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Single Mother Needs Help W/ Co-Parenting

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:10 PM
  • 9 Replies

My daughter's father hardly looks for her. It's been several months since we broke up & once a week is "too much" to see her & take her. Sometimes I feel like I force her on him too much. Is that going to bite me in the long run? Should I continue making him come for her? Or should I make him realize on his own that he is missing out on her by not allowing him to see her? I grew up w/o my dad so I know what it's like. Help? Please & thank you.

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:10 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:30 PM

well studies have shown time and time again, that kids are better off with an active father. I think you need to flat out ask him if he wants to stick to a set visitation schedule? You eventually should file something in court and honestly the less involved he is the less likely a court will give him joint legal custody. Tell him you sought legal advice and that you would lile to get a court order filed and that you are a little concerned because he does not have the child much. Tell him it would be really great if he would commit to one overnight a week for now and then maybe you guys can work out something more frequennt. If you act like it will beneift him and his daughter, and not you, maybe he will bite.

kidlover2
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Personally? I'm in a similar situation. I think it's beneficial only if the father is mentally stable and is good with his dd. If he ignores her or worse emotionally abuses her, I wouldn't push it. A nonexistent father is better than an abusive one.
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this

You can't make someone want to be a dad.  If he wants to see her he will. 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:13 PM
Don't force him he needs to either step up or not unfortunately for your child he may not
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:09 PM

I agree with this, but I would try to talk to him and let him know how much she misses him and how he is always welcome in her life.

Quoting Mommyto2LilMen:

You can't make someone want to be a dad.  If he wants to see her he will. 


Kelly1308
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:00 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so in a similar situation but I have an 8 year old.  It has been a year since the divorce was final and 3years total since he left the first time.  He is very immature for a 43 year old man.  I have expressed my concern that he is not involved in his sons life but  3 or 4 hours once a month but it doesn't seem to faze him.  He just keeps saying he is doing the best he can and he needs to figure himself out.  So at this point my advice is to speak to him calmly about how important it is to have a father figure for your child and if he doesn't come around, you can't make him.  Trust me.  I tried for a very long time to guilt him, manipulate him etc...to see his son and if they are going to do it they will and if not they won't .  I wasted a lot of time and energy because I hurt for my son so much but it is what it is and I have had to let go because it was affecting my health literally.  If they want to see their children then they need to make the effort.  We do not need to be mommies to adult men.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 i wouldnt try to make him take her. then hes only doing it to shut you up, not because he wants to. id stop. id update him occasionally via email or text but its up to HIM to look for her. make her available but dont bend over backwards. dont drive her to him. he shoudl pick her up, then you piock her back up when hes done.

Robsessed98
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:13 PM
2 moms liked this
He's a big boy and doesnt need to be reminded he is a father. If he's not wanting to see her, there's no way you can force him. He knows when she is available to visit, so if he doesn't come, its his loss and his problem. Make sure to let him take his visits if he shows, but if he doesn't, leave him alone and go on doing what a real parent does without him.
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EachNewBreath
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 6:55 AM

Dont force him on her. That is not good for either of them. He will either come around or he wont. 

If you force him on her then he may just pop in and out which can be very emotionally damaging to a child. They dont understand why or how he can love them and be daddy just sometimes (when it makes him feel good or like he is a man)

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