issues with my child via text. I wouldn't threaten to get a girls parents involved when they don't even know she's gay. I could go on...



Quoting Jodyb75:

To answer your question, my ex and I divorced in 2001 during which time I had a child from another relationship, we reconciled in 2003 and had another child. 

What is everyone wrong about? I do appreciate that my daughter felt comfortable enough to not hide her sexuality.




Quoting yezay:

I'm still hung up on the fact that your youngest child with your ex is 9 yet you have an 11 to that's not his...





Anyway I think everyone here is wrong but if your daughter never came out to you shed still be havig these sleep overs... Catch 22.








Posted on CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:53 PM
2 moms liked this

 block her on fb. and honestly, i would have taken my ex back to court when his wifes kid molested my kid, to get custody of all of them. i wouldnt be cool with my kids allowed that type of shit.

dont talk to her or deal w her. any issues are between you and your ex. his wife only has whatever your kids dad allws. she has no rights.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:04 PM

 it seems like a precedence has been set. i never dealt w any of my kdis dads SO ever i refused and it was not happening. now, i am with a man and i do nmot deal w his BM either regarding their kids. their kids, their buisness. she has tried to have ne relay info and is politely told you know what, call him and tell him. alleviates a lot of issues.

Quoting Jodyb75:

I agree with the communication issue. I've tried several ways to communicate with them, if my ex and I can talk without her in the middle we can always come to an agreement, if she's involved (which is majority of the time) it always has to be her way or else. I've tried refusing to communicate with her at all, i've tried only communicating with her, neither way seems to work bc if she gets crossed she turns into the devil. I do not agree with posting private matters on FB, we'd just recently had issues similar and all parties agreed it was immature and would not be drawn into the drama on FB. When I confront my ex about any issue with her his reply is always the same, he can't get her to stop. 

I realize my comment about bringing the GF's parents into the mix was uncalled for.

 

Quoting yezay:

Well first of all the level of communication from all adults involved is not where it should be. No adults should be arguing on Facebook. I wouldn't deal with issues with my child via text. I wouldn't threaten to get a girls parents involved when they don't even know she's gay. I could go on...

Quoting Jodyb75:

To answer your question, my ex and I divorced in 2001 during which time I had a child from another relationship, we reconciled in 2003 and had another child. 

What is everyone wrong about? I do appreciate that my daughter felt comfortable enough to not hide her sexuality.

 


Quoting yezay:

I'm still hung up on the fact that your youngest child with your ex is 9 yet you have an 11 to that's not his...



Anyway I think everyone here is wrong but if your daughter never came out to you shed still be havig these sleep overs... Catch 22.

 


 

 

 

 

 
        
         

breebree04
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:16 PM

 I agree with this, except for the part where the sm has no rights. Normally I would agree with that but 2 of the children are living with her and see is raising them so in that case I feel she does have some rights. However I also dont understand why the children are living there if one child has been molested and other children are being subjected to illegal (underage drinking/drug buying)/not age appropriate things.


Quoting faerie75:

 block her on fb. and honestly, i would have taken my ex back to court when his wifes kid molested my kid, to get custody of all of them. i wouldnt be cool with my kids allowed that type of shit.

dont talk to her or deal w her. any issues are between you and your ex. his wife only has whatever your kids dad allws. she has no rights.


 

mytrueloveS
by Lori on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't understand why you don't have your children living with  you full time.  With the other child molesting one of my kids, I would have demanded full custody.  Block that woman, you don't have to deal with her at all, this is between you and the ex.  

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:27 PM

 it doesnt matter what one feels. legally a SM does not have rights. only what the dad delegates. i will say that if dad allows his kids to disrespect and does not help step mom w a united front, he is an ass but legally those kids are dads not step moms.

Quoting breebree04:

 I agree with this, except for the part where the sm has no rights. Normally I would agree with that but 2 of the children are living with her and see is raising them so in that case I feel she does have some rights. However I also dont understand why the children are living there if one child has been molested and other children are being subjected to illegal (underage drinking/drug buying)/not age appropriate things.

 

Quoting faerie75:

 block her on fb. and honestly, i would have taken my ex back to court when his wifes kid molested my kid, to get custody of all of them. i wouldnt be cool with my kids allowed that type of shit.

dont talk to her or deal w her. any issues are between you and your ex. his wife only has whatever your kids dad allws. she has no rights.

 

 

 

 
        
         

breebree04
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM

You dont know that she "legally" doesnt have rights unless op stated that she is not on the court papers and I missed it somewhere. If they have been to court and dad and sm are married and living together the judge may have given custody to both.  I do not have any experience being a step parent or dealing with a step parent for my children but I do know quite a few step parents that have gotten custody of step children and when you get custody through the courts you get all the legal rights.  I dont agree with what sm is doing or saying to bm but she may not have "legal" rights but morally she should. She is raising the kids. Its not fair to have someone else raise your children, take care of them everyday, feed them, buy them all the necessary stuff they need and then tell them they have no rights.

 

Quoting faerie75:

 it doesnt matter what one feels. legally a SM does not have rights. only what the dad delegates. i will say that if dad allows his kids to disrespect and does not help step mom w a united front, he is an ass but legally those kids are dads not step moms.

Quoting breebree04:

 I agree with this, except for the part where the sm has no rights. Normally I would agree with that but 2 of the children are living with her and see is raising them so in that case I feel she does have some rights. However I also dont understand why the children are living there if one child has been molested and other children are being subjected to illegal (underage drinking/drug buying)/not age appropriate things.

 

Quoting faerie75:

 block her on fb. and honestly, i would have taken my ex back to court when his wifes kid molested my kid, to get custody of all of them. i wouldnt be cool with my kids allowed that type of shit.

dont talk to her or deal w her. any issues are between you and your ex. his wife only has whatever your kids dad allws. she has no rights.

 

 

 


 

deltathree
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:18 AM

 


Quoting mytrueloveS:

I don't understand why you don't have your children living with  you full time.  With the other child molesting one of my kids, I would have demanded full custody.  Block that woman, you don't have to deal with her at all, this is between you and the ex.  


 

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