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Single, Pregnant with twins

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Hi, my name is Jessica and I just turned 21 last week. I am 31 weeks pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. Even though I'm so excited and love them so much, I'm scared to death. I'm trying to prepare for them, but how do you really do that? I have tons of clothes, I'm collecting a stock pile of diapers and wipes, picking up a crib next week, have a bassinet and pack and play and the list goes on and on..but I can't help but feel totally unprepared. It doesn't help that 99 % of the people in my life make it a point to tell me how I'm not ready to be a mother, my babies are a mistake, I'm a child and I don't deserve to find love because I gave up the chance for my babies to have a father when I slept with the wrong guy and got pregnant. The words that  I hear countless times a day from the people who mean the most to me haunt me. Instead of hearing encouragment and excitement, I feel like I'm going to fail and my poor babies are stuck with a horrible Mom. I have made mistakes, but I'm trying to do what's right now. I don't consider my babies to be mistakes. They are the best things that have ever happened to me.  I love them with all of my heart and I want to give them the best life possible. I grew up in foster care, literally grew up, so now that I'm a mother, I worry that I am going to lose my babies. I worry that I'm going to fail. When I was 15, I met a boy and we stayed together until last year. He decided he wasn't happy, so he ended things. I was devestated. We kept sleeping together though ( I didn't want to let go) and I started sleeping with other guys. I wasn't careful, and for the first time in my life, I started drinking. I think I really didn't care what happened to me at that point. I had lost what I thought was the world. So, in August of 2012, I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant, with twins. At this point, I'm not sure who the father is. I never thought I would be the girl to say that, but here I am...So the boy I was with for 5 years, has decided he doesn't want to be involved with my pregnancy until we know if they are his or not. It's been really difficult to go through this pregnancy alone, but I know I did this to myself. I chose to be irresponsible and I chose to keep my babies, so this is my responsibility. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier though..I mean, I have a few friends who have all these grand plans to be involved, but that tends to change from minute to minute. I guess I'm just really scared and discouraged. Just when I think that I am doing something right, someone shoots me down and tells me how horrible I will be as a mother. I know one thing is for sure though, my babies are not mistakes. They are miracles. Sorry this was so long, I just don't know who else to talk to. 

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:12 AM
Replies (11-17):
Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:28 PM

Steph gave good advice. You are going to need financial help with these babies and help with child care. How do you intend to work and pay for daycare? You will probably not be able to work much unless you have affordable day care so you need to file for help. It is impoerative you determine who the father might me and be prepared to list them even if it is more than one guy. Paternity is going to have to be determined for child support and any government assistance. Please look into WIC it is great.

KRIZZ25
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i wish my heart would just stop.
Yesterday at 7:04 PM
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:12 PM
I HAVE 3 KIDS 11 Y OLD GIRL TINS B/G 7 ..IF U NEED ANY ADVICE I,LL GIVE U WHAT I GOT. I BEEN SINGLE 7 YEARS .
KRIZZ25
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i wish my heart would just stop.
Yesterday at 7:04 PM
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:16 PM
UR 21 .. NOT 12.TELL GROW UP AND DEAL WTH IT .IT UR LIFE ,UR BODY,UR CHOICE. IF U GAVE THEM AWAY OR ABORTED THEM THY WOULD PROB BASH U FOR THAT ..U CAN DO IT.. AND U DON'T NEED A MAN TO MAKE U .. U ARE A PERSON NO DOOR MAT.FIND SUPPORTIVE PPL IN UR LIFE ..ETHER THY CAN SUPPORT U OR SHUT UP..UR PRG UR ALLOWED TO GO OFF ..LOL
KRIZZ25
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i wish my heart would just stop.
Yesterday at 7:04 PM
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:17 PM
Quoting LauraMH:

Please, please, please do not listen to those discouraging words! Every one makes mistakes in their lives and this one has lead to 2 beautiful lives being created. You sound like you have had a rough life yet have a good head on your shoulders. You are doing everything you can to be ready for your babies but I don't think anyone is every actually "prepared" to be a mom. You can read all the books and have all the baby items but until those babies get here there is not really anymore you can do.


You have support here in this group. I was 18 when I was pregnant with my first and 21 with my 2nd. I know how peoples words can bring you down. Don't listen to those words. Know that you can do this and you are providing a life, love and a wonderful mother to two children.




JUST REMEMBER UR KIDS ARE NOT THE mistakes.THEM LOOSER PPL THAT WONT TO BASH U ARE .
mandi0913
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:27 PM
Welcome and gl. Dont listen to what others say people like to talk smack about ppl they r jealous of. Noone can tell you what kind of mommy you will be you sound like your gonna be a wonderful momma to your babies. Ppl make mistakes and they learn from them it does not mean your a bad person or bad parent. You be a good momma and love those babies like noone else can. Keep your chin up and focus on your babies and yourself noone else matters.
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margie92
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 7:31 PM

Thank you everyone for your support. It feels like lately, I haven't gotten much encouragement. I know I made the right decision by keeping the twins. I already love them more than anything. I will do everything I can to find out who the father is. My ex boyfriend and I are going to do a DNA test as soon as we can after they are born. I'm already on Wic, and I'm now recieving food stamps, which is something I never thought I would need. I have an appointment this week to see if I qualify for cash aid, and my county now offers several programs for free chlidcare. I know that I made the decision to be irresponsible, and although I'm thankful I am now having my babies, I'm still trying to get over the fact that this is not how I planned to start a family. I know once I see them and hold them, I'll get over that really fast. Regardless of how I started my family, as long as I have them, we'll be okay. I'm really excited and beyond scared. I just got a crib today and I can't wait to set it up! Now I just can't wait to bring them home. :) 

meranda20
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:33 AM

I know exactly what you are going threw. i'm a 21 year old mom of two babies, not twins though. It's two girls ages 3 and 1. I do have a little help from my mom. I have been in your position before. I felt terrible about myself because I was pregnant for the second time an didn't know if I was pregnant for the father of my child or another man. I did get a paternity test. Talk to DHS an they will help you with it. I will send you a friend invite so we can talk.

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