To start off i'm new to this group, I just needed somewhere to vent, i'm very frustrated and hurt. I'm not really sure where to begin, so I will start with the most recent episode. I call it an episode because I truly believe i'm living in a reality t.v. show LOL.
A little background, my ex and I have 5 children (ages 22d, 19d, 17d, 14d, and 9s) He has 3 step children with his current wife, and I have an 11 yo son that considers my ex a father. Ex has been married for 3.5 years to current wife. Current wifes oldest son molested our youngest son and has restrictions via protection order. Current wife has very different parenting style from mine (allows her children to have sex in their home, drink, smoke pot..etc...). Our 17 & 14 yo went to live with him fulltime about a year ago, our son lives with me fulltime. Recently 17d has decided she is bi and is dating a girl she goes to school with, this girl has not came out to her parents. I do not necessarily approve of my d having a gf, but i want her to be happy so i'm trying to accept it, even allowing them to visit during my vistation wknds. My rules differ greatly from what she's use to, at her dads she is allowed to have the gf spend the night. Recently my sons came home telling me they overheard/seen inappropriate things during the night from their sisters room. When I confronted ex about this he assured me he had been alerted and would handle the situation. Last wknd was my vistation wknd, my 17d txt saying she would not be coming to my house bc she was switching wknds so her brothers wouldn't be in the house when her gf was there visting and wouldn't be "seeing anything" this way. I then told her that I wasnt happy she'd chosen to swap wknds bc I like having all my children together at once, not swapping things around just bc of something that shouldn't be allowed anyways. So yesterday she txt asking if she could still come Friday..I responded with I have plans..she responded with can I come to your house so gf can pick me up...I responded with if you want to come here for my visitation thats fine but i'm not going to allow this if its just so you can go to gf...d responded with I can't believe you don't want to see me even if it's just for a little while thats not much of a mom....I said I do want to spend time with you, thats why I said you can come but not just as a way to get a ride to your gf, I then said I felt the gf's parents needed brought into the situation..thats when d got very biligerant throwing the F bomb all over the place at which time I responded with I love you but i'm putting my foot down. This is when things got worse. Later lastnight I got on FB and seen she had posted a status "That's fucking bullshit, you wanna use her against me because it'd hurt me? yea that's some kind of mother huh?. fucking love you too. I can't believe you'd stoop that low." I intially wasn't going to respond bc she needs to vent also. Awhile later I noticed the SM had posted replies " Its okay........we know you aren't a toy to use and discard........now I don't have to share you.....lol...besides isn't it like being a hypocrate.......she wants to complain about what you do but she fails to tell the whole story...... smile...we love you." I responded with " really? sounds like your forgetting that Mike and I agreed to uphold each others decisions. Mike just told me to not allow her to pull this shit and you're going to put your two cents into the conversation? Shouldn't we allow her to vent without adding to the immaturity? I do not approve of many things that she is allowed to do, but i'm not butting in the middle until its being seen and heard by the younger children. All I'm saying is i'm not allowing her to use me for a ride when she didn't want to come here for my wknd anyways. I love her, but i'm not allowing this to become a habit". The SM then replied several times " Kels is a deeply caring person and I'm sick of you not giving a shit.......really...its not your weekend....being their mother you should be jumping at the chance to spend whatever time you can with them seems how they don't even live with you anyways.The only time you want any of them living with you is when they can be of benefit to you........you use them for financial gain because you don't want to work....until you learn to be a mom...a real mom........and be there for the kids don't judge me......I have all of my kids all of the time....child support or not.......and I don't use them for maids either while I lay in bed all freakin day while my man and kids clean.......its ok..........I'm not mad I just don't agree with how you treat kids you gave birth to then treat them like shit and threaten them with everything they care about because you want it to be your way...wake up this isn't mcdonalds, subway, or burger king..........its not the jody show either.......she wanted to spend time with just you this weekend and you chose to tell her no......your loss" .I wouldn't worry about anything. Give it a few days it will blow over............the door will be on your room soon anyways and I bet it was never mentioned that the boys took it upon themselves to pull the curtain back to spy on you.....just like do to the girls when they are in the shower" Then she went on to belittle me for not coming to see the girls between visitation wknds and tell me what an awful mother I am. Nevermind that I kept all of the kids all summer without ever asking for anything, they didn't offer to stop between visitation wknds at that time either??
This is not the first time she's publicly humiliated me on FB, she even talks to my children like this without an issue developing. This confrontation isn't nearly as bad as its been in the past, when she gets very vulgar about sexual issues to try to get under my skin.
I'm just at a breaking point and need some advice.