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Single, Pregnant with twins

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:12 AM
  • 17 Replies

Hi, my name is Jessica and I just turned 21 last week. I am 31 weeks pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. Even though I'm so excited and love them so much, I'm scared to death. I'm trying to prepare for them, but how do you really do that? I have tons of clothes, I'm collecting a stock pile of diapers and wipes, picking up a crib next week, have a bassinet and pack and play and the list goes on and on..but I can't help but feel totally unprepared. It doesn't help that 99 % of the people in my life make it a point to tell me how I'm not ready to be a mother, my babies are a mistake, I'm a child and I don't deserve to find love because I gave up the chance for my babies to have a father when I slept with the wrong guy and got pregnant. The words that  I hear countless times a day from the people who mean the most to me haunt me. Instead of hearing encouragment and excitement, I feel like I'm going to fail and my poor babies are stuck with a horrible Mom. I have made mistakes, but I'm trying to do what's right now. I don't consider my babies to be mistakes. They are the best things that have ever happened to me.  I love them with all of my heart and I want to give them the best life possible. I grew up in foster care, literally grew up, so now that I'm a mother, I worry that I am going to lose my babies. I worry that I'm going to fail. When I was 15, I met a boy and we stayed together until last year. He decided he wasn't happy, so he ended things. I was devestated. We kept sleeping together though ( I didn't want to let go) and I started sleeping with other guys. I wasn't careful, and for the first time in my life, I started drinking. I think I really didn't care what happened to me at that point. I had lost what I thought was the world. So, in August of 2012, I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant, with twins. At this point, I'm not sure who the father is. I never thought I would be the girl to say that, but here I am...So the boy I was with for 5 years, has decided he doesn't want to be involved with my pregnancy until we know if they are his or not. It's been really difficult to go through this pregnancy alone, but I know I did this to myself. I chose to be irresponsible and I chose to keep my babies, so this is my responsibility. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier though..I mean, I have a few friends who have all these grand plans to be involved, but that tends to change from minute to minute. I guess I'm just really scared and discouraged. Just when I think that I am doing something right, someone shoots me down and tells me how horrible I will be as a mother. I know one thing is for sure though, my babies are not mistakes. They are miracles. Sorry this was so long, I just don't know who else to talk to. 

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:53 AM
Welcome.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
deltathree
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:15 AM

Hi & welcome.  Glad you're here! :)

LauraMH
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM
2 moms liked this

Please, please, please do not listen to those discouraging words! Every one makes mistakes in their lives and this one has lead to 2 beautiful lives being created. You sound like you have had a rough life yet have a good head on your shoulders. You are doing everything you can to be ready for your babies but I don't think anyone is every actually "prepared" to be a mom. You can read all the books and have all the baby items but until those babies get here there is not really anymore you can do.

You have support here in this group. I was 18 when I was pregnant with my first and 21 with my 2nd. I know how peoples words can bring you down. Don't listen to those words. Know that you can do this and you are providing a life, love and a wonderful mother to two children.

breebree04
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:20 AM
2 moms liked this

Welcome! People make mistakes all the time, not talking about your babies, talking about your choices and the men in your life. Alls you can do now is make the best of it and start living your life right. Dont worry about what everyone else says instead prove them wrong and be the best parent you can. After the babies are born I would definately try to find out who the father is. He may want to be a part of the babies lives and help and if not atleast you can get financial support

cklamour
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:29 AM

Awwww hun, I just want to run and hug you!

Don't ever look down and make sure to keep your head up, for your children and yourself. Don't let the words of others dictate what kind of parent you will become, or what kind of person you are. Everyone makes mistakes and if they said they didn't they're lying (my opinion).

If you stay on cafemom I would love to be your postive voice that you can talk to.

Hotmessmom
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:08 PM

You are going to have your hands full. Do you live on your own or by yourself? You will need a support system to help care for these babies. If you apply for any sort of help like medicaid or TANF, you are going to have to find out who the father is as you will be required to file for support. Start figuring out the timeline on when you conceived and which guy it was. Also please apply for WIC. They are a HUGE help and will supply you with formula, and/or breastfeeding supplies. Start applying online. Good luck.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:14 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Having twins are so wonderful - you will definetely grow to loving them and those in your life will hopefully see what they truly are missing.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:10 AM
Welcome!!!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
easinpc
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:48 PM

Welcome & good luck!

Stephd710
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this

I had twins.  My husband left a month after they were born (he wasnt much help before that tho).  Ive been doing it alone now for two years.  You can do it.  It can be done.  I still work full time.  I have a great babysitter who the girls love.  If you figure out who the father is, make sure and file for CS through the state.  You are going to need it.  Get PA if you need it, thats what its there for.  

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